Watching The Days Go By
by Bexish
Summary: Rory has graduated from Yale and without Logan in the picture, she has more time for Jess. But for how long? A sequel to A Walk Out In The Cold, this story takes place following the end of the series.
1. I Miss Seeing Your Face, Babe

A/N: Here she is, the first chapter of Watching the Days Go By! If you've found your way here from A Walk Out in the Cold, hello again! If not, this is the sequel to another story I wrote called a Walk Out in The Cold, so feel free to look that up if you want to read about the year and a half leading up to this moment. The title and chapter titles are lyrics from Too Much by All Time Low. I hope you all like it :)

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"Jess," Rory said, wiping her eyes quickly as she turned to face him. It had been a while since she had seen him and she certainly didn't expect to see him at her graduation, much less thirty seconds after being dumped by her boyfriend. It was a little embarrassing to have a witness, but she was glad he was there anyway. "What are you doing here? I could barely get enough tickets for my family."

"I just snuck in," Jess said with a shrug. "Actually, I got here too late and the ceremony had already started so I've just been waiting around. I figured I'd find you eventually."

Rory mustered up a laugh. "Well, you picked a great moment to find me." She sighed, sliding down the trunk of the tree she was sitting by. If her gown got a little dirty then so be it; she had already graduated. "I didn't think he would leave," she said as Jess joined her on the ground. "I knew he wouldn't be happy, but I didn't think he would just end things."

"Why did he?" Jess looked around, like he might actually be able to see Logan in the crowd. Rory was sure he was long gone, though.

"He got a job out in California and wanted me to go with him. And I wasn't ready to do that. It sounded like an amazing opportunity for him, but if I went with him and married him then that would kind of be it for me. I'd have to find a job somewhere around San Francisco. I've sent resumes to papers all over the country and I could still hear back from any one of them. Knowing Logan I'm sure he could find me a job at the Chronicle or the Guardian, but what if they didn't want me and a paper in Seattle or Chicago did? I'd be stuck there." Rory took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I felt so bad saying no. The look on his face…" She rested her head on Jess' shoulder and closed her eyes, willing herself not to start crying again.

"But everything you just said made a lot of sense," Jess said. "You did say you might go with him a last week, though."

Rory thought back to the text she had sent Jess and cringed. "I was just mad about not getting the fellowship. Once it was actually a concrete thing that I had to make a decision about, I just couldn't do it. You were right. I couldn't see me in California either." When Logan had described the hiking and biking they could do it had sounded amazing, but it didn't sound like Rory. He had already imagined a wonderful life for them together in California but Rory couldn't mentally put herself in the picture.

"You're actually admitting that I'm right?"

"Hey, it's like you said. Things never stay the same. Don't get used to it though," Rory warned. "You're not right very often." Taking one more deep breath, Rory stood up and offered a hand to Jess. "My mom is going to freak out if she can't find me pretty soon and she'll never see me sitting on the ground," she said. They had taken pictures together after the ceremony, but they must have wandered off after she went to talk to Logan because she couldn't see them. "I know you didn't call my mom or grandma up and tell her you were coming today, so this will be a weird surprise for them too."

Jess attempted to scowl, although he didn't pull it off very well. While Rory was sure her cheeks probably had tear stains and mascara marks on them, Jess looked sort of happy to be there. "After you telling me that your grandma hates me? No, I didn't call your family and tell them I was coming." He paused. " Wait, 'too'? Are you calling me a weird surprise?"

Rory smiled, even though she felt so emotionally drained she couldn't imagine actually feeling happy for a long time. "Of course. Oh, I think my grandpa." She waved to her family, although she wasn't actually sure they could see her. Her grandma was talking to someone intently, no doubt bragging about Rory even though everyone there was with someone who just graduated.

"Is he the tall one with the bow tie?"

"Yup," Rory said, feeling a twinge of pride. She felt so lucky that her grandparents were there to see her graduate. And that they were socially versed enough to not do anything uncomfortable when she walked over there without Logan and with Jess. Not that she had replaced Logan with Jess, of course. Suddenly she felt nervous. "This is going to be really awkward, you know. I'm going to have to tell them about Logan."

"Do you want me to go? I don't want to intrude on your family stuff. I just stopped by to say hi," Jess said.

"You just 'stopped by' Yale from Philadelphia? That's not stopping by, Jess. You can come with us. Sookie and Jackson are joining us for dinner too, so it won't be weird," Rory said. "Plus I'm sure my grandparents will insist on it. They're too polite not to. And my mom will grudgingly agree and everyone will pretend they're happy with the arrangement."

Jess snorted. "You make it sound so tempting. I guess I can go, _if _I'm invited. I took the train here but it wasn't a return ticket, so I don't have to leave by a certain time or anything."

"We can drive you back to Stars Hollow," Rory said. "You want to see Luke and your mom and stuff, right?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Jess said. Rory rolled her eyes. Of course he hadn't thought about it. Things like that never seemed to cross his mind.

"You haven't been to Stars Hollow since Christmas, right? You should really see your mom and sister more than once a year."

"But that means seeing TJ," Jess argued. "I don't want to see him even once a year."

Rory started to answer, but her mom butted in first. Rory had been so wrapped up in considering their dinner plans that she hadn't noticed her walking over. "There you are!" Lorelai said, hugging her. "My little graduate. And Jess! What a surprise." She sounded genuinely surprised, which was encouraging. It was better than sounding disappointed or annoyed. "Is Logan tracking down more of his friends?"

Rory looked at Jess, widening her eyes slightly. She only wanted to tell the story about Logan once and her grandparents and dad were still a few feet away, having been sidetracked by another friend of the Gilmores. Thankfully, Jess took the hint. "Rory mentioned that her graduation was today and I've been wanting to visit my mom anyway, so I thought I would stop by and say congratulations."

"That was nice of you," Lorelai said, though her attention was on Rory. Rory could feel her mom staring at her, but she didn't make eye contact. Had she known Jess was going to show up she would have told her mom about the extent of their contact. She had only been putting it off for a year and a half. Rory and Jess had hung out when he was in Stars Hollow a while back, but she hadn't wanted to get into a whole conversation about it with her mom. Not because Lorelai didn't like Jess (even though she wasn't his biggest fan), but because she had always felt a little weird having a close friendship with someone that Logan didn't like.

"Rory! We thought Logan had whisked you away somewhere," Emily said as she caught up with the group. "We thought we were going to have to form a search party." Noticing Jess, her smile became a little strained. "It's Jess, isn't it? How funny, Rory didn't mention you were coming today." As strange as seeing Jess was for Lorelai, Rory couldn't even imagine what her grandma was thinking. She hadn't seen Jess in years and after he and Rory had broken up she probably assumed that was the end of him.

"No, no whisking," Rory said, trying to sound cheerful. Once her dad and grandpa were standing with them she took a deep breath, preparing to rip off the proverbial band-aid. "Actually, Logan and I are not together anymore."

Though she desperately wanted to stubbornly stare at her shoes, she watched as her family reacted to the news. Lorelai literally gasped, while her grandpa's face looked like it had turned to stone. "Look, we don't have to talk about it here. Why don't we leave and go somewhere else until we have to meet Sookie and Jackson for dinner?"

"Oh honey, we don't have to go out tonight. We can just go home if you want," Lorelai said.

Rory shook her head. "Honestly, I just want to go out and have some good food hang out with all of you," she said, even though going out to dinner meant telling the break up story again. Rory was almost certain that her mom had called Sookie the second after Logan asked her permission to marry her, so she would be dying to know what Rory had said. Going home felt like she was giving up, though. She wanted to go out with her family and be happy, or at least try to be happy. Although if she went home she wouldn't have her family looking at her like she was a wounded kitten. "Really, I'm fine. Logan got a job in California and I didn't think that I should go out there with him right now, so we ended things." Technically he had ended things on his own, but it seemed less dramatic if Rory made it sound like an amicable split. Jess knew the truth though, and was giving her an odd look.

"We do have reservations…" Emily said hesitantly. "If you're sure you want to go, then we can go."

"It's really not a big deal," Rory lied. "I just want to go somewhere and sit down and have some food. I'm starving. They should have these kind of things catered." She was trying to make a joke, but she had a feeling that her grandpa would end up saying something about it to someone important at the school. She wouldn't be surprised if there was a Rory Gilmore buffet at next year's commencement ceremony.

"Jess, would you like to join us?" Emily asked. "I'm sure they could pull up a chair for you at the restaurant." She sounded friendly enough, but Rory knew how much she hated last minute changes in plan. People who didn't RSVP to events were the bane of her existence.

"That sounds great, if nobody minds," Jess said, mimicking her polite tone. Since he didn't have a black eye, it was already going better than the last time the three of them had dinner.

"We don't mind," Rory said quickly. "And mom, I said we could give him a ride to Stars Hollow tonight so he can visit with his family. He took the train in, so he doesn't have a car with him." Lorelai gave her a look, but agreed. It wasn't like she could say no in front of her parents, especially since Rory had already told Jess he could go with them.

As the group headed to their respective cars, Rory looked over at her dad. He hadn't said a word since they had caught up with each other, but he looked a little irritated. No doubt he remembered when Rory and Jess had gotten into a car crash back in high school. Rory mentally crossed her fingers, hoping it wouldn't come up at dinner. As excited as she was to see Jess, her summer was off to a complicated start.


	2. Being Alone Is Starting To Take Its Toll

Dinner felt like it dragged on forever. As much as Rory wanted to just sit back and enjoy being with her family and friends, Logan was on her mind the entire time. When she ordered chicken piccata for dinner he popped into her head because he hated olives. The white wine they had with dinner was a brand that Logan had recommended they order on one of their dates shortly after her 21st birthday. Even the necklace her mom gave her from Luke reminded her of how Logan had a flair for giving her extravagant gifts, which in turn made her think of the beautiful engagement ring that was probably on its way back to the jeweler for a refund. Everything made her think of Logan, and it hurt.

In the brief moments she wasn't think about Logan she was observing her family and Jess, hoping nothing would happen. They all seemed relaxed enough and Jess even took a recommendation on what to order from Emily, which she seemed pleased about. Sookie was surprised to see him there and not Logan, but thankfully she was as sweet as always. Her dad seemed wary at first, but he got involved in the conversation when Jess mentioned the bar at the bookstore. Everything seemed fine. Of course, after dinner she knew Lorelai was probably going to dig into her for the real story. While everyone seemed to accept their parting of ways, Lorelai kept giving Rory little glances like she knew there was more to it than Rory had said. Considering the night before Rory had been thinking about marrying him it wasn't surprising that she had caught on.

It was a while before the two of them could talk, though. After dinner they had to load up the rest of Rory's things from the apartment, which was no small task. With Jess there it went by faster, but it was also kind of awkward. It was bad enough that Logan had broken up with her, but she was sad about leaving her apartment, too. It wasn't a great place by any stretch of the imagination, but living there with Paris had actually been fun. Paris had already left with Doyle by the time Rory got there so she didn't even get to say a proper goodbye. With every minute that went by Rory was getting closer and closer to falling apart, but she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of Jess.

When they finally got home Rory collapsed on the couch and closed her eyes. It was late and she was dead tired, but she knew Lorelai wasn't going to let her go to bed that easily. Sure enough, she plopped down on the couch next to Rory. But to Rory's surprise, it wasn't Logan that her mom wanted to talk about.

"So what's going on with you and Jess?" she asked without preamble. "You haven't seen him since you went to his bookstore forever ago and he's showing up at your graduation?"

Rory shrugged. "We've been talking for a while. And I've seen him a few times. He came up to help fix Luke's window after the car crash and we had dinner with Liz and TJ and Luke. Paris and I went to see him in Philadelphia last summer, too."

"You've been hanging out? You had dinner with his mom and Luke? Why didn't you say something?"

"You and Luke had just broken up. I felt weird telling you I was having dinner with him."

"That's not what I mean," Lorelai said. "You've been hanging out with Jess for a year and you didn't tell me? I thought we told each other things, Rory." As much as thinking about Logan hurt, Rory would rather have been talking about him. She didn't like the way her mom sounded. Almost like she was disappointed in her.

"Come on, mom. You never liked Jess."

Lorelai just shook her head. "I wasn't his biggest fan, I'll admit, but it's not like I would've told you that you weren't allowed to talk to him. I was just surprised to see him at graduation. I didn't know if I should be worried about it or not. For all I knew he was stalking you or something!"

Rory laughed, but it sounded thin and weary. "He's not stalking me. I didn't know he would be there, but I told him when it was so it's not like he did anything weird. We haven't even seen each other recently. We've just been talking."

"Is that why you and Logan broke up? He saw you there Jess?"

"What? Mom, no," Rory said, incredulous. "I didn't even know Jess was there until after Logan left."

"You said before that he came to see you and got in a fight with Logan. What am I supposed to think?"

"Not that Logan broke up with me because he saw Jess!"

Lorelai's demeanor instantly changed. "He broke up with you?" she asked softly, looking at Rory sympathetically. Rory had been avoiding direct eye contact with anyone all night, but she couldn't do it anymore.

"Yeah," she said quietly, feeling completely beaten down by the day. "Yeah, he did. I thought we could do the long-distance thing again, but he didn't want that. He said it was all or nothing."

"And you got nothing."

"I got nothing," Rory agreed. She wanted so badly to crawl in her mom's lap like a little kid and cry until she couldn't breathe, but she wanted to stay strong too. "Except that necklace from Luke. That was really nice of him."

Lorelai hesitated like she didn't want to change the subject, but took the bait anyway. "He's always been thoughtful like that. I accidentally told him about the proposal," she added with a cringe. "So be prepared for that if you go into the diner tomorrow."

Rory sighed. "Thanks for the heads up," she said. Thank god Luke wasn't a big talker. "Oh no, you didn't tell Babette or Miss Patty about it, did you?" If either of them knew it would be all over town, which meant her breakup would be all over town tomorrow.

Thankfully Lorelai shook her head. "Are you kidding me? No, I wasn't about to let that get out. But if Babette saw Jess bringing boxes into the house earlier…"

Rory hadn't thought about that. God knows what people would be saying about her if Babette had seen them. "I didn't even think about that," she admitted. "He was helpful though, right?"

"I guess," Lorelai said grudgingly. "He gets that silent-but-somewhat-useful thing from Luke, I think." She looked like she wanted to say more, but stayed quiet. Rory recognized her internal struggle face. Finally, she gave up. "What's really going on with you two?"

"What do you mean?" Rory asked, confused. "We're friends."

"A 'friend' took the train up from Philadelphia just to have dinner with you and your grandparents? Rory, come on. He obviously likes you."

Rory looked at her like she had grown a second head. "No, he doesn't. We're so far past that. I've been with Logan the whole time we've been talking again." Until today.

"What did Logan think about you two talking again?" Rory suddenly became very interest in her nails. They looked terrible with all the spackling she had been doing. "Rory," Lorelai said slowly. "Did he not know you were talking to Jess?" Rory just shrugged. "Rory!"

"The one time they met they completely hated each other. I didn't think Logan would want to hear about it."

"So you hid it from him?" Lorelai asked. "I thought you were all about honesty."

"I wasn't hiding anything from him," Rory said casually. "It just never came up."

"In the year and a half since Logan saw Jess it never came up? How often were you talking to Jess?"

"Whenever," Rory said. "It was on and off for a while. Really, it wasn't a big deal. It just didn't seem important."

"I bet it was a big deal to him," Lorelai said.

It made Rory a little uncomfortable, but she had to admit Lorelai was right. Every time she and Jess had gotten into an argument over the last year and a half it was because of something to do with Logan. Rory could respect that Jess didn't like Logan as a person, but most of the time it seemed like Jess didn't like Logan because he was Rory's boyfriend. There had been a lot of jealousy there.

And Rory would be lying if she said it didn't go both ways. Jess hadn't dated much, but it was hard to deny that she hadn't exactly been happy to see him with Kassidee when she visited him in Philadelphia. It was wrong, but in her head Jess had always sort of been hers. She was the first (and possibly only) person in Stars Hollow that he had liked and even after they broke up he kept trying to come back to her. Even though she had turned him down each time, she kind of got used to the idea that he would always try to come back to her. She had kind of liked it. Dean had married someone else after he dumped her in high school and then completely ignored her after they broke up in college. Even though it was too soon to tell, Rory didn't expect to hear from Logan again. But Jess had kept coming back.

"What are you going to do about him now?" Lorelai asked, breaking Rory out of her thoughts. "Are you going to see him again while he's in Stars Hollow?"

"Mom, I don't know," Rory said. "Maybe. It's not like I'm going to get back together with him or anything. We're just friends."

"Rory, I'm telling you right now. He knows you broke up with Logan and he's not going to want to just be friends anymore."

Lorelai seemed so certain, but Rory wasn't sure. She didn't even know what she would do if Jess tried to initiate a romantic relationship now. The thought honestly scared her a little bit. It was just too much to think about. She couldn't even process not being with Logan anymore much less someone else trying to make a move. She just wanted to go to sleep for a week or two. Everything was just too much. The past two weeks had been awful, and she still had to unpack her things at home and send out a ton of resumes before she and Lorelai left for their rollercoaster road trip in a week or two. Thinking beyond the rest of the night was exhausting. She had been keeping it together so far, but all of her anxieties from the past month were catching up with her fast.

"I really just want to go to bed," Rory said softly. "We can talk more tomorrow if you want, but I… I just want to go to bed."

Lorelai nodded like she understood. "Okay, honey. Sleep good. We'll do something fun tomorrow, okay? Don't worry about unpacking or all those resumes yet. I know you like to get things out of the way, but just relax. School's over forever. It's time to have fun."

Rory smiled wanly. "Right. Fun." From where she was sitting, fun seemed light years away.


	3. I'm Cold And It's Getting Old

The clock on her phone said it was only seven o'clock, but Rory couldn't fall back asleep. She knew her mom wouldn't be up yet, which was fine with her. What she really wanted was a little bit of time alone. Rory threw on a pair of running shorts—which was a ridiculous name for them, since she never ran—and grabbed her keys. She wasn't sure if Luke would bring up Logan, but she knew she could at least count on a hot cup of coffee and a donut.

Luke's was quiet, considering the majority of Stars Hollow was probably still in bed so early on a Sunday morning. Reverend Skinner nodded at her from a table by the window, but seemed more interested in his pre-church omelet than her. Rory took a seat at the counter, expecting Luke to come out of the kitchen any minute. But even though she was expecting Luke, she wasn't completely surprised when Jess walked out of the kitchen instead.

"Hey," he said, like it wasn't completely absurd for Rory to be away so early on a weekend. "Liz was having a problem with her water so Luke ran over to help and I figured I'd fill in for him."

"You do have the experience," Rory said. "I bet you weren't expecting to be put to work in Stars Hollow."

"I'll give you a tip, since you'll be a working girl soon: always expect to be put to work. It makes it a lot less disappointing when you have to stay late or come in early." He picked the biggest mug off the shelf and filled it with coffee for her.

"Wow, that's sage advice from someone who used to be the biggest slacker I knew." Rory took a sip of the coffee. It tasted like heaven. She missed a lot of things from home living in New Haven, but Luke's coffee was at the top of the list. "Although I guess you've grown up a bit since then."

"I do have two jobs now," Jess pointed out. "You want real food or are you good?" he asked, eyeing her as she helped herself to a couple of donuts from the stand. "Some eggs or oatmeal?"

"French toast, please," Rory said. "Extra syrup and extra powdered sugar, extra bacon on the side."

Jess shuddered. "Gross. You're going to get sick."

"I am not," Rory argued. "I need some sugar after yesterday. I didn't get to have cereal for breakfast so I've got a deficit going on."

"How are you doing with all that stuff from yesterday?"

Rory shrugged. It was becoming her default response. Whenever she had a bad day she usually turned to Jess, but it was different actually talking to him in person than texting him. When she texted him she could vent all of her problems without actually seeing his reaction. She didn't have to endure his eye rolling when she complained about Logan or any looks of sympathy he might have given her. It was like talking to a wall, but in a good way. Actually talking about something serious with him so close was a little bit unnerving, even if he had been there yesterday when the whole thing with Logan was actually happening. "You know. Just eating some donuts."

"Right," Jess said, looking like he got the message from Rory's non-answer. "So I'm heading out of town tonight. I've got to work tomorrow. Do you want to grab dinner or something later though? We can go somewhere other than Liz and TJ's this time. No tuna loaf."

She recoiled slightly. "That tuna loaf really was horrible. It did not mix well with the white Russians." Of course, after dinner she and Jess had gone to KC's where they had split a pitcher of beer, so the white Russians were long forgotten by the end of the night. "I'll have to see. I might be doing something with my mom. Or Lane. I haven't seen Lane yet. She'll want me to come over and see the babies."

"You'll be in town a lot longer than I will," Jess pointed out. "You'll have plenty of time to see her. When are you leaving for your big rollercoaster trip?"

"I'm not sure," Rory said. "I've got some things to do first. I'm having a graduation party this weekend and I have a ton of resumes I want to send out, so next week would be the earliest we leave."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"Not sure about that either," Rory said, taking a bite of donut. "Until we get bored or sick or run out of money, I guess. It's all pretty loosely planned out so we could be gone a week or we could be gone a month. I guess it depends on whether or not I get any job offers too," she added as an afterthought. Despite having to prepare dozens of resumes to send out she hadn't actually thought about getting a real job in a couple of days. She had obsessed about it for a few hours after the fellowship fell through, but then she had finals and graduation to think about instead.

"You should come to Philadelphia if you're in the area," Jess said. "I actually have a place now if you wanted to stay for a few days. There's a lot of the city you haven't seen yet."

"Maybe," Rory said, trying to sound enthusiastic even though the idea kind of scared her. Now that she wasn't with Logan she didn't know what to do. If she went to Philadelphia she had no idea what would happen. Was Jess asking to be friendly, or did he want something more to be going on? He had invited Rory to Philadelphia several times before and she had mostly turned him down, saying that Logan wouldn't like her to be alone with Jess. Truthfully, she had been scared then too. If she was being completely honest with herself, it had felt like she and Jess were on the brink of something more than friendship. With Logan around it had been easy enough to push that feeling away and focus on her relationship, but now with him gone she wasn't sure what to feel.

She didn't even think she could talk to Lorelai about it since she had completely denied anything besides friendship the night before. Rory didn't want to crawl back to her mom and admit that she had been right. She had been so exhausted last night and wanted to drop the subject, but seeing Jess today made the whole thing seem so much more real. She wanted to figure this whole thing out, but she didn't know how. Seeing Jess at graduation had made her excited and she was happy to see him, but she didn't know how to navigate things how. Being with Logan had made everything easier. She knew where she stood. She had a boyfriend, so Jess was just a friend. But now she was alone, and Jess was here.

"You don't have to decide anything now," Jess said. "It was just an idea." With that he turned and went back into the kitchen, so he didn't see Rory sigh and bury her head in her hands. Talking to Jess about this was impossible. She'd already told Lorelai nothing was going on. Lane had never really cared for Jess, not matter what she said. Lucy and Olivia were sweet, but much too enthusiastic and optimistic for something like this. What she really needed was Paris, and Paris was probably on a plane to India already.

Paris liked facts. The facts were that Rory had been talking to Jess for quite some time and had previously had romantic feelings for him which was completely inconsequential since she was dating Logan. Now she was not dating Logan, which made her free to pursue any current romantic feelings she might have for Jess. The facts were nice and uncomplicated, but unfortunately laced with all kinds of emotions that Rory didn't even know what to do with. It was easy enough to say she could date Jess if she wanted to, but she was incredibly hurt about Logan breaking up with her and she wasn't 100% how she felt about Jess. Were her feelings for him stemming from their previous relationship, or did she just like having someone she could really talk to? Her relationship with Logan had been rocky at times, but Jess had always been there. It was possible that she had been romanticizing their friendship when things weren't going well with Logan.

This was impossible. Coming to Luke's was supposed to give her some time to clear her head, but she hadn't anticipated Jess being there. "Hey, can I get that to go?" she called to the kitchen. A minute later Jess walked out and handed her a bag. She reached for some money, but Jess waved her away.

"Luke would call it a graduation present," he said, filling up a to-go cup with more coffee. "Just text me later about dinner, okay?"

Rory nodded but didn't say anything. She felt like an idiot as she walked out the door, but that was nothing compared to the horrible sadness that hadn't at all dissipated since the day before. She was really hoping her road trip with her mom turned things around, because she didn't know what else could make her stop feeling like this. The break-up was fresh and she knew from experience that pain would fade over time, but that was actually the least of her problems. At least that was over and done with. It hurt, but she didn't have to think about it anymore. Not knowing when she would find a job or where it would be was terrifying, and this whole Jess situation was messing with her head. It wasn't entirely unfamiliar thanks to meeting him in high school when she was with Dean, but it was unwanted just the same.

She had always thought that you got smarter once you got older, but that wasn't true. Sure, she was more technically educated than she had been in high school but she didn't feel like she knew anything more about relationships. Things had seemed complicated with Dean at the time, but now she actually longed for the simplicity of her high school romance. She was officially a college graduate but she was farther away from figuring out her life than she ever had been.


	4. I Should've Made Some Changes

Rory had planned on being productive when she got home, but her early morning encounter with Jess made her want to burrow under her blankets for a little while longer. She was still in bed when Lorelai knocked on her door at ten. Rory just groaned in response.

"Rory, I'm bored! Let's go do something." Lorelai Gilmore: inn owner, mother, and perpetual eight year old.

"I'm busy!" Rory called back, pulling the blankets over her head.

"It's summer!" Lorelai came in and sat on the bed, bouncing a few times. "Nobody is busy during the summer. Even the inn isn't as busy in the summer. The Stars Hollow mosquitos aren't nearly as charming as our leaves and snowmen. And I don't have to go into work today so I can spend the whole day with my darling daughter."

"Maybe not the whole day," Rory said. "I might go out for dinner with Jess later." The words were out of her mouth before she could really consider the consequences. If she had, she probably would've kept it to herself. Lorelai didn't particularly happy.

"Jess is still in town?"

"Just for the day," Rory said. "He has to work tomorrow so he's taking a train back to Philadelphia tonight."

Lorelai raised an eyebrow. "He must be leaving pretty late if he wants to have dinner."

"I guess."

"Well, are you going?"

Rory sighed. "I don't know." She had a feeling if she asked Lorelai what she should do she would just say no. Rory didn't want someone to tell her not to go. But she also didn't know if she should. "It's complicated."

She knew that was the wrong choice of words right away. "It's 'complicated'? Why is it complicated?"

Rory pulled the blanket back over her head. "I didn't mean complicated," she said, her voice muffled. "It's not complicated. It's nothing."

Lorelai pulled the blanket away. "He shows up at your graduation at the exact moment that you and Logan break up and then you say you've been talking to him and seeing him in Philadelphia for years. You can see why I would think there's something more going on there."

"Logan and I breaking up had absolutely nothing to do with Jess. It didn't even have anything to do with me! That was all Logan." Saying his name made her heart feel heavy. "And like I said, I had no idea Jess was going to be there. I hadn't seen him for a while before yesterday. I never in a million years expected him to actually show up at the graduation. It was a complete coincidence."

"I can't believe he asked you out for dinner the day after you broke up with Logan. That is so like him. He swooped in what, thirty seconds after you and Dean broke up in high school?"

Rory winced. "It's not like that. We haven't seen each other in a while and he's going home today so he just thought it would be nice to catch up before he leaves."

"You don't catch up enough texting him every day? I hope you had an unlimited texting plan, texting him and Logan all this time."

"Why are you acting like this?" Rory asked. "I know you've never liked Jess, but I wasn't doing anything wrong. Do you think I was cheating on Logan with him?"

Lorelai softened. "Of course not," she said. "I just think it's a little strange that you had such a drawn out relationship with Jess while you were dating Logan, and that you never told Logan about it. Do you think Luke would have been okay with me texting Christopher while we were engaged?"

"Luke hates Dad," Rory said automatically. Oh, right. That was the point her mom was trying to make. "I didn't have a 'relationship' with Jess," she said, moving forward. "We were friends. We are friends. That's all."

Lorelai shook her head. "That's what you said last night, honey, but I don't think that's what Jess is thinking. I thought maybe after you slept on it a little you would realize that." She sighed, looking like whatever she was going to say next would be painful for her. "Maybe you should go to dinner with him, so you can figure this out. You're clearly on two different pages here."

Rory couldn't believe that her mom actually told her to go out with Jess. That wasn't at all what she was expecting. But even though she wanted the validation, something felt off. She didn't like that her mom was trying to make more out of this than there really was. There had been times in the past where it seemed like Jess was after more than just friendship, but that was in the past. Things had been really good between the two of them lately, as friends. Of course, Rory had been busy the last few months. What if she was reading Jess' friendliness completely wrong?

She thought back on all the times lately that she had complained to him or turned to him when things didn't work out. He had always been there to listen and pick her up when she was feeling down. There had been times she broke bad news to him before she even told Logan, because she knew she could count on Jess to be attentive and say the right thing. Was that more than just being run of the mill friendly? She had to admit, she had never had a lot of male friends. She could get along with almost anyone in class and had been friendly with people who lived in her dorms, but any guys she saw on a regular basis were fringe friendships. She knew Doyle far too well because Paris was dating him, she knew Zach and Brian through Lane and of course all the guys from the Life and Death Brigade were really Logan's friends. She had never really thought about what she was supposed to do about having a close guy friend at the same time as a boyfriend. Mostly she had avoided the issue.

Suddenly, Rory was tired. She felt like she was supposed to know a lot more than she did, and that was annoying. She was 22 but she was being lectured about her friendships by her mother like a child. She had thought college had gone so well for her. She had a more or less stable long-term relationship, a roommate she got along with more often than not and she had never missed class because she was hungover. Yes, there was the semester she took off, but she had gone back stronger than ever. It hadn't really occurred to her that she had missed out on some of the nuances of relationships. Now she felt a little bit uncomfortable. It had been great being friends with Jess again, but what if she had been doing things wrong?

She would go out to dinner with Jess, she decided. She needed to know that they weren't actually on different pages, and that they were just good friends. And if she had been completely misreading things and her mom was right then she would be able to clear that up. She wasn't looking for a relationship. Not now. She had rollercoasters to ride and papers to send her resumes to. Hopefully by the end of the summer someone would offer her a job and no matter where it was, she was sure she would take it. In a couple of months she could be potentially be anywhere in the country, and she certainly wasn't going to be taking messy romantic feelings with her. Someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) she would be able to move past Logan and find someone new, but now was not the time and Jess was not the person.

Rory made a mental note to repeat that to herself every hour before dinner.

"You're right," she told Lorelai, knowing that would placate her for at least a little while. "I should go out to dinner with him, just to clear things up. You always know what to do when it comes to stuff like this. Thanks, Mom." Rory smiled at her, but Lorelai saw right through it.

"Hey, you're trying to get rid of me!" Lorelai said, pouting.

"Maybe a little, but I left you a Luke's donut on the counter."

"You went to Luke's already? You've been holding out on me." Lorelai hesitated. "How's he doing?"

"I don't know; he wasn't there. He was fixing something at Liz's so Jess was filling into him. Did something happen with him? I thought you guys were friends again. Or friendly."

Lorelai smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It's nothing. We just had a weird conversation last time we talked. He was annoyed that Kirk was in a box… It was nothing. I'm sure he's back to normal now. Kirk is back on solid ground, so…"

Rory nodded like her mom was actually making sense. "Well, I didn't see him. But he's always been a little weird."

"Yeah," Lorelai said. "I know you were there earlier but do you want to go in a while for lunch? We could catch a movie or something after that. I don't know what's playing but I bet we could find something pretty bad."

"A bad movie sounds great," Rory said. "Do you want to leave at 1-ish? I've got a couple of things I want to do here first."

"More resumes?" Rory nodded. "Knock yourself out. I'm going to take a shower."

After Lorelai left, Rory picked up her phone. It felt weird not having any texts from Jess. It was nice seeing him in person, but she was used to having messages from him on her phone. Even on the days when they didn't talk a lot she could usually count on a story from the diner or the bookstore waiting for her after class.

_Dinner sounds great_, Rory typed. _I'm free at 6. You can pick a place. _Before she could change her mind she hit send.


	5. We Were So Smothered In Love

Rory was uncharacteristically quiet and she and Jess drove to Hartford later that night. Jess planned to catch the train in Hartford after dinner so Rory was driving, but even that didn't help her feel more comfortable. Usually it felt like she and Jess could talk about anything under the sun, but it felt different this time. _Do you like me? _she wanted to ask. _Why did you ask me out tonight?_

"I thought we'd just go somewhere simple," Jess said finally, breaking the silent streak that had gone on for nearly six minutes. It felt like an eternity. "Burgers, fries. We could've just gone to Luke's, but Hartford seemed easier since that's where the train station is."

Rory nodded like he'd said something really interesting, even though they'd had basically the same conversation when he showed up at her house earlier. "What time does your train leave?" she asked, even though he'd already told her.

"8:30," he said, thankfully humoring her. "I should probably get there around 8:15 though in case it's early."

Rory didn't take trains often but she hadn't known them to ever be early. It was too bad more people didn't take tips from Mussolini. "Sounds good," she said, even though the idea of spending two hours at dinner seemed a little impossible. If they couldn't fill the silence for the half hour drive to Hartford what would they talk about at dinner? They had the radio on in the car and even that hadn't sparked any conversation, even though Jess was almost as big a music buff as Rory was.

The restaurant Jess had picked was a nondescript little place, which made Rory relax a little bit. At least he hadn't picked somewhere like Mill on the River, which was one of her grandmother's favorite restaurants for its romantic atmosphere. The fluorescent lights and the smell of burgers grilling were about as non-romantic as it got. The booth Rory and Jess sat in helped too. It was hard to imagine being on an actual date sitting in a slightly cracked vinyl booth that could've held at least two more people.

"So, thanks for coming," Jess said. "I wasn't sure you'd want to after all the excitement yesterday." Excitement was one word for it. "I actually kind of expected you to get wrapped up in unpacking or something and completely forget."

"I wouldn't do that," Rory said, even though she actually done the same thing earlier when she and her mom were supposed to go to lunch. Lorelai nearly had to pry Rory away from her computer, where she had been meticulously double-checking her resume for almost an hour. "I figured I owed you a normal dinner after being out with everyone last night."

"It was kind of nice," Jess said. "It's not often I have some sort of seafood in weird sauce."

Rory had to laugh at that. She had been very surprised when Jess' dish arrived, all tiny and properly garnished. "I can't believe you actually took my grandma's advice on what to order. I thought my dad was going to hurt himself trying not to laugh when the food got there."

"He was laughing at me?"

"His face was completely red. I can't believe you didn't notice!"

"I just thought he might have been choking quietly," Jess said, opening his menu. "See that? It's a cheeseburger. That's what was missing on the menu last night."

"They had steak tartare," Rory said. "That's sort of like the cheeseburger, just without the cheese. And the bun."

"And the grill."

"Okay, you've got me there," Rory said, looking at the menu. "This burger comes with fries and a side salad. Do you think they'd replace the salad with onion rings?"

Jess shook his head. "I don't think I'm allowed to let you order that after what you had for breakfast," he said. "I don't think a salad would kill you."

"It's just that salad doesn't taste very good," Rory said. "They're always taste like they're missing something."

"They're not deep-fried," Jess pointed out. "And they're usually not covered in salt."

"I think that's probably it," Rory said. "If I eat my salad can I get pie for dessert? They've got coconut cream here and no matter how many times I tell Luke he needs to start making it he never does."

"Luke's allergic to coconut," Jess said. "You didn't know that?"

"No," Rory said, genuinely surprised. "I just thought he liked ignoring my suggestions. He never brought the monte cristo back either, you know."

"That's because no one wants a deep-fried French toast and ham sandwich." Even Rory had to shudder at the description. She had never actually worked up the courage to order it, even though Lorelai had dared her to several times. It was just too much, even for her.

By the time the waitress came by to take their order, Rory felt much better. The drive to Hartford had been a little awkward, but she felt like her old self again. It had taken her a little while to ease into it, but being with Jess just felt comfortable. When they had first met, she always felt a little different around Jess, like he was constantly challenging her. It had made her a little uncomfortable, the way he had made her really examine herself and what she was doing. Now though, things just felt right between them. They were just two friends catching up over dinner.

Even though Luke had gone way overboard with lunch at the diner, Rory couldn't help but dig in. The fries were particularly excellent. While she would always have a special place in her heart for Luke's steak fries, these fries were skinny and perfectly crispy. For a few minutes she and Jess concentrated on eating, but Jess eventually spoke up. "So, how are you doing? I know yesterday was pretty crazy for you."

Rory dipped another fry in ketchup, not looking up from her place. "Oh, you know. I've got a lot to do still, but I think I can get it done before my mom and I leave."

Jess nodded, even though Rory had carefully avoided any mention of Logan. "Have you heard from him?" he asked. Despite how easy it was to talk to him, Jess still had the tendency to push Rory. From anyone else she probably would have brushed the question aside, but she didn't feel like she could do that with him.

"No," she said quietly, fiddling with the straw in her soda. "I don't think I will. I don't really have anything to say to him, and I can't imagine what he would say to me. I think we've probably said everything we're going to." She didn't want to admit that she had checked her phone a dozen times since yesterday afternoon simultaneously hoping and dreading a phone call or text from him, but he hadn't reached out at all. And why should he? He was going off to a great job and a new life in California and she hadn't wanted to go with him. They'd both made their choices, and those choices didn't include each other. "And he'll be in California soon, so I don't think I'll ever see him again."

Rory took a bite of her burger, trying to cover up how much saying those words hurt her. Logan had been in her life for years and now he was gone. He would always be out there somewhere, but never with her. Watching pickle juice drip onto her plate, she wondered how many more nights she would spend crying herself to sleep. How many more days she would spend feeling empty. Being out with Jess was the first thing all day that actually made her feel like a human instead of a zombie.

Jess regarded her with his dark eyes. She wanted to look away. "You didn't want to end things, did you?"

Rory shook her head. "I thought we could still be together. I thought maybe in a few months or a year we could reassess things. But he didn't want m—that." She had almost said Logan didn't want her, but she didn't want to let herself believe that was true.

It seemed like Jess made some sort of decision when she said that. For the rest of dinner they avoided talking about Logan completely. Jess talked about the bookstore and the diner, and Rory told a couple of stories about the theater party she had gone to with Lucy and Olivia. Rory was in the middle of trying to convince Jess to rescue a kitten that had been wandering around outside his apartment when she caught a glimpse of her watch and noticed that it was already 8:05. She smiled to herself, thinking about how she had been worried about filling two hours with Jess. She should've known that it wouldn't be hard. "We should get going," Rory said. "I'm not sure where the train station is from here and I don't want you to miss your train."

"I'm sure it'll be late," Jess said, but they got up to leave anyway. Things were better than before when they got back in the car, but Rory was very aware that they were running out of time. She had gone with Jess to figure out what he was thinking and she hadn't done that. They had talked about everything but their friendship. She wasn't sure when she would see him again after he got on the train, which made her nervous. She didn't want things to be up in the air, but she didn't want to start a serious conversation either.

"I had fun tonight," Rory said finally as they turned on the street the Amtrak station was on. "Thanks for asking me to come with you. I needed to get out and do something." Lorelai had been trying to cheer her up all day but it had become more and more grating as the day went on. She appreciated the attempt, but it hadn't worked.

"I had fun too," Jess said. "I'm glad I decided to crash your graduation."

"You didn't crash anything," Rory said. "It was nice that you showed up. I didn't think you would."

Jess shrugged. "I figured I'd try to make up for the last time," he said. That caught Rory off guard. With everything that had gone on with Logan she hadn't even thought about Jess missing her high school graduation. She was surprised he even brought it up. They had referenced high school in the past, but they didn't talk too much about him leaving for California. Rory was starting to think of California as the land of lost boyfriends.

"Well… thanks," Rory said as she pulled up to the station. "So. This is the train station. I've never been here before. I've only taken the train out of New Haven. It kind of looks the same." She could feel herself babbling but she didn't really know what to do about it. Jess opened his door to get out of the car and even though she didn't have to, Rory did the same.

"So. I'll see you someday," Jess said. The way he said it made Rory feel sad and hopeful at the same time. It was so matter-of-fact. They didn't know when they would see each other again, but Jess was sure that they would. It was a bright spark in an uncertain future.

"Right." Rory could hear the train coming in the distance. For a minute the two of them just stood there, watching it get closer. "Well…" She was trying to think of a way to say goodbye, but it didn't happen like she planned. The words just fell away from her as they looked at each other. It had always felt like their whole relationship had revolved around Jess leaving, but it felt different this time. Rory didn't think she moved any closer to Jess, but suddenly he was right there with his arms around her.

"Goodbye, Rory," Jess said, his lips only an inch from hers. Rory could tell that he wanted to close the distance between the two of them and in that moment, she did too. She closed her eyes, preparing to just do it. She didn't have a boyfriend anymore. If she wanted to kiss him, then she could.

But she couldn't. Before she could move, Jess had broken away and was heading for the train. For a brief second he looked over his shoulder at her. Rory couldn't even begin to read the look on his face, but he didn't look nearly as confused as she felt. She watched him get on the train and stood there until the whistle blew and the train started moving. She couldn't see him through any of the windows on her side, even though she looked for him as each car passed.

It wasn't until she was back in her car that she realized she hadn't said goodbye.

* * *

A/N: I swear when I write these chapters Jess and Rory just do whatever they want, even if I really really want them to do other things. It's a good thing they're so pretty.


	6. A Chance To Come Up For Air

"So he stood there watching you and Logan break up and then texted you saying he was there? Rory, that's what stalkers do." Lane got up carefully and laid the now-sleeping baby in a bassinet by his brother.

"He's not a stalker," Rory said, even though it had jarred her a little knowing that he was watching her conversation with Logan. "There were a billion people there and he was walking around trying to find me. It makes sense, really."

Lane shook her head. "I don't know," she said, popping the top off a can of Pringles and offering it to Rory. "It seems creepy the way you said it. Were you mad?"

"Mad that he was there?" Lane nodded. "No. I mean, it wasn't my finest moment, but it was so like Jess, you know? Showing up out of nowhere to surprise me."

Lane snorted, then immediately looked over at the babies. Luckily they stayed asleep. "You mean like at that hockey game in high school when he surprised you with concert tickets after being a crappy boyfriend? Or when he surprised you at the winter carnival and told you he loved you, and then left? Or when he surprised you at your dorm and tried to get you to run away with him?"

While Rory appreciated having a best friend that she could talk to about absolutely anything, Lane never forgot anything. "It was different this time. No concert tickets, no proclamations or ridiculous offers. He just wanted to say congratulations."

"When did sending cards and a twenty go out of style?"

"It was sweet, okay?"

Lane looked at Rory carefully. "It was 'sweet'? When has Jess ever done something sweet? What's going on with the two of you?"

"Oh, not you too," Rory said, cracking a Pringle in half. "My mom has been on my case about him all weekend. We're just friends."

"Just friends."

"Yup."

"You and Jess. Your ex-boyfriend. The one who got away."

Rory laughed incredulously. "He is not the one who got away! We're adults now, with an adult friendship." She cringed at the wording. "Not like that. You know what I mean. We're both mature individuals who can handle having a regular friendship."

"If you say so," Lane said, mercilessly dropping the subject. "Is he still in town? Liz and Doula were in Luke's this morning but he wasn't with them."

"No, he left last night. I dropped him off at the train station in Hartford."

"You dropped him off?"

"He wanted to get dinner beforehand. He came with us to dinner after graduation but that was a little weird with my grandparents and my dad there and everything, so we didn't really get to catch up."

"Don't you guys talk all the time? What was there to catch up on?"

"I've been really busy with finals and things," Rory said. "So we haven't talked that much lately. We just grabbed a bite to eat. It really wasn't a big deal." Rory didn't like the way Lane was looking at her. After being friends for nearly twenty years it was hard to get anything past her, and Lane certainly looked like she thought Rory was keeping something from her. "Okay," Rory said with a sigh. "It was a little weird when we said goodbye at the train station. It kind of seemed like maybe he was going to kiss me. But he didn't. So nothing happened."

"Whoa, wait. What do you mean it _seemed _like he was going to kiss you? How does it seem like someone is going to kiss you? Every time I've been kissed it was very obvious that it was going to happen." Rory didn't have a lot more experience than Lane in the relationship department, but they'd had very different experiences. Dave had been a perfect boyfriend until he moved for school and then Lane married Zach, so she hadn't dealt with as many romantic ups and downs as Rory had. Lucky girl.

"Well, he gave me a hug, which I didn't really expect to be honest." Jess wasn't huge on physical affection, so the hug had kind of raised a flag with Rory. "And then when he said goodbye his mouth was like two inches away from mine. So I thought maybe he would kiss me. But he just got on his train instead."

"That boy is so confusing," Lane said disapprovingly. "Did you want him to kiss you?"

"I don't know," Rory said, poking at a chip crumb on her shirt. "I kind of did. I thought maybe about just doing it, but he pulled away so quickly. It was just so _confusing._ My mom was actually the one who said I should go out with Jess, because she thinks he likes me and thought we should talk about it and 'get on the same page'."

"Well, can you blame her?" Lane asked. "Let's face it, Jess has never exactly been the most verbose person and suddenly he's texting you every day and telling you all about his life in Philadelphia and asking you about your life. He came all the way from Pennsylvania just to see you after your graduation, and then he almost kissed you at dinner. You know I'm always on your side, but I have to agree with your mom on this one. He definitely likes you."

Since it was apparently obvious to everyone except Rory, she was starting to consider that Jess really did like her. Unfortunately that didn't really clear anything up. "But even if he does like me, we didn't talk about it at dinner. I wanted to clear things up and get everything out in the open, but it never came up and I felt weird bringing it up." They'd had plenty to talk about, but it was all about work or friends. There was something a little weird about their dinner, though. "I kind of thought we were heading in the direction of a real conversation, but Jess changed the subject pretty quickly. We were talking about Logan and Jess asked if I had wanted to break up with him. When I said no, he completely went in a different direction and started telling a story about something that happened at the bar. So I just went along with it."

Lane nodded knowingly. "You want to know what I think was going on? I think he was trying to gauge your feelings for Logan. I bet if you were the one who had broken up with Logan, Jess would've jumped on you right then."

"Don't be gross," Rory said, looking over at the babies. Like they could understand them.

Lane waved her off. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that if you had said you were over Logan then you probably would've talked about your relationship and he definitely would have kissed you after dinner."

"But I'm not over Logan," Rory said. It still felt like a dull knife was lodged under her ribcage.

"Exactly," Lane said. "So he didn't pursue anything. But I bet in a couple of months he'll mysteriously show up wherever you are and try again."

"I don't think so," Rory said. "I know we're friends again, but I don't think we'll ever actually be together again. It just wouldn't work out. He's got his life and Philadelphia and who knows where I'll get a job? It's not realistic. Look at what happened with Logan and I. He was right. It would've been impossible having a long distance relationship again. It was one thing when he was in London and knew when he was coming home, but he wasn't coming back from California." She didn't want Logan to be right in breaking up with her, but she knew he was. "This would be the same thing. Jess isn't coming back from Philadelphia and I could end up being states away from him. And I'm sure he knows that too. So I don't think he'll try anything."

"I don't know, Rory," Lane said. "It's Jess."

It seemed like everyone was right this weekend except Rory. Because while Lane hadn't said much, she was right. If anyone could show up out of nowhere after months of being away and sweep Rory off her feet, it was Jess.


	7. Where Did The Time Go?

Thankfully the next week went by without much drama. Rory and Jess had several completely normal conversations, not talking about Logan or their dinner together or the moment at the train station. Rory unpacked and then repacked for the trip and stamped and addressed tons of resumes while Lorelai made notes on the best rollercoasters around the United States. Cedar Point was not to be missed of course, but there were other coasters spread around that looked promising. By the Friday rolled around Rory was pretty much settled at home again and was feeling pretty confident about her job prospects. Her and Lorelai's drive to Friday night dinner was companionable, their argument about Jess left in the dust. After dinner and Rory's graduation party the next day the only thing that stood between her and a vacation was some loose ends Lorelai had to tie up at the inn before they could leave. It was officially starting to feel like summer.

The Gilmores' gardeners had been out in full force, it seemed like. Everything looked fresh and lush as they pulled up to house. It made Rory feel optimistic. Unlike the last couple of Friday nights, this one would hopefully be free of excitement. It was hard to believe that it had only been a week ago that Logan had proposed to her here, or that two weeks ago she had been announcing that she didn't get the fellowship she had been hoping for. She vaguely wondered if her grandparents' had been able to sell the Manhattan condo they had bought for her to use. She hoped so.

Emily seemed a bit more enthusiastic than usual when she greeted them. "There are my girls! How are you enjoying being a college graduate?"

"It's a lot of the same, really," Lorelai replied, handing her purse to the maid. "Although I did get a call from upstairs the other day. You know, the White House. I'm not at liberty to say what it was about though."

"I meant Rory," Emily said dryly. Rory smiled. It felt good for things to be back to normal. Her grandparents had been walking on eggshells around her on Saturday after her breakup, but the delicate atmosphere seemed to be a thing of the past.

"Oh, it's great," Rory said as they settled in the living room with drinks. Emily had mixed up a picture of martinis because it was what Lorelai always drank, but truthfully Rory would have rather had a beer. It was certainly an acquired taste, but Logan and his friends were always drinking beer so she had picked up the habit too. She had ordered wine once when they had all been out at a bar and she had gotten a few strange looks. She couldn't imagine what her grandma would say if she asked for one, though. "I love the free time. The first week of summer is always great coming off of finals. Of course, I've been busy packing this week for the big trip."

Emily grimaced. "I cannot believe you two are going to traipse around the country riding rollercoasters. That sounds ridiculous. And expensive." She eyed Lorelai, but Lorelai didn't look concerned.

"It'll be fine," she said. "I've been saving up for this. After all, you only graduate college once. And I might not have the chance again. Rory sent out about a billion resumes. Someone's going to snap her up soon and then she'll be gone."

"Hi, right here," Rory said, trying not to make a face as she sipped her gin. "It's not like I'm dying or something. This isn't a Make a Wish situation."

"Who's dying?" Richard asked, walking into the room with a paper folded under his arm. "Rory! It's good to see you again."

"You just saw me on Saturday, Grandpa," Rory said. "And no one is dying. Mom was just being dramatic about me getting a job."

"You got a job? That's fantastic!"

"Not yet, Richard," Emily said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not letting you take work calls anymore on Friday nights. You're always a step behind. We were just talking about the girls' vacation and Lorelai pointed out that Rory will have a job soon."

"Ah. Carry on."

"It's not like anything is a done deal," Rory said. "I sent resumes to almost 80 different papers, but a lot of them probably aren't even hiring. I'll get lucky if I find something within the next few months."

"Casting a wide net. Very smart." Richard nodded approvingly. "Are there any papers you really want to work at?"

Oh, I'll work wherever will hire me," Rory said. "There are a lot of good papers out there, but even if I get in at a smaller paper it's experience, and I can always work my way up."

"Unless of course your brain falls out on the Top Thrill Dragster," Lorelai pointed out.

"I'll be sure to hold it in."

"What on earth is the Top Thrill Dragster?" Emily asked. The name sounded funny coming out of her mouth.

"It's a rollercoaster that goes straight up and then straight down at 120 miles an hour," Lorelai said. "It's a 400 foot drop and it goes from 0 to 120 in four seconds."

"3.8 seconds," Rory corrected. "I read it on Wikipedia."

"You are not going on a ride that drops you 400 feet!" Emily exclaimed.

"Relax, Mom. It's perfectly safe."

Emily shook her head. "I just don't understand you girls. How is that fun?"

"It just is," Rory said. "Half the fun of this trip is going to be the food, though. I'm going to eat my weight in cotton candy."

"Speaking of eating, I see that Marjorie has set out our salads. Should we eat something with some actual nutritional value?"

"Sure," Lorelai said, draining the rest of her martini. "It may be the last time we do for a while."

Dinner was occasionally when the conversation turned serious, but to Rory's relief everyone kept it light. Emily expressed her displeasure about their trip several more times and got Richard to agree with her, but Rory saw a twinkle in her grandpa's eyes. Emily laughed when Rory said she would bring them back t-shirts from everywhere they visited, but Richard tipped his wine glass in her direction. Even though she was excited about the trip, she was going to miss Friday night dinners. She didn't know how long they would be gone but she knew they would miss at least a couple.

"So, Lorelai," Emily said as their entrée plates were cleared. "Have you ever thought about opening a spa at the Dragonfly?"

"Nope." Lorelai took a sip of wine and looked around eagerly for the maid, no doubt hoping for dessert.

"The Ballantyne was absolutely lovely when I was there. I have to say, it gave me a few ideas about your place."

"We don't need a spa, Mom," Lorelai said. "And I don't think our guests have ever been too put out by us not having one."

"Because they don't know what they're missing," Emily argued. "Trust me, if you offered some treatments—just simple things, nothing over the top—they would respond."

"I'm not wrapping our guests in seaweed."

"You wouldn't be doing the wrapping, Lorelai. The masseurs would do that."

"I was speaking generally. No one is getting wrapped in seaweed at the Dragonfly. Sookie would probably mistake for food and make sushi or something with it anyway."

"Well what about hot rock massages?" Emily tried. "Very simple, very cost effective. It could be a real money maker. And people tip better when they're relaxed."

Lorelai's eyes lit up as the maid brought in the dessert. "People don't tip me, Mom," she said, immediately digging into her strawberry shortcake. "And we don't have the money to expand and add a spa. I'm assuming you're not expecting us to start offering hot rock massages in the dining room?"

"It wouldn't be as expensive as you'd think," Emily said. "I know some very talented people who could probably give you a great price."

"We've got a contractor, and he's not adding a spa."

"So short-sighted," Emily said, shaking her head sadly. "Rory, don't you think a spa would add a certain something to the inn?"

"It would add a spa," she said delicately, not wanting to take sides. A hot rock massage sounded pretty good to her, but she knew the Dragonfly couldn't be pulling in nearly enough money to tack on a spa. As she attempted to spear a strawberry with her impossibly small dessert fork, another thought came to mind. "Hey, are you guys coming to my graduation party tomorrow? It'll be a lot of fun. Sookie's been baking for days now and Luke's going to grill in the square and I think I saw a piñata Mom stashed in the closet."

"Hey, you weren't supposed to see that!" Lorelai said, her mouth full of cake. Emily looked at her reproachfully. "You really should come," she said after swallowing. "I know Stars Hollow isn't exactly your scene, but everyone will be there. It's gonna be a blow-out."

"We'll think about it," Emily said. She tried to look disapproving at Lorelai describing it as a blow-out, but a sneak peek at Richard told Rory that her grandparents would definitely be there.

"Great," Lorelai said. "It's in the town square from whenever we decide to start it until Taylor yells at us for being outside too late."

"I don't suppose you have an invitation for us?" Emily said sarcastically. "I want to make sure I RSVP so you know that I'll be there at 'whenever'."

"Aim for dinnertime, Grandma," Rory said. "Six or so. And if things aren't ready by then can all just hang out at the house." Lorelai looked like she had some objections to that plan.

"Well, I'll be very busy setting up the party, so I probably won't be there," Lorelai said. "Rory will entertain you, though."

"Really, Lorelai. I don't understand why you object to us coming to your house. It's a nice place. I'm sure you've done your best with it."

"There it is," Lorelai said. "That's why. It's fine, Mom. You can hang out with Paul Anka and Rory if you get there early."

"Did you hear that, Richard? We get to 'hang out' with a dog."

"Wow, look at the time," Lorelai said. "We'd better get going." As the maid came around to clear their dessert plates, Lorelai stood up. "Dinner was wonderful as usual, but we really do have to get home. Lots of last minute party details to take care of. But we will see both of you there tomorrow at some point."

"Six," Rory repeated as they walked to the door. "Six is fine."

"How are we going to handle your mother when you're not around, Rory?" Emily asked, stepping out on the porch with them. Impulsively, Rory hugged her grandma.

"I don't know, Grandma. But if anyone can get her into shape, it's you." Lorelai stuck her tongue out and Emily laughed. Lorelai and Emily were both like the south ends of magnets. Hopefully the last seven years of Friday night dinners had helped repair the bonds between the two of them, though. Rory hadn't really thought about what her family would be like when she wasn't home to try to diffuse some of the tension between her mom and grandma. She hoped every Friday night could be like this one, even if she wasn't there.

* * *

A/N: I realize Jess was barely even mentioned in this chapter, but I love the elder Gilmores. And yes, this time around Rory was not offered the campaign job. Don't worry about her, though. She'll be fine.


	8. Where Did Our Minds Go?

A/N: Okay, I'm going to admit something to you guys. I don't really ship Lorelai and Luke. I loved them as friends but I always thought it went a little downhill when they actually got together. I always kind of liked Lorelai best with Jason (which is not an opinion anyone else seems to share). However, they were very cute in the finale and I always tear up a little bit when they kiss. So anyway, here's chapter 8. I'm so glad I've been getting positive responses ton the story so far! It's a big switch not just writing texts between Rory and Jess, but it's fun so far. And I promise that chapter 9 will actually have a little more Jess in it since the last like three chapters kind of didn't.

* * *

"Early," Rory mumbled, watching the coffee drip slowly into her travel mug. "There isn't any coffee."

"Well, the coffee is sleepy just like you," Lorelai said, not sounding the least bit tired. She had woken Rory up at 4:30 on Sunday morning, announcing that she didn't actually have anything to do at the inn during the week so they were leaving for their trip right then. She called it a surprise. Rory, who was not even remotely okay with waking up at 5am, would've picked a different word.

It didn't help that she was running on just a few hours of sleep. Her graduation party the day before had been a hit and she was so full of adrenaline that she didn't fall asleep until long after she tried to go to bed. Her grandparents had shown up, much to Lorelai's pretend dismay, and Rory actually got her grandma to try a bite of a hot dog. Emily acted repulsed, but Rory knew it was impossible to not enjoy a hot dog grilled up fresh by Luke. Grilling had been a big hit, even with Taylor hovering nervously around the grills waiting for the grass to go up in flames. Luke threw a hot dog at him at one point, which was enjoyed by everyone with a sense of humor (but not so much by Taylor). The actual planned entertainment was a hit, too. Lorelai had been hiding not one, but five piñatas, all of which were filled with a mix of mini candy bars and airplane bottles of booze. Babette had gone around the party searching for people with rum, proposing trades so that she and Morey could live out their fantasy of being pirate giants, whatever that meant. Rory hadn't wanted to think about it too hard. Taylor had also given a speech, but it made far too many references to amniotic fluid for Rory's liking so she had blocked that out the best she could.

Even though it was ridiculous, Rory half expected Jess to show up at the party. He had shown up at graduation, after all. All of Rory's casual glances around the party had been for nothing, though. Jess was nowhere to be found. When he texted her later that evening it was about work, so Rory wasn't even sure he knew about the party. Up until that point, Rory had sort of been hoping he would show up.

She was thinking about him again as she packed her things in the car. She wasn't sure what route they would take, but she didn't remember Pennsylvania being on the list at all. Despite Jess' offer, Rory doubted that she would see him on their trip. She couldn't imagine her mom wanting to make a big detour just so she could go see Jess. She wasn't even sure what she would do if she saw him again. After talking to Lane she was more confused than ever.

"Stop daydreaming and get in the car!" Lorelai said, jumping in the driver's seat. "I told Luke to have our coffee ready for us by 5, and it's already 5:20."

"Luke's doesn't open until 7," Rory pointed out.

"Ah, but we're special," Lorelai said, a mischievous glint in her eye. Rory was certain that something had happened between her mom and Luke at the party yesterday but she wasn't sure what. The only time she had actually seen them directly interact was when they were up getting food and even then Luke was so swamped that he mostly just snapped at other people to get out of their way so he could load up their plates with hot dogs and burgers. "He'll be open."

Sure enough, the lights were on in the diner when they pulled up and Luke was working away behind the counter. Seeing the Jeep outside the window he grabbed two coffee cups and started filling them. "Wow, we get good service here," Rory said. "He's getting us coffee and we're not even inside yet."

"I told him we were in a hurry," Lorelai said. "If he was following directions he's also got bacon and omelets going."

"Did you do something dirty to Luke?" Rory asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer. Lorelai shook her head, but she was smiling.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about it," she said, leading the way into the dinner. The smile she gave Luke was infectious. Rory wasn't sure what was going on with them, but she was happy her mom was happy.

"Rory, your mom is very bossy," Luke said, setting their coffee down in front of them. "You guys want donuts to go with this?"

"And hash browns! Please," Lorelai added when Luke gave her a stern look.

"What is going on with you guys?" Rory asked as Luke walked back into the kitchen. "You got back together, didn't you?"

Lorelai sipped her coffee slowly, clearly enjoying the attention. "That's not for me to say," she said mysteriously. "But we did kiss."

"Aw, good for you guys," Rory said, filled with real happiness. Losing Luke had been really hard on Lorelai, and Rory was glad that it looked like they could work things out.

"Passionately," Lorelai added. Rory rolled her eyes, blowing on her coffee. "Right there," Lorelai continued, pointing outside. "Right in front of the diner."

"That's great, Mom." The sentiment was genuine, but it came out kind of sarcastically.

"What's great?" Luke asked, bringing out their omelets and hash browns. "The bacon will take another minute or two, but that's coming."

"Oh, nothing," Lorelai said dreamily, picking an errant hash brown off her omelet and popping it in her mouth. "We were just talking about boys."

"Any boys in particular?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lorelai smiled. "Nope."

Luke shook his head and went to check on the bacon, but he didn't look annoyed. The minute Lorelai walked in he had just relaxed. Despite the early hour Rory was feeling pretty good herself, until Lorelai decided to bring up a new topic.

"So, speaking of boys. How was your dinner with Jess?" They had gone a whole week without really mentioning it, but Rory should have known it would come up sooner or later.

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Rory asked. "We're going to be in the car for days. Let's just talk about it later."

That was not the answer Lorelai was looking for. "What's wrong with right now? What happened when the two of you were at dinner?"

"Nothing," Rory said with a shrug. "That's the point. Nothing happened. We didn't talk about anything."

"I thought that's why you went to dinner with him, Rory." Lorelai didn't sound disappointed, exactly, but she didn't sound thrilled either. "To figure things out."

"Don't worry about it," Rory said. "There's nothing to figure out. It wasn't even worth talking about at dinner. There is nothing going on with the two of us." Maybe if she was feeling bold later she would tell her about almost kissing him, but Lorelai had been irritating her a little bit with her insistence on pushing the Jess issue.

"I'm not worried," Lorelai said. "I just want you to be happy." Rory wanted to retort that bugging her about Jess was not the way to make her happy, but she held her tongue. It was nice that her mom was concerned.

"I'm…" Rory trailed off. She wasn't happy, not really. Whenever she wasn't thinking about how much she missed Logan she was thinking about how confused she was about what was going on with Jess. "I'm good. I swear."

"Well, as long as you're good," Lorelai said, polishing off her omelet. She was the only person Rory knew who could hold a conversation while eating an entire omelet with a side of hash browns. "Hey Luke, let's get that bacon to go! We've got a big day ahead of us."

"The car's going to smell like bacon now," Rory complained, hurrying to finish her food before Lorelai dragged her out still clinging to her plate. "We're never going to get that smell out."

"What could smell better than fried pork?"

"Leftover bacon grease in a closed car during the summer?" Luke asked, handing Lorelai a takeout bag. "Anything would smell better than that."

"You better be nice to me," Lorelai said, getting up to pour a couple to-go cups of coffee. "Or I might not come back."

"Oh, I think you'll come back," Luke said, taking their empty plates back to the kitchen.

"Why, would you like that?" Lorelai asked, putting a few more donuts in a bag to take with them. At least they would have snacks for the road.

"Okay, I think it's time to go," Rory said, picking up the bag of bacon before Lorelai and Luke could get too gross. Rory wasn't exceptionally prudish or anything but it was a little discomfiting to see her mom flirting, especially so early in the morning. She hadn't really processed the caffeine in her coffee yet. To their credit, Luke and Lorelai didn't kiss in front of here. Lorelai batted her eyelashes at him one more time and she and Rory headed out to the car, Stars Hollow completely quiet around them. As they drove out of town Rory wondered if it would be any different when they got home. She always felt like home was just a little bit different after a long trip. Getting on the highway, Rory realized that maybe it was her that was different instead.


	9. We Won't Know, I Don't Know

A/N: I suspect the formatting on this chapter will be an absolute mess. If anyone has any ideas on how to format things for chapters similar to this, please let me know! I don't want things to get confusing.

* * *

Lorelai had designated Coney Island in Brooklyn as their first stop on The Great 2007 roller coaster Road Trip, but she could never resist going into the city if they were in the area. No matter how many times Rory went to New York City she was always blown away by the energy there. It reminded her of school during finals season. Everyone had somewhere to go and they wanted to get there as quickly as possible, because at any given moment they had a dozen more important things to do than wait around. Rory never felt like she could keep up, but that was fine with her. Sometimes it was exciting to get caught up in the fray.

Walking around the city started taking its toll after a few hours, though. Rory needed a break, and she knew just where to go. While Lorelai went off to look at clothes she would probably never be able to afford Rory headed to one of her favorite places on earth. The smell hit her the second she opened the door and she sighed contentedly, the stress of the city melting away. With miles of bookshelves filled with everything anyone could possibly want to read, Strand was well worth coming into the city for.

Even with the promise of finding a great book every ten feet or so, Rory pulled out her phone and snapped a picture first. Within two minutes Jess had received the picture and responded.

_Strand?_

**Have you been here? This place is amazing!**

_A time or two. I used to live in New York, remember?_

Rory blushed. Of course Jess had been here. He'd probably been there dozens of times. Certainly more than Rory had ever been there. **Right, I forgot for a minute.**

_You visited me in New York before_.

That she had. That was the first potentially reckless thing Rory had ever really done. It was the first time she had ever skipped school, and the first time she had ever truly disappointed her mother. It still filled her with shame to think about how she missed her mom's graduation, but she had good memories from that day, too. When she was with Jess she wasn't worried about getting caught skipping school or anything. She'd just had fun. It was cool to see the city through Jess' eyes for a little while. When they were walking around the city had felt like the place she was supposed to be that day. **I remember**, Rory typed back. **That was a while ago.**

_It was. So should I come track you down in New York now?_

Rory frowned. What was that supposed to mean? **Why? **she asked. Was he in the city or something?

_You came to see me because I didn't say goodbye when I left. So am I supposed to go find you now? You didn't say goodbye at the train station._

Rory remembered the end of her New York trip vividly now. She was already sitting on the bus when Jess asked her why she came to see him and she said it was because he didn't say goodbye. She hadn't honestly expected him to notice that she hadn't said goodbye at the train station. After realizing her mistake for the first time when she left she had forgotten about it herself. **I'm sorry. **She wasn't sure if she should apologize or not, but she wasn't sure what else to say.

_Don't worry about it. I took off kind of quickly._

**Well you didn't want to miss your train.**

_So are you on your big trip now? What's first on the list?_

**Yup. We left this morning. We're going to Coney Island first.**

_Makes sense since you're right there._

**We're headed to Six Flags in New Jersey next. I think Ohio is after that.**

_Isn't there a theme park in Connecticut?_

**Lake Compounce. We're saving that for the way home. It was originally supposed to be our first stop, but Mom missed her exit so we went to New York instead. **

Rory waited for a response, but none came. He must have gotten busy with something because a lot of the time when they both had time to have a conversation the texts were pretty rapid fire. Five minutes passed while Rory browsed through the books, then ten. It didn't take long to get lost in the huge selection. Rory was happily thumbing through a JD Saligner edition that she didn't have when she was startled by her vibrating phone. She had actually forgotten that she had been in the middle of a conversation with Jess.

_So how are things with you?_

**Good. I found an edition of Franny and Zooey that I've never seen before.**

_Good score. So things are good?_

**They're good.**

_That's good._

Rory stuck her phone back in her pocket and continued her browsing. That was hardly a conversation. She didn't even really have a response to his last message. She liked talking to Jess, but it wasn't often that she was in her favorite bookstore and she knew her mom would show up before long to drag her away. She didn't want to use up all her book time talking in circles about nothing. If Jess had something to actually say then she would text him back.

She didn't hear back from Jess until later that night. She was already lying in bed at a motel near Coney Island, flipping through the cable channels while Lorelai took a shower. Coney Island had been fun, but she was exhausted. She wished they would've waited to go until tomorrow. After waking up so early she could feel herself starting to drag approximately ten minutes into waiting to ride the Cyclone. It had been a great roller coaster, but waiting in line for an hour seemed excessive after not getting much sleep the night before. As Rory landed on the fifteenth channel in a row playing commercials, her phone vibrated on the nightstand.

_How was Coney Island?_

**It was fun.**

_That's good._

Rory rolled her eyes. She was not going to go back and forth with a stream of "good" "good" again.** So what's been going on with you? **she asked, figuring she would change the topic. The answer came back almost immediately.

_Nothing. I was just thinking about you._

Rory shivered a little bit reading his text. She liked that he was thinking about her, but it scared her a little bit too. She didn't want him to like her or be thinking about her. It would make things too complicated. **About what? **she typed back slowly, simultaneously excited for and afraid of the answer.

_I don't know. I'm working at the bar but it's dead tonight because it's always dead on Sunday nights. We've still got that weird beer Paris liked on tap and I saw it and it reminded me of you._

In the bathroom the shower shut off and Lorelai poked her head out the door. "Why are you watching Legally Blonde?" she asked, wrinkling her nose at the TV. "You've got about two minutes to find something better or I'm in control of the remote for the rest of the trip."

Rory tried to ignore her phone and began flipping through the channels again, but she still hadn't found anything good when Jess texted her again. Leaving it on some cooking show, she held her breath and opened the message.

_I miss you. _

Lorelai came out of the bathroom then and groaned at Rory's TV selection, but Rory barely noticed when she grabbed the remote off the bed. She felt like her fingers were made of lead as she typed a response to Jess. **I miss you too. **With that, she turned her phone off completely and put it on the charger. She couldn't deal with any more of this tonight. What she needed was a lot of sleep and a few hours free of thinking about Jess. Because she did miss him, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do about it.


	10. Too Much Of Anything Is Too Much

A/N: I did not anticipate making it to chapter 10 so quickly! I can't stay away from these two. Not having a job (unfortunately) helps.

* * *

Much like backpacking in Europe, driving around the United States to ride roller coasters quickly turned into a blur. After being gone for a week and a half, only bits and pieces stuck out in Rory's mind. Screaming on the Dragster in Ohio, trying not to be sick on the Tilt-A-Whirl at a state fair after eating three corndogs, trying to pick out appropriate souvenirs for her grandparents in New Jersey. Lorelai had optimistically planned for being gone a month, but even though neither of them wanted to admit it both Rory and Lorelai were dragging a little bit after their sixth stop. It wasn't like they were in Europe when there were all kinds of things to do. When you took a trip to ride roller coasters, it really was just riding roller coasters. It was fun and spending time with her mom was great, but Rory could only take so much.

Being away from home made her a little bit antsy, too. Every day that they weren't home was another day that she wasn't checking the mail or her email. Lorelai had declared the trip to be laptop-free which was great for living in the moment, but not so great for finding out about potential job offers. Rory tried to keep her phone on her at all times and so far no one had called about a job, but she didn't like not having all her bases covered. What if someone had emailed about a job an hour after they left and had wanted a response by the end of the week? That deadline would have passed without Rory even seeing the offer. Of course it was unlikely, but the thought crossed Rory's mind a few times.

Even though she tried not to think about him, Logan was on Rory's mind a lot too. She still hadn't heard from him and she didn't necessarily want to reach out to him either, but she did want to know what was going on with him. Was he living out in California yet? Was his job going well? Was he happy without her? Rory figured that he probably wasn't since he had wanted to marry her, but she couldn't help but picture him out in California, happy as a clam with his fantastic new job. Even though it was just her imagination, it stung. As someone she cared about she wanted him to be happy, but the thought that he could be happy without her made her sad. She was okay most days, but once night rolled around and she was alone in bed she certainly didn't feel happy without him.

Talking to Jess usually made her feel happy, but he had backed off a bit since he had told her that he missed her. After saying she missed him too she expected to wake up to some sort of reply, but her phone had been frustratingly free of messages. Jess had never been one to really share his feelings (although he was certainly better at it now than he was in high school) so she hadn't been expecting some sort of grand message or anything, but when Jess texted her later that day it had just been about a customer at the diner. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. She wanted to ask him what was going on, but she thought it would probably be better if she didn't. If he wanted to talk about things that were simple and uncomplicated then she would go along with it.

Simple and uncomplicated sounded pretty good, actually. When Lorelai had proposed a search for the best roller coasters in America Rory had pictured some sort of circuitous route that took them all through the country. That was not the case. As it turned out, a lot of the best roller coasters (according to the internet) were located on the East coast, with a couple in Ohio and Indiana. After New Jersey they had headed to Ohio and then jumped over to Indiana which had made sense in the moment, but after Indiana they headed down to North Carolina. Rory suspected they were spending a lot more on gas than was necessary. She slept in the car a lot. After a day visiting some of the best parks Virginia had to offer, Rory woke up somewhere around Maryland. It looked a lot like Virginia. "Where are we going now?" she asked.

"I was thinking home," Lorelai said. "We can still go to Lake Compounce, but all that was left on our list was that place in Massachusetts. And the one in Texas, but that's sort of out of the way."

"Very out of the way," Rory agreed. "It's funny. It seemed like it would take a lot longer on paper." She had anticipated being gone for up to a month, but they really had done everything they wanted to do. Their research had taken them longer than the trip had. In addition to finding the best coasters they had also looked up the best taco/burger/Chinese food places in each city, along with the hotels that offered the best movie channels. Their lists had been a great help, but ultimately it just wasn't as much to do as they had thought.

"We can still go to Massachusetts if you want," Lorelai said. "But…"

"But?"

"I kind of want to go home, don't you?"

Rory looked out the window, watching Maryland passing them by. Soon they would be in Pennsylvania, but visiting Jess didn't seem like an option with her mom there. "Yeah. I miss being at home."

"Luke's coffee," Lorelai said, looking sadly at an empty Starbucks cup from their last caffeine stop.

"Checking the mail," Rory said, wondering for the hundredth time if anyone was interested in giving her a job.

"Luke's fries," Lorelai added, wrinkling her nose at the McDonald's bag they had been sticking trash in all week.

"Checking my email."

"Luke's burgers."

"Reliable cell phone reception."

"Luke."

"So you are back together!"

"I don't know!" Lorelai exclaimed. "We're still trying to figure things out. We've talked a little but I have no idea what we're going to do. I really wasn't lying when we were at Luke's. We did kiss, but I don't know what happens next."

"I know what you mean," Rory said, before she could really think about what she was saying. Lorelai wasn't about to let that one go.

"What do _you _mean?" she asked, looking at her daughter rather suspiciously.

Rory sighed. She had done a good job not mentioning Jess, but it was going to come out eventually. "When I dropped him off at the train station we almost kissed."

"You almost kissed? How do you almost kiss?"

"Lane asked me the same thing. It's just like it could happen, but then it doesn't."

"That doesn't make any sense. By that logic I'm almost kissing anyone I'm talking to. You can't almost kiss someone. You either do or you don't."

"Okay, we didn't."

"So you didn't kiss."

"No. But we almost did."

"Rory!"

"He gave me a hug and his face was pretty close to mine."

"Wow, that's pretty bold. Did you call for backup?"

"Mom," Rory said with a groan. "This is serious."

"Rory, you know I love and am always on your side, but this doesn't seem like as big of a deal as you think it is. He hugged you goodbye. Friends do that."

"I thought you said he liked me," Rory pointed out.

"I still think he does, but I also think there's a chance that he picked up on your vibes and backed off." That made sense. When they went out to dinner Rory was trying to keep things as unromantic as possible.

"He told me he missed me."

"Sookie's told me that four times since we've been gone."

"I honestly do not understand you. You said you thought Jess liked me and that we should talk about it so we were on the same page and now you think he was just being friendly."

"I think he was following your lead," Lorelai said. "You're an adult now, Rory. What you do or don't do with Jess is your own business. But I don't think that overanalyzing every interaction you have with him is going to help you figure things out."

Rory turned to look out the window, not saying anything. She shouldn't have brought up Jess at all. A sign on the side of the highway announced that Philadelphia was 120 miles away. They could be there in less than three hours. "How about we go to Philadelphia, then? We could be there by 4 and I can figure things out."

"You want to surprise Jess in Philadelphia? How is that going to help you figure things out?"

"I don't know," Rory admitted. So far seeing him face to face had not helped to clear anything up. "But it's worth a shot, right?"

"And what am I supposed to do while you're hanging out with Jess?"

"Do what everyone in Philadelphia does. Get a cheesesteak."

"Half an hour," Lorelai said, relenting. "I'd like to get home before 2am."

"I'll be quick," Rory promised, not at all sure what she was going to do when she saw Jess. At least she had some sort of plan in place, and she had a couple of hours to figure it out. **Are you around? **she texted Jess, hoping that he wasn't working all day. **We'll be to Philadelphia in like two hours.**


	11. Too Much Love Can Be Too Much

"You hear about that new roller coaster they built around the corner?"

"We're actually on our way home," Rory said, feeling a bit apprehensive in Jess' physical presence. They were just standing around the bookstore which wasn't a particularly high-pressure situation, but Rory didn't always deal well with spur of the moment things. Especially when they involved people that she possibly had feelings for. "My mom wants to get back on the road soon so I have approximately the time it takes her to order and eat a cheesesteak at that place down the street."

Jess nodded. "They're pretty fast there. And I've seen your mom eat."

"She said I've got half an hour," Rory said, tugging an errant string off the hem of her t-shirt.

"To do what?"

There it was. What had she come to do, exactly? She'd spent the last two hours trying to figure out what it was that she wanted to say to Jess, but she hadn't come up with anything that seemed meaningful or important. "Just to say hi."

"Well, hi."

"Hi."

"How was your trip?" Jess asked, pulling two sodas out from a mini fridge hidden under the checkout counter. "I figured you'd be gone longer."

"I think we all did," Rory said. "It was a lot of fun, but my mom and I both just want to be home. I didn't bring my laptop so I have no idea if anyone has emailed me about a job and my mom and Luke seem like they're getting back together so I think she wants to get back to that. This was supposed to be like our last big trip, but we've both got more important things going on than roller coasters."

"Spoken like a true adult," Jess said.

Sometimes Rory didn't want to be a true adult. She wanted to be able to really disengage and enjoy riding roller coasters for weeks on end, not worry about possible job opportunities or her relationships with people. She thought she could, but it just wasn't possible. "I guess so," Rory said. "I'm kind of anxious about actually getting home, though. I know it's only been a couple weeks since I sent out my resumes, but I really just want to know now if I'm going to have a job soon or not." She wasn't sure what she was more afraid of: an empty inbox with no job offers or a job offer for a paper that was far away.

"You'll get a job," Jess said easily. "Maybe not right away, but you'll get one. You got that offer from the Providence paper, so at least you know that you're capable of getting one."

Rory hadn't thought about it like that. The Providence Journal Bulletin interview seemed like it was years ago already. Had she really been offered a writing job and then turned it down? At the time it had seemed like she could've really been in the running for the Reston Fellowship, so she was sure it was the right thing to do. Now she was kicking herself. At least Jess had put a positive spin on the situation. If one paper wanted her, then another paper probably would too. "I didn't think about it that way."

"Surprising, since you usually think things to death," Jess joked. Rory tried to pretend to pout, but it came off more like a grimace. A lot of her thinking lately had to do with Jess and what exactly was going on there.

"I guess I do," Rory agreed slowly. "I've had a lot on my mind lately."

"Logan?" Jess guessed.

Rory nodded. "Logan, sometimes. And other people too. Someone else." She hadn't dropped a bombshell or anything, but she had opened up a conversation that she knew she wasn't going to be able to take back once the words were out there.

"Someone else."

"Yeah."

"Anyone I know?"

"Something like that."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

The tension between the two of them was nearly unbearable for Rory. It wasn't always easy for her to open up and talk about things and she didn't know where to go from here. Neither of them were really saying anything, but Rory could tell Jess knew what she meant. The way he was looking at her was unsettling. His dark eyes held a mix of something she couldn't quite read. If Rory had to piece it together, she would've guessed that it was the look of someone who was happy, but knew how impossible things were.

She wanted so badly to tell Jess how she felt about him, but at the same time she felt like she still couldn't. Less than a month ago she had been in a very serious relationship, and probably still would be if Logan hadn't gotten a job out in California. Yes, she was single now and wouldn't be doing anything wrong if she wanted to pursue something with Jess, but she couldn't get that thought out of her head. _I would still be with him,_ she thought. Part of her felt like she was still with Logan. She hadn't wanted them to break up, and every day she woke up with a terrible longing that didn't quite go away even after she reminded herself that things were over between them. She knew that it would be a terrible idea to start a new relationship when she was still so wrapped up in her last one. But she also felt like this might be her last chance.

Jess was right. She would get a job, and then she would be most likely be off in another state. Even though she had assumed she could do a long-distance thing with Logan again, it hadn't been her first choice. She had hated it the first time. Philadelphia wasn't exactly close to Stars Hollow, but it was a lot closer than it would be if she got a job in Chicago or somewhere.

But if Jess was right, then she wouldn't be in Stars Hollow that long. What was she going to do, spend her weekends with Jess for the rest of the summer and then end things? She knew she would never be able to just casually date Jess. They had too much of a history. There was no point in starting something if it couldn't have a future.

The longer they stood there without saying anything, the more Jess' face hardened. It was as if the complexity of the situation was really settling in on him too. Rory was about to apologize for coming by when, for better or worse, they were interrupted.

"They were so fast at that place you told me about," Lorelai announced, walking into the bookstore with a takeout bag in her hand. "I got a sandwich for you too, with extra Cheez Wiz."

"Thanks, Mom," Rory said. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Is it time to get back on the road?"

"I think so," Lorelai said, looking at her watch. "I know it's still early now, but I've gotta go into work in the morning and traffic's going to get worse pretty soon."

"Rush hour," Rory said, nodding later. "Why don't you get the car started then? It probably got hot without the air conditioner on." She looked at her mom pointedly, hoping she would take the hint. It wasn't exactly subtle.

"Yeah, I'll pull it up out front." Lorelai looked back and forth between Rory and Jess, clearly trying to figure out what they had talked about while she was gone. Rory figured her own face probably wasn't giving anything away, since she was just as confused as she was before she had seen Jess.

"So," Jess said after the door closed behind Lorelai. "What do we do?"

Rory shrugged, but the gesture felt meaningless. She didn't know how to put her feelings into words. "I don't know," she said. The words came out as a whisper that caught in her throat.

"How about I text you tomorrow?" It felt like a defeat. The two of them talked nearly every day. Even with all the things they hadn't said today, it wouldn't be any different. Rory knew it, and Jess probably knew it too.

"Okay." She tried to keep her voice from shaking, but it was hard to betray the sheer frustration she felt. She thought seeing Jess would finally clear things up, but once again they hadn't really said anything and they hadn't figured anything out. Because finally she realized they would probably never figure things out, no matter what she said. Rory could have spent an hour detailing every single possible feeling she had for him and they would have still ended up in this exact same spot. It was just too hard. Rory usually liked a challenge, but this felt Sisyphean. When she got home she would have to do some research and find out if Sisyphus ever got crushed by the rock he had been made to push uphill. Walking out the door and away from Jess, she certainly felt like a boulder had run her over.

* * *

A/N: F, guys. I did not mean for this chapter to be such an angstfest. Why can't they just be happy?


	12. We Had Too Much Time, Too Much Us

Jess did text her the next morning. His "good morning" text was the only one Rory got from him all day. He even missed his usual goodnight message. She tried to chalk it up to him being busy, but she couldn't help but think that she had made things worse the day before at the bookstore. Completely out of other ideas, Rory decided to just let things be. It was more than likely that he'd just had to work all day, but in the event that he didn't want to talk to her she wasn't going to push the issue.

The limited contact continued for a few days, and then a week, and then two. One morning Rory woke up and was shocked to find out that it was already the second week of June. In an attempt to think about Jess and Logan less, she had set out to organize the entire house (except Lorelai's room, which was declared off-limits). The annual Stars Hollow garage sale was usually in the fall, but had been rescheduled for the end of June when Taylor realized there was a full month free of town activity before the Fourth of July. Rory had been ruthless in her pursuit to find things to donate. Thankfully Lorelai had not offered to organize the sale as she had once in the past, so slowly but surely Rory's room was pared down to an entirely manageable menagerie of stuff. Any clothes that she hadn't worn since high school were immediately added to the donation box, along with leftover school supplies and odds and ends that she assumed Lorelai had been stashing in her room while she was at school. She didn't remember ever having a set of porcelain dolls or cross-stitching kit. It was exhausting sorting through everything, but it was cathartic.

There were moments that were less fun, though. A journey into her closet unearthed the rocket Logan had given her. She remembered promptly shoving it in the back of her closet when she unpacked at the beginning of summer, but was surprised that she had actually forgotten about it. The rocket went into the donation pile, but it was a definite set-back emotionally. Rory had been feeling a lot better lately with a project to occupy her time, but the rocket had been a representation of all the good things she'd had with Logan. It made her nostalgic, and then a little bitter. Before he left for London he was willing to wait 40 years alone in space for her, but he wasn't willing to wait a day out in California.

Once Rory finished cleaning, she wasn't sure what else she should do. Lorelai was at work all day and she could've tagged along and pitched in around the inn, but she could only spend so many days filing receipts and trying to track down packages. Andrew hadn't needed any help at the Stars Hollow bookstore and even Rory could only look around a tiny bookstore so often. She tried to spend as much time as she could at Luke's to chat with Lane when things got slow, but even though he was dating her mom Luke didn't care for his employees sitting around and drinking coffee on the clock. Rory loved Stars Hollow, but it felt smaller than ever when she was there with nothing to do every day. In high school he'd always had extra summer classes to take, or volunteer things to do to punch up her college applications. Since graduating high school she'd spent two summers in Europe and three others working in some capacity. Now she was jobless and her resume were already sent out, so any resume-building activities weren't immediately necessary. It was fun to lounge around at first, but the rest of summer seemed endless.

For all she knew, it would be endless. If she had gone on to grad school she would be guaranteed to be busy in the fall, but waiting on a job could take months. It could be Christmas before she found something. The idea of five or six more months of sitting around was enough to make her crazy. She didn't like having that much unscheduled time. It didn't help that she didn't have a lot of money. She couldn't spontaneously take off on a road trip or join Lucy and Olivia in the city for a wild weekend of artist-style fun. At the start of summer she had contemplated going down to Philadelphia for a long weekend to catch up with Jess, but that was before she had actually seen him in Philadelphia. It didn't feel like a viable option anymore.

After dropping off the last box of sale items at Miss Patty's, Rory collapsed on her bed. Her room was almost immaculate, but it felt a little empty. She had taken down the Yale display on the wall, which had been up since high school. Before then it had been a display for Harvard. Now it just seemed silly to have a bunch of college paraphernalia up on here wall. The wall was bare now, waiting for some other sort of decorating inspiration to strike. With any luck, she wouldn't be living there long enough to feel the need to redecorate.

The clock on her nightstand said it was only just after one in the afternoon, but Rory was tempted to take a nap anyway. Naps could kill a couple of hours on a good day. However, they also meant she was up later. The night hours were harder to fill than the afternoon ones. Lorelai wouldn't be home from work for several hours, and she had seen Lane in the diner when she drove past so hanging out with her wasn't an option. She debated sending an email to Paris, but Paris wasn't the type to appreciate getting chatty emails while she was on vacation. It would mostly likely sit unread in her inbox until school started up again in the fall. So even though she had been doing a good job of keeping her distance, she texted Jess.

**Cleaning is exhausting.**

She wasn't expecting a reply at all, much less a quick one, but her phone vibrated before she even had the chance to set it back on her nightstand. _That's why I don't do it. I never pegged you as the Martha type._

**Worshipping Martha is a Gilmore rule, at least for the Stars Hollow delegates. I was sorting through things for the town yard sale.**

_Is there a second bridge that needs fixing?_

**I think the money is for the library this time.**

_Sounds right up your alley. Did you just give away everything?_

**Not everything. I kept all my books.**

_You wouldn't donate your books even for the library?_

**Nope**, Rory typed with a smile. **I love the library but I need them all.**

_What are you going to do if you have to move really far for work? That's a lot of books to take with you._

****That was actually something she hadn't thought about. She had been so busy unpacking and then sorting through things that she hadn't even wanted to think about packing it all up again to move. **I'll just take a few with me every time I come home. **

_You'd better hope you don't move too far away then so you can go home a lot. That would take a lot of trips. _

**I might not be moving at all. I haven't heard from a single paper yet. At least, not about a job. A couple emailed to say they had received my resume and would keep it on file. But that was like four papers out of dozens.**

As she sent the message it occurred to her that she hadn't actually checked her email yet that day. She had been fairly diligent about checking it as soon as she woke up, but she had gone to Luke's with her mom for breakfast so it had slipped her mind. To her complete surprise, there was an email from a paper in her inbox, and not just from the subscription department at the Times or the Stars Hollow Gazette.

She felt a huge sense of trepidation as she opened it. Her hand was actually shaking as she tried to use her track pad. She didn't even read the subject line, she was so nervous. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she hadn't heard back from this paper yet so there was a chance that the email was offering good news.

As she read the email her breath caught in her throat. They wanted her to set up a phone interview. According to the email they had been impressed with her writing and they were looking for a junior copywriter in their features department, which had been Rory's preferred beat at Yale. If she got the job, it would almost be too good to be true. She replied to the email right away, saying she was free for a phone interview tomorrow. She was technically for the rest of the day, but she wanted some time to prepare. Even though she had done some cursory research on ever paper she sent a resume to, she wanted to be a little more in-depth.

Jess had texted her back while she was reading the email, but she started a new text instead.** I've got a phone interview for a paper tomorrow.**

_I told you you'd get a job. Which paper?_

**I don't want to jinx anything**, Rory said. Really, she knew if the interview didn't go well and she had talked about it a lot then her disappointment would be much more profound. She had learned that with the Reston Fellowship. She didn't need her grandparents buying any more condos in different cities because she had a shot at something. **Maybe I'll tell you if it goes well.**

_You get a pass this time, but I want to know either way. Why is it a phone interview? Is the paper far?_

If she wasn't going to tell him what paper the interview was for, she certainly wasn't going to give him clues. Rory wouldn't put it past Jess to figure it out. **It depends on your definition of far. It's more convenient, I think. **

_Convenient like your commute to the paper from Stars Hollow or convenient because you would have to fly there?_

**I'm not telling! If I get the job then I will tell you.**

_Or if you tank it?_

**Be nice!**

_I was kidding. You'll do fine. _

******Just fine?**

_You'll be amazing._

Rory hadn't expected that. Jess had certainly never called her amazing before. **Thank you.**

_I've got the diner shift at the diner so I've got some stuff to take care of at the bookstore before I leave. Good luck. Seriously though, you don't need it. _

That was the first real conversation they'd had in weeks. Rory wasn't sure why she had been avoiding talking to him, because whenever they talked it was always the same. Comfortable. Reassuring. No matter if they were friends or more than friends, she could count on him to make her feel better. Just talking to him when she found out about the interview had a calming effect on her. Her anxiousness had dropped considerably when she told him about the interview. She just hoped that it wouldn't come back full force when she told him which paper she was interviewing for.

* * *

A/N: I'm not gonna lie, a lot of the time when I leave off on a cliff-hanger it's because I have no idea what's going to come next. But I've actually planned this one out! At least, I know what paper she's interviewing for. Her and Jess' relationship is still painfully up in the air. Why do they actually have to act like mature adults?


	13. Like Tomorrow Was Promised

As Jess had predicted, the interview went well. At least, Rory thought it went well. For as nervous as she had been she thought she had kept her cool pretty well. The interview had been relatively short, which she hoped meant she had made a pretty good first impression. Her interviewer had recorded their call so that other editors at the paper could listen to it and make a decision. Her interviewer had promised to call her back by Friday. It was only Tuesday.

Rory could've kicked herself for cleaning the whole house the week before. Entertaining herself until Friday was nearly impossible. She almost considered taking up running, because her hatred of exercise would certainly distract her for a while. As an added bonus it would be exhausting and she could kill some time sleeping. Unfortunately (though it was probably for the best) Rory discovered that neither she nor her mother actually owned a pair of running shoes. Lorelai tried to take her mind off of the interview, but she could only go so long without mentioning it or bugging her for more information. On Thursday she left work at lunch time so they could go see a couple of movies, which helped for quite a few hours, since Lorelai complained about both movies long after they were over.

"Don't you think Katherine Heigl should've been in Hostel, too?" she asked the next morning over breakfast at Luke's. "I think she would've deserved it after making us watch Knocked Up."

"Mom, Katherine Heigl didn't make us watch Knocked Up. And you've never liked a Katherine Heigl movie, so why would that one be any different?" Even though it was only 8 in the morning Rory had already checked her phone half a dozen times to see if she had somehow missed a call from the paper. She hadn't.

"Give that thing a rest, will you?" Lorelai used her fork to nudge the phone to the other side of the table out of Rory's reach. "They will call you soon. And when they do you will hear it, because you've checked the ringer on your phone like four times." She smiled reassuringly at Rory, but she looked a little sad, too. Unlike with Jess, Rory couldn't exactly withhold information about her interview from her mom so she knew what was potentially coming. Any job outside of Stars Hollow was going to make Lorelai a little bit said and unfortunately, the Gazette wasn't hiring. Rory had asked.

"I know, I know," Rory said. "I just hate waiting."

"Well, just think about what you'll say to mom and dad tonight at dinner if you get the job."

Rory hadn't even thought about telling her grandparents about the job. She hadn't talked to them since she got the interview and just figured if she didn't get the job she wouldn't talk about it. There was no sense in bringing down the mood at Friday night dinner bringing up a job she didn't get if it came down to that. "I won't just have to tell them. I haven't told anyone but you about the interview." And Jess, but she hadn't mentioned any of the details to him.

"I told Sookie," Lorelai offered. "And Luke. And I think Michel might have been listening to my conversation with Sookie."

"Please do not let that get around town," Rory said. "I don't even know if I'll get the job. It'll be the Reston all over again."

"Who does Luke talk to? And Sookie has two small children and is six months pregnant. She doesn't get out much."

She had a point. "So how are things with Luke?" Rory asked, hoping a change in subject would take her mind off the job for a little while.

"Things with Luke are good," Lorelai said. This time there was no sadness when she smiled. "We're taking it slow."

"You never came home Wednesday night," Rory pointed out. "You and Luke went out to dinner and then I didn't see you until breakfast. I almost called the police."

"You did not," Lorelai said, rolling her eyes. "I left you a voicemail."

"I wasn't going to file a missing person's report; I was going to have you arrested for abandoning me."

Lorelai looked like she was about to say something smart when Rory's phone rang. For a second they both looked at it with wide eyes, until Rory composed herself to pick it up on the fourth ring. Rory pointed toward the door and Lorelai shook her head vigorously, but Rory didn't want to incur the wrath of Luke. With or without Lorelai he was surprisingly firm on his no cell phone policy.

Rory tried to keep a neutral face when she walked back in a few minutes later. Lorelai looked like she was going to pass out from the anticipation. She was literally sitting on the edge of her chair, bouncing up and down slightly. "Well?"

"I got the job."

Despite how excited Rory was, dinner with her grandparents that night did not start off as well as Rory had hoped. Both she and Lorelai desperately wanted to announce the news, but Richard was on a business call when they got there so they had to wait. Emily was not impressed with how on edge both of the girls were, though Rory didn't want to give anything away. Lorelai kept quiet by drinking martinis. She was on her third by the time Richard finally came downstairs, whereas Rory was stirring her drink so quickly that she thought it might spontaneously carbonate itself.

"Finally you're here," Emily said, exasperated. "The girls seem to be having some sort of collective fit."

"We're not having a fit," Lorelai said, stabbing the olive in her drink with a toothpick. "Rory has some news."

"I got a job," Rory announced. "I had an interview on Wednesday and they called with the news today. I'm going to be a junior copywriter for the features section." Saying the words out loud almost made her euphoric. She couldn't believe that she actually had a real, grown up job. A job that she got by herself and was not courtesy of Mitchum Huntzberger.

It was as if Rory had gotten into Yale all over again. Emily immediately jumped up to hug her, and then headed into the kitchen to tell the maid to scrap dessert and make Twinkies instead. Dinner had a definitely celebratory air. Everyone kept the conversation light and talked about how amazing it was going to be for Rory to be a real reporter. Emily and Richard faltered a little bit when Rory told them where the job was, but they covered quickly. The only real hitch was when Emily asked when the job started. Starting July 1st Rory would no longer live a quick drive away from her grandparents.

It wasn't until she got home that Rory finally texted Jess. She had already told Lane and her other friends, but she left Jess for last. Jess lived so far already that he would be the least affected by the news, but telling him felt the hardest. **I got the call about the job today**, she typed, hoping Jess had his phone on him. She'd had enough anticipation for one day.

Thankfully it only took him a few minutes to text back. _And?_

**I got the job.**

_I knew you would._

**You should start charging people for your psychic services.**

_It would certainly help the whole income thing. People at the bar are horrible tippers._

**I think you could make a lot of money as a psychic.**

_So where's the job?_

Rory knew she couldn't hold out on him forever, but she was nervous about telling him too. Even though she had sent resumes to papers all over the country, she thought she might somehow end up with a job close to home. She had gone to college so close to home, after all. It was hard to think about actually leaving. **Detroit.**

_Detroit, Maine?_

She wondered if there was actually a Detroit in Maine. There probably was. Leave it to Jess to know something like that. **Detroit, Michigan. I am going to be a junior copywriter for the Detroit Free Press. I'll be doing feature stories.**

_That's pretty far._

**About 650 miles.**

_I can't picture you as a Midwesterner. _

**What are Midwesterners like?**

_They say pop and grow corn._

**I don't think I'm going to do either of those things.**

****_So when do you leave?_

******I have to be there by July 1****st****. I start work the 2****nd****.**

_That's only two weeks away._

**I know. I've got a lot to do.**

_Are you driving there?_

**I think I'll have to. I'll have all my stuff. The paper is helping me find an apartment and giving me a moving stipend, so it shouldn't be too bad.**

_Is Philadelphia on the way to Michigan?_

Rory hadn't looked at a map to plan her route yet, but she didn't think Jess actually cared if it was really on the way. **I'm not sure.** She knew that wouldn't be the answer he was looking for, but she didn't know what else to say. She wanted to see him again, but after the last time she didn't know if it was a good idea. In two weeks she would be in a new state and she would have a clean slate. She didn't want another weird encounter with Jess to scribble all over her fresh start. Part of her wanted to give up any possibility of a romantic relationship and just focus on her job. Maybe she would even find someone else in Michigan. She could really have it all with this job. A new career, new friends, a new relationship.

But she didn't want to cut Jess out completely, and another part of her knew that as long as he was in her life things were always going to be a little bit messy. Even though she had known him for years, Jess always managed to throw her for a loop. Rory always felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff with him. She could walk carefully along the edge and be friends with him, but if she slipped (or jumped) they could be something more. It was always there just under the surface whether or not either of them wanted to say it.

_Well, congratulations. _Her phone startled her when it chimed. Though she had gotten used to texting, she still had the tendency to completely forget when she was involved in a conversation.

**Thanks.**

_Are you excited?_

**I'm excited. And scared. **Jess had probably been talking about the job, but Rory was still thinking about the possibility of her and Jess.

_Don't be scared. You'll be great. I've read your writing._

Rory was too caught up in other thoughts to actually think about the job, so she put her phone down. For the last few days she had been so worried about not getting the job and now that it was officially hers, she could go back to focusing on what she was going to do about Jess. She would figure it out by the time she left Stars Hollow, she resolved. In two weeks' time she would tell him—in actual words—what she wanted. She just had to figure it out.

* * *

A/N: I feel like notes should go at the beginning but I'm always worried about spoiling the chapter. I think I was channeling Rory a little bit too much writing this, because her anxiety stressed me out and it took me like three days to write this chapter. Plus I had a lot of shows on MTV to watch (you should all watch Finding Carter if you can. It's very good). Anyway, I know a few reviewers wanted Rory to get a job near Philadelphia, but I really think Rory needs to go off somewhere new and be her own person. Plus I'm from the metro Detroit area so I'm a little biased about the whole thing (shout out to the Detroit Free Press for supplying a lot of articles for various journalism assignments). The job in Michigan was actually the only thing I had planned already coming into this story because even though I didn't want to go the campaign trail route, I wanted her to get away for a while and no one talks about Detroit enough. So that's my little story for this chapter. The next chapter will definitely be more plot development and less me talking at the end, I promise.


	14. It's Starting To Break Me Down

Packing was the absolute worst. No matter how many times she had packed in the past it never seemed to get any easier. She was cursing herself for unpacking everything from her and Paris' apartment, since now she had to pack it all back up again. She spent an entire day going through her books, trying to decide which ones she would take with her initially. It had seemed like a good idea to limit herself to one box of books to start with, but that quickly became a distressingly small amount of books to select. She had well over a hundred books and she wasn't sure how she was only going to pick twenty or so.

Upon realizing she had somehow accumulated four copies of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn over the years she decided to call it quits on packing for the day and think about something equally pressing for a while instead. She was leaving in just a week and despite her solemn vow to herself to figure things out, she had no idea what to do about Jess. She had attempted a pro and con list, but it was nearly impossible to make a pro/con list about an actual human being. It didn't help that the cons were a lot more obvious than the pros. The biggest con was the fact that Philadelphia was nearly 600 miles away from Detroit. It would mean an automatic long-distance relationship, and she had already decided she didn't want to do that again.

That really should have been the end of things. She didn't want a long-distance relationship, so she and Jess simply wouldn't work out. On paper it was simple, but Rory couldn't just leave it at that. She didn't want to give up before she gave them a chance. She knew Lorelai would argue that she had already given him a chance back in high school, but that didn't feel like enough. What if her fear of another long-distance relationship going sour kept her away from something that could be great? It had been hard, but she and Logan had worked through him being in London.

She caught herself seriously considering giving things a shot a few times, but there was a little voice in the back of her head that kept pointing out that unlike with Logan, there would be no end date on a current long-distance relationship. Logan had only been slated to be in London for a year, and he wasn't even there a year in the end. Rory had a job in Detroit. Jess had a job in Philadelphia. And that would be the case for the foreseeable future.

Yes, Rory told herself all this, but she kept coming back to the idea of them together. Part of her was still mourning Logan, but the less rational part of her wanted to move on in a big way. She didn't want to spend her days missing Logan. If she had Jess, those feelings might go away faster. She wasn't sure that was psychologically healthy, but she felt like being impulsive and a little reckless. Since Logan had left she had been hurt anyway. If things didn't work out with Jess, how would that be any different?

Of course, being impulsive hadn't always worked for Rory in the past. Two events came to mind, and neither sleeping with her married ex-boyfriend nor stealing a yacht had worked out in her favor. Both things had caused some seriously monumental fallout, and she didn't need that kind of disruption in the middle of starting a new job. It might feel good in the moment to throw caution to the wind, but how good would it feel in a few months if things didn't work out? She would be far from her family and friends, trying to handle a new job and fresh heartache.

Rory went back and forth like that for days, and nothing had helped her get closer to making a decision. So, after tossing a paperback copy of Huck Finn in her book box, she grabbed a third cup of coffee and her phone. Her heart was absolutely pounding, but this wasn't a decision she could make alone. She could go in circles all day every day by herself trying to figure out what to do about Jess, but she wasn't the only one who would be affected by whatever chose to do. It was a potentially stupid idea, but she was coming to the end of her rope and she was running out of time. Exhaustion, along with copious amounts of caffeine, made her text Jess.

**I like you**, she sent, feeling like she was about to throw up. She wasn't sure if it was from nerves or the extra-strong coffee she was drinking on an empty stomach. If she had thought the conversation through even a little bit she probably would have added to the message, but she left it as it was. She didn't know what she could add to that.

It was almost twenty minutes before Jess texted her back. She had tried to go back to sorting her books but she was sort of afraid she would hyperventilate, pass out, and be buried under a mountain of literature. Rory had moments in the past where she felt almost impossibly bold, but this was not one of those times. She thought back to Logan as she waited, remembering kissing him at her grandparents' vow renewal and asking him why he hadn't asked her out yet. She had never done anything like that in her life and it had been scary, but it had felt really good too. This did not feel quite so good. With Logan they had been in person, so she had gotten an immediate reply. She wasn't even sure Jess had his phone on him.

Jess' reply made her want to laugh, but it also made her want to kick him a little bit. _And? _

**And I don't know what to do about it.**

_I see._

**You usually give me advice when I'm not sure what to do.**

_I've done that before, yes._

**Jess! Work with me here.**

_Is this one of those middle school deals where you give me a note asking if I like you and I have to check yes or no?_

**I never did that in middle school. I didn't really talk to boys in middle school. **She and Lane had giggled about them occasionally, but more often than not they just rolled their eyes about the dumb things they did. She'd had a few crushes, sure, but nothing had ever come of them until she met Dean.

_It's kind of funny that you're doing it now._

**I'm not doing it now. I just drank a lot of coffee and I'm moving to Michigan in five days and this thing has just been hanging over my head for weeks.**

_This thing?_

**You and me, whatever this is.**

_We're friends, right?_

**But you like me, right? **She was 22 years old and asking a boy if he liked her. She felt incredibly childish, but she was going to make herself crazy if she tried to analyze the situation anymore. Rory didn't often feel desperate, but she was certainly feeling it now. And really, she had nothing to lose. She was moving in a week. If the rest of the conversation didn't go well then she could just pretend it never happened and immerse herself in her new job and environment.

_Was that not clear?_

**Not really.**

_I thought I was being pretty obvious. I went to your graduation._

**My graduation that my boyfriend was at.**

_The timing wasn't great, I'll admit._

**So what do I do?**

_You or us?_

**Is there an us? I'm going to be in Michigan. That's not exactly close. We can't really do anything.**

_So why did you ask?_

**I don't know. **

_What's up with you today? You're not usually like this._

**I don't know what to do. Everything is changing. I'm moving to a state I've never even been to where I don't know anyone. I want to know that something can stay the same.**

_So then we don't do anything. If you want something to stay the same._

Rory knew Jess was probably right. Not doing anything would probably be the best. It would be the one constant among all the change. But not doing anything was the thing that was bothering Rory the most. **I can't not do anything. I've never been able to not do anything.**

_That was a lot of negatives. _

**Jess, please.**

_Sometimes you can't do anything. It just is what it is with us._

**You said that before. A long time ago.**

_It's still true. Come on, you don't want to move to Michigan with some guy six states away hanging over your head. You've still got some guy on the other coast hanging over your head._

**I can get over Logan.**

_Of course you can. But you're not yet._

**No, I guess not.**

_It's not a good idea to do anything._

**Does it have to be a good idea?**

_I don't want you to do anything you're going to regret._

**But**. Rory thought for a few minutes about what else to say, but she couldn't come up with anything. She probably sounded like a whiny little kid, but she was just so frustrated. This conversation wasn't really helping anything. It just confirmed what she really already knew. They liked each other but they couldn't do anything about it. It all felt about as futile as trying to pick out her favorite books.

_Don't worry about it._

How could she not worry about it? She hated being in a nebulous, undefined state. Even before she and Logan were actually in a relationship it was clearly stated that they were casually dating. Jess wasn't the type of person to define things, though. He was the one who went with the flow, who generally let things roll off his back and not bother him too much. Rory wished she was more like him. **What are we? **she asked, annoyed with herself for acting so needy.

_We're just us._

Rory flopped back on her bed. For what felt like the hundredth time that conversation, she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to bother him anymore and make him spell things out for her. Like Jess said, it was what it was. They were what they were and Rory knew that unless they were in person, they weren't going to be able to figure things out any further. They were too far apart, and not just geographically.

When Logan had moved to London Rory knew the relationship change would be hard, but they were in a good place when he left. They were living together and in a stable relationship, even after overcoming a lot of challenges. Rory hadn't been in a relationship with Jess since high school, and that hadn't exactly been a model relationship. It would be impossible to start a new adult relationship in different states. If she was going to start a relationship after she truly moved on from Logan, it would have to be with someone she could actually be with. Logically, Rory knew all that. But it didn't make her feel any better.

Despite all the coffee, Rory rolled over and closed her eyes. She felt so drained. The conversation had the opposite effect of the one she wanted and really, she didn't know why she had thought it would go any differently. Despite Jess' plea for Rory to run away with him in college, commitment had never been a huge priority for him. And Rory didn't know anything different. They were who they were. It was what it was.

* * *

A/N: Okay, that was bleak. I'm sorry. And possibly a little bit dead inside.


	15. It's Cold, But I Should've Known

"You haven't been shot yet, have you?"

Rory rolled her eyes. That was how her mom had opened every conversation that they'd had since she moved to Michigan. "What do you think?"

"Hey, I've got Friday night dinner soon. Your grandparents are going to want to know."

"I didn't get shot," Rory said. "I'm more at risk of falling out my window. The air conditioner is broken so I've been pressed up against my screen since I got home from the office."

"Don't sit by your window! A bullet could go right through that screen."

"You know I don't actually live _in _Detroit, right?" Rory had been gone less than a month but she wouldn't put it past her mom to have lost her address already. She had written it down and left it on the fridge, but there was a good chance it was collecting dust somewhere.

"You don't?"

"My apartment is in Dearborn."

"Dearborn! Right, that's exactly what it says on this piece of paper with your address on it that you left for me. I was reading it wrong. Silly me."

"What's the rest of my address, then?"

"6 Dearborn Street, Dearborn?" Lorelai guessed.

"Good try. What if you had to forward my mail to me?"

"I would've Googled the Free Press offices."

"Mom, I cannot get all my mail at work. That's embarrassing and impractical. Her phone beeped, and then beeped again. "I think someone's on the other line. Hang on a second." Rory had never experienced call waiting on this cell phone, but she experimentally pressed the talk button.

"Hello?"

"Rory?"

Those two syllables caused her stomach to drop more than any of the roller coasters she had ridden with her mom. She had been sitting in front of her window, but actually jumped up and started pacing like an anxiety-ridden starlet in a cheesy drama. "Um, I've got someone on the other line. Can you give me a second?" She didn't wait for an answer before switching back to her mom.

"Did you tell whoever is on the other line that you're busy talking to your mother that you moved far away from? Because— "

"Mom, it's Logan," Rory said, cutting her off. "What do I do?"

"Oh, wow. Is this the first time you've heard from him since—"

"Yes, and he's still on the other line so be quicker with the advice!"

"Rory! If he's still on the other line you need to talk to him. I've got to go to dinner anyway. Hey, I'm taking Luke with me. I figured it's time for my parents to re-re-meet him."

"That's great, Mom. I've got to go. Love you," Rory said, pressing the end button. She wasn't sure if that would get rid of Logan, but her phone screen was still lit up. "Are you still there?"

"I'm still here."

"I've never had two people try to talk to me at once so I wasn't sure how this phone worked."

"It seems like you've figured it out." Logan sounded completely relaxed, like this was easy for him. Rory kind of hated him for it. She hadn't talked to him in almost three months and he acted like he was returning a regular call that he had missed.

"Yup."

"So how have you been?"

"Fine," Rory said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. She just sounded irritated instead. "I'm living in Michigan," she offered in an attempt to sound like she was fine with having a friendly conversation.

"I know. I saw you're name in the Free Press."

"You read the Free Press? But you're in California."

"I came across it online. How long have you been there?"

"Three weeks," Rory said. "I haven't even had any real bylines yet. Just little credits for things here and there." Being a junior copywriter was basically the equivalent of writing first drafts of stories that more experience writers would edit, or even completely re-write. She still loved it.

"Three weeks isn't very long. You'll get stories."

"I know." Rory paused, wondering if she should ask him what she had been thinking since she answered the phone. "So… why did you call me?"

"Just to say hi. Like I said, I saw that you were with the Free Press so I figured I'd call and see how things were going with you."

"They're fine."

"You don't seem especially happy to hear from me."

"Logan, you broke up with me and then I didn't hear from you for three months."

"I should've called you sooner, I know."

"No, you don't know," Rory said, suddenly angry. "You dumped me, Logan. In front of dozens of people. In front of my family and friends. And that hurt a lot, and it was really embarrassing. Why bother calling me now?"

Logan sighed. "I'm sorry about that. But you're being a little dramatic, don't you think? No one was paying attention."

"Jess was. He came to congratulate me and he saw the whole thing. So yes, someone was paying attention."

"That guy?" Logan snorted derisively. "What was he even doing there?"

"We were friends and it was a big day for me."

"Was he stalking you or something? First he shows up at your grandma's and then at your graduation. That's a little weird."

"No, he wasn't stalking me. I told him when my graduation was and he stopped by."

"You were talking to him? I never liked that guy."

"Why are we even talking about Jess?" Rory asked. "Why are we talking at all? I've spent my whole summer trying to get over all the pain you caused me and now you just call me out of the blue and want to talk like friends? That's so not happening, Logan."

"Is that why you wouldn't marry me? Because of Jess?"

"That's not why," Rory said. "I told you, I wasn't ready. You were the one who broke up with me, not the other way around."

"Well it's a good thing you had Jess there then, isn't it?"

Rory was about to tell them they were just friends again, but she changed her mind. "I don't owe you any explanations, Logan."

"Were you cheating on me with him?"

Rory laughed bitterly. "No. You should've known that. You know all about cheating on people."

"That's not fair."

"Neither is you accusing me of not marrying you because of Jess! I can have other friends, you know."

"That guy is no good for you."

"'_That guy_' treated me better as his friend than you treated me as your girlfriend sometimes."

"Rory—"

"No," she said. "I'm done." For months she had been wondering what it would be like if Logan tried to get back in contact with her and now she knew. She could safely say she wouldn't be hoping it was him when her phone rang anymore. "I don't think you should call me anymore. Good luck with your business and life out in California. Eat some guacamole for me. But please leave me alone." She hung up before he could say anything.

She felt so disappointed. In the back of her mind she had always imagined Logan reaching out to her and the whole thing going really well. She thought at some point she would be healed enough to maybe be friends with him again. The first part of their conversation had gone shockingly well, but then he had gotten irritatingly jealous. And for what? They were no longer together. The people Rory wanted to be friends with were none of his business. And to ask if she was cheating on him was completely over the line. After everything that had gone on when he cheated on her he should've known that she wouldn't do that. Even when Jess had seemed interested in her she had been very careful to not let anything happen.

Rory tried to take a few calming breaths, but she was too keyed up. She had been so nervous when her conversation with Logan had first started and then she had just gotten angry before her anxiety had fully gone away. Now there was a little bit of sadness in the mix, too. When she wasn't imagining Logan reaching out to her, she was imagining what it would be like to never hear from him. Now she wouldn't have to imagine it, because she had told him not to reach out to here again. She had never pictured herself doing that, but there she was.

The phone call had stirred up a lot of emotions for her, but even though she was annoyed with him she actually felt okay. She didn't feel like crying and she didn't wish he would take everything back like she had in the past. She felt better than she'd had in a long time, though she wasn't sure if she wasn't entirely over Logan. It seemed impossible to get over a relationship that lasted almost three years in three months. Even so, she thought that saying she was might make it true. Hoping she wasn't doing something entirely self-destructive, she opened a new text to send to Jess. **I'm 100% over Logan. What happens now?**


	16. I Made A Few Mistakes, Babe

Waiting for Jess to text back was one of Rory's least favorite things. She had never been good at waiting, especially when she wasn't sure what would happen. When she had told Jess how she felt about him he had pointed out that she wasn't over Logan and it wasn't a good idea to do anything because of that. Logically, now that she was over him things could progress with the two of them. Of course, she was still several hundred miles away. That was the big catch there. But after her conversation with Logan, she felt ready for anything.

Rory tried to make dinner and go about her evening like normal, but she didn't let her phone out of her sight. She actually jumped when she saw the screen light up at one point, but it was just Lane sending a picture of the babies. She was in the middle of doing the dishes when Jess finally texted her back. She nearly broke her foot leaping across the kitchen for a dish towel to wipe her hands on so she could use her phone. When she read the text, she sighed. She should have known Jess wouldn't make things easy for her.

_I don't know. It's complicated._

**Because you live in Pennsylvania and I live in Michigan, I know. But I think we could make things work out long-distance. **He had certainly given her enough time to think about it before texting her back. Things hadn't always been great when she and Logan were long-distance, but she knew it could be easier with Jess. They were in the same time zone, for one.

_It's more than that. I guess I just have to come out and say it. I started seeing someone else._

Rory felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She just deflated. Once she had managed to suck some air back into her lungs she read Jess' text again, but the message was the same. **How long ago?**

_It's only been a few weeks._

**I just told you that I liked you two weeks ago. And I thought you hinted pretty heavily that you liked me too. And you were with someone else. **Typing the facts out hurt more than it helped. **Is that why you gave all that vague "we're just us" stuff? So you didn't have to tell me that you didn't want to be with me?**

_I did want to be with you. But I couldn't be with you. _

**So you just figured you'd date someone else? Wasn't it you at the bookstore last month that asked what we should do? Come on, Jess. It was hard for me to tell you how I felt, especially after what had just happened with Logan. Did that mean nothing to you?**

This wasn't right. It didn't feel right. Jess was supposed to be hers finally. They had struggled so much when they first dated in high school and things had taken a long time to clear up after that. This was supposed to be their chance to get things right as adults. Rory knew it, and she thought Jess did too. He was the one who had always been so passionate about the two of them. She thought about how he showed up at her dorm at Yale and wanted to cry. He had wanted her to run away with him even when she was with someone else and now she was single and practically throwing herself at him (for her, anyway) and he was rejecting her. He had found someone else.

_It meant a lot to me, actually._

**So you started dating someone else? I don't understand. I thought you were going to wait for me to get over Logan. **He hadn't exactly said that, but her being fixated on Logan had been a big factor in nothing happening between them so she had rather naively assumed that. **What happened to change that?**

They had been texting back and forth at a good speed, but Jess' next message took a few minutes to come in. Rory expected some long, drawn out excuse but what he actually said hit her harder than any elaborate story could. _You left._

**What was I supposed to do, not take a great job in my chosen profession?**

_Of course not. You've worked hard for it and you deserve it. I wasn't going to hold you back from that. _

**You wouldn't be holding me back. We could have had a long-distance relationship. **

_Look at Dean. Look at Logan. I didn't want to be them._

Now Rory was just confused. Jess was nothing like Dean and Logan. That's why she liked him. He was just himself. **You aren't like them at all.**

_Dean was married and divorced by the time he was 20 and broke up with you because he couldn't handle the idea of you having other friends who weren't stuck in Stars Hollow. Logan's family made you feel terrible and reconsider everything you were doing at Yale. I didn't want to be some boyfriend trailing around back home._

**So your solution was to find someone else.**

_I wasn't actively looking. It just happened. _

**I can't believe this. **None of this made any sense. Jess had been dating someone for weeks now and he hadn't bothered to say anything? She felt like an idiot for thinking things would work out in her favor. She should have known her good luck was coming to an end. Getting a job like this had seemed too good to be true and in a way, it was. By taking the job she had unknowingly sacrificed her second chance at a relationship that had ended too quickly the first time around. Jess was right. It was what it was with them. A big mess, always.

Rory was tempted to tell Jess just to ditch this other girl. To dump her like he dumped Shane back in high school when Dean broke up with her. But they were adults now. That would just be unnecessarily mean to this girl, whoever she was. Rory couldn't act jealous and possessive, even though she certainly felt that way. She had been so close to having something real with Jess and this other girl had swooped in instead. Rory wondered if they had met at the bookstore. She knew nothing about this girl, but in her mind she was a lot like Rory.

_I'm sorry. _It wasn't enough. Rory still felt a dull ache behind her eyes and a lump in her throat. She didn't think anything he could say would be enough. After her call with Logan earlier she really thought that she had everything worked out. She hadn't expected this. His evasiveness in the past wasn't to give her time to sort out her feelings. It was a lame attempt to avoid telling her the truth.

**Don't worry about it. I should have known things would never work between us after the first time. **It was harsh, probably too harsh, but she didn't know what else to say. **You were gone for so long that I guess I romanticized things. I thought that you had really changed and we would get another chance, but now I just know that it'll never be us. **She didn't know if she really meant it or not, but she wanted him to hurt as badly as she did. Although he already had some other girlfriend. He was probably just fine.

* * *

A/N: Shit, guys. I know it's been a few weeks (I think? Summer's messing with me) but nothing felt right. I think I deleted and restarted this chapter four times. And I can't imagine this particular turn of events will make anyone happy, but it's just not time to wrap things up with a neat happy bow yet. I've been rewatching season 2 to balance this out. Aw, remember when they were all cute and happy? (Actually I just watched Teach Me Tonight so things aren't great right now but at least I know in the show things get better).


	17. So Caught Up In Love

Rory wasn't one to have dramatic outbursts often, but she definitely had it in her. Jess assumed she got it from her mother. He didn't bother texting her back that night. He assumed that no matter what he said he would be brushed off with some text version of an eyeroll. She was probably waiting for a response, but in Jess' mind she had ended the conversation. He figured he would give her a while to cool off.

Jess knew that he had hurt her by finding someone else, but honestly, hurting her seemed kind of inevitable. If they had gotten together they would've been in a long-distance relationship and no matter what Rory said about it, he knew that she had been unhappy with the arrangement when Logan had gone to London. He didn't want her to start off her life in Michigan being unhappy with her relationship. Even if she didn't believe him, he was looking out for her. It couldn't be all about Rory, though. Jess didn't really want to do a long-distance relationship either. To him, living in different states and only communicating over text or the phone was a friendship. They had done the friendship thing.

When Rory and Logan broke up, Jess thought that it was finally his chance again. That they could finally be together. He knew it wasn't right to start something new when she was still grieving her breakup with Logan, though. So he had waited. When she stopped by the bookstore on her way home from her rollercoaster trip he thought that was going to be the start of something, but it wasn't. At the time he had blamed it on Lorelai showing up and ruining the moment, but he had been forced to admit to himself that the timing still wasn't right. He thought that when she was over Logan and ready to start something new, she would reach out to him. He hadn't anticipated her getting a job in Michigan first.

For two people with no real money to speak of, Michigan might as well have been California. It was bad enough when Rory was in Connecticut, but he had family in Stars Hollow so he made it up there a little more often. Michigan was farther and would be a lot more expensive to get to. He didn't want them to be in a long-distance relationship where they never got to see each other. Up until then he thought things could work, but when he said she was moving he kind of just gave up hope. It wasn't going to work out.

Two days after Rory said she had taken the job in Michigan he met a girl at the bookstore. One of the other guys had decided that they should do a summer film festival. Jess figured he meant screening actual movies, but instead he rounded up the best student and independent films he could find. It was a trainwreck from the start. For the first night he had selected a silent film about a serial killer, which was unnecessarily gory and didn't seem to have a plot to speak of. By the time the film ended only three of the twenty people who showed up were still hanging around, and one was the director himself. He looked pretty pleased with the outcome, which was a little concerning. Jess didn't give it much thought, though. One of the people left standing was a girl. Her blonde hair was short and spiky, streaked through with blue and purple. She had a hoop in her nose and her lip, and more ear piercings than Jess felt like counting. She looked like the type of girl Jess would've dated years ago to scare his mom or Luke, but when she looked at him she made him forget about the horrible film he had just watched. Her name was Katy, he reminded him of Rory.

He and Katy probably weren't technically in a relationship. They had been only dating a few weeks and since they both worked full time they didn't see a lot of each other. She was a sweet girl, though. Despite her slightly spiky appearance, she was thoughtful and kind and had an interesting way of looking at things. She was a film student at the University of Pennsylvania and had been working on a short film over the summer that Jess didn't understand at all, but he liked how invested in it she was. Her passion for her work made him think of Rory and her writing, but he tried to push those thoughts away whenever he had them. Katy was someone he could actually be with, and he liked her. And in a lot of ways she was nothing like Rory. She was a lot more outgoing, always wanting to drag Jess to one event or another where everyone seemed to know her and like her. She was also incredibly physically affectionate, which was a little strange since Jess' last girlfriend wasn't much for hand holding and random hugs. It was kind of nice, though. He liked that someone was interested in him and actually wanted to do something about it.

But now Rory wanted to do something about it, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. It almost seemed unfair, in a way. He had tried so hard in the past to get her back and she hadn't been interested and just when he finally conceded that it wasn't going to work out she had finally wanted him back and was mad at him for finding someone else. He didn't think it was his fault that the timing and distance just didn't work out. Yes, he did have feelings for Rory. He wouldn't deny that. But it seemed like time to face the facts and accept that things wouldn't work out between them. Sooner or later Rory would realize it too.

Katy had wanted to go to a midnight showing of some horror movie that night, but after his conversation with Rory he just didn't feel up to it. Luckily Katy wasn't the type to pry (at least not yet), so when he said that he was feeling tired she was cool with rescheduling. She added a little heart to the end of her text which was kind of cute, but Jess wasn't really sure how to feel about it. He did like Katy, but when he rolled over on his bed and closed his eyes it was still Rory he was picturing. It felt like it was always going to be Rory.

* * *

A/N: I hope it wasn't too weird to throw a random Jess chapter in there! I just didn't see a way to explain the situation from Rory's point of view, so there you go.


	18. I Need To Find A Reason

A/N: Whoa, long time now see! Time for honesty hour: I actually completely forgot about this fic for a little while. I got into writing Percy Jackson fic for a little while after rereading the books. But I'm back with a new chapter now. If you're reading this, thanks for being so patient! Writing on a schedule isn't exactly my thing, although now that school's back in session hopefully I'll be in the mindset to write a little more regularly.

* * *

"It's Rory, right?"

Rory nearly choked on her sandwich as she looked up at her new dining companion. She had spent last week running around like a decapitated chicken, trying to settle into her new job. Of course she had met people around the office, but she hardly remembered anyone's names. That was why she was surprised that the guy who sat down across from her remembered hers.

"Yes," she said. "That's me, Rory. You actually remembered my name?" She didn't remember his, but she didn't want to admit to that unless she absolutely had to. Was it John, maybe?

Maybe John laughed. "Well, everyone here is new to you but you're the only one that's new to me so I had a pretty good shot. Plus Rory isn't a name you hear every day."

"It's short for Lorelai," she offered. "It's also my mom's name. And my great grandma's, but she died a few years ago." Rory could've kicked herself for blabbering on so much, but she had a tendency to completely disconnect her brain from her mouth in social situations sometimes. She wanted to make friends here, but she didn't always make a great first impression.

If she was being completely honest with herself, she didn't always make the best first impression with guys. She was 22, but somewhere along the line she had missed the lesson on how to talk to cute members of the opposite sex. And Maybe John was definitely cute, with curly auburn hair and soft brown eyes. Why she suddenly felt shy, she wasn't sure. In class she was perfectly fine participating in discussions or debates with guys without feeling like a complete idiot, but this felt different. Maybe it was because Maybe John had initiated a conversation with her completely out of nowhere, or maybe it was because she was halfway through a sandwich that had way too much mayo on it which meant she couldn't keep eating without the fear of wearing aioli for the rest of the day.

Maybe John didn't seem to notice how out of sorts Rory was feeling. "Well, it's a nice name," he said. "You don't remember my name, do you?"

"Is it… John?" Rory asked haltingly. Judging by the playful smile on his face, she assumed she was wrong. "Jack? Jeff?" Why she was so sure his name started with a J she wasn't sure, but she knew someone in the office was named John or Jack or Jeff and she didn't see why it couldn't be this guy.

"Sort of," he said. "I'm Greg."

"How is that 'sort of'?" Rory asked. "I was completely wrong!"

Greg shrugged. "It's four letters long and it's a guy's name."

"So are about a million other names," Rory pointed out, wondering if she should risk another bite of her sandwich. The week before when she was eating at her desk she thought it might be nice to eat lunch with other people, but now she kind of wished she could eat her sandwich in peace. Or at least surreptitiously scrape off some of the excess mayo. "So, what department are you in here?" She thought maybe he was in general news, but she wasn't sure.

"I'm a sportswriter," Greg said. Rory could almost feel her eyes glazing over. Sports were boring. Covering sporting events for the Daily News had been the worst. "I've got to tell you though… can you keep a secret?"

"Sure," Rory said. She didn't know anyone else in Michigan to tell his secrets to.

"Writing about sports is incredibly boring."

Rory appreciated that he was so up front about his feelings. Plus she didn't feel so bad for thinking the same thing. "I had to cover a lot of different things for my school paper and writing about sports was always my least favorite," she admitted. "Well, sports and a ballet I had to review once."

"It's the same thing all the time!" Greg said, nodding in agreement. "There are always two teams and one always wins and one always loses. It gets repetitive after a while. I want to be an editor eventually, though. I just wish working my way up the ladder wasn't so…"

"Boring?" Rory suggested.

"I was going to say tedious because it sounded more professional, but you hit the nail on the head. You're in features, right? That always sounded a lot more interesting."

"It can be," Rory said. "I liked editing a lot, though. I edited our school paper for a semester and it was nice because if I had the time I could snag the events that sounded the most interesting to cover myself."

"Very nice," Greg said. "Where did you go to school?"

"Yale," Rory said, trying to sound modest. She was proud of herself for graduating from Yale, but she hated when people asked her where she went to school because it always sounded like she was bragging even when she wasn't. Big name schools like Yale had that effect.

"Hey, they've got a great paper," he said. "You must be pretty good if they made you editor."

"It was a complicated situation," Rory admitted. "Our previous editor kind of abdicated her position rather abruptly and we were pretty much trying to find a new editor by just voting on staff members."

"But you won," Greg said. "That's something. I've never won anything. Not even a game of kickball."

"I never really understood kickball," Rory said, checking her watch. She only had about ten minutes left before she needed to be back at her desk. "No one ever really wins kickball, do they?"

Greg shook his head. "It's the sport equivalent of a participation ribbon. Hey, I've got to take off here in a minute for a meeting with my editor, but do you maybe want to grab dinner sometime?"

Rory almost inhaled her Diet Coke, which sent her into a coughing fit. All the choking seemed to tip off Greg that she was pretty surprised. "I know you're new around here and I know how it is meeting new people," he said. "I was new here not that long ago, and I wish someone had given me the scoop on the place. There's a really good Greek place not too far from here that you should try out."

Greg looked pretty casual, but Rory was in shock a little bit. She had spent all weekend being upset that Jess had found someone else now that she was finally ready to pursue some kind of relationship with him. Trying to get over Logan had almost immediately been replaced by trying to get over the fact that she wouldn't be with Jess, and now here was a new guy who was possibly interested in her. Part of her wanted to swear off guys for the next decade or so, but what was the harm in having dinner with someone new? If nothing else, she might make a friend.

"That sounds nice," Rory said eventually. "I haven't gotten to explore the city much." She instantly felt dumb, but Greg didn't seem to mind her inane comment. He smiled at her and told her he would email her to set something up after his meeting, and then left her alone with the remainder of her lunch. Even though she had most of her sandwich left, she didn't think she would be able to finish it. She had told herself she would be more social at work, but she hadn't anticipated someone asking her out. Rory didn't know if anything would come out of her date with Greg but he was cute and seemed nice and unlike Jess he was actually interested in her company. It was a start.

* * *

A/N 2: Not gonna lie, I kind of always hated how guys seemed to be falling all over Rory on the show, even her platonic friends (cough Marty cough). If that bothered you too then don't worry, it's not going to happen here.


	19. Like Everything Was Meant To Be Let Go

"—and so then Luke had to mop up a dozen raw eggs off the floor. But not before Paul Anka tracked them into your bedroom. Next time you come home your bed might smell faintly eggy."

"That dog is weird," Rory said, trying to keep her phone propped up with her shoulder so she could keep typing. The phone was making her face feel sweaty which was gross, but she didn't see an upcoming end to her conversation with Lorelai. She had spent nearly a half hour detailing Taylor's preparations for the end of summer festival before diving into a story about a boat trip up the coast that she and Luke were planning. And Rory still hadn't gotten to the part of the conversation that she had called her mom to discuss. "Hey, a guy at work asked me out," she said quickly, before her mom would tell her about Paul Anka's latest neurotic antics.

"Why do you always do that?" Lorelai complained. "You let me ramble on and on about nothing when you actually have news. What guy? Asked you out how?"

"Just a guy I work with. His name is Greg. He works in the sports department. He came in the break room when I was having lunch the other day and we got to talking and he asked if I wanted to go to a Greek restaurant with him this weekend."

"And you said yes? The first time?"

"I did," Rory said, knowing her mom was thinking about a disastrous date Rory had gone on in college. "He seemed nice and I'm not seeing anyone else, so why not? It's one date. And if it doesn't work out, we don't even work in the same department so I probably won't see much of him around the office."

"That's very practical," Lorelai said. "So, is he cute?"

"He's very nice-looking, yes."

"Good butt?"

"Mom, I didn't look at his butt! We were just sitting and eating lunch."

"Well, look at it when you go out this weekend then and let me know."

Rory sighed. "Why do you care about his butt? You get to look at Luke's butt all the time."

"I just want to know that things are going good for you out there."

"Things can be going well for me without other people's butts being involved, you know."

"So…" Lorelai said meaningfully, though Rory had no idea what she was getting at. "What happened with Jess? It kind of seemed like there was something going on there when I saw you guys talking in Philadelphia, and then there was that almost kissing thing that I don't understand at all."

Rory shrugged, even though Lorelai couldn't see her. "Nothing happened. You know that."

"The kind of nothing that's actually something?"

"The kind of nothing that's nothing," Rory said, trying not to sound too exasperated. "I thought maybe something would happen and we talked about it after Logan called last weekend, but Jess has a girlfriend now. So nothing happened and nothing is going to happen."

"And that's why you're going on a date with Greg."

"It has nothing to do with Jess!" Rory said, irritated. "Greg seems nice and I don't know anyone here yet, so this could be a way to make some friends. I don't care if Jess has a girlfriend."

"Can I offer you a piece of advice?"

"Don't order dessert on a first date?"

Lorelai sighed. "No. Don't go out with Greg if you're just using it as a way to somehow get back at Jess for dating someone else."

Rory rolled her eyes. "I'm not. Honestly. Jess can do whatever he wants. I don't care. I haven't talked to him in days anyway and I doubt I will, so he won't even know about this."

"He doesn't have to know about it for you to feel like you're doing it to get back at him," Lorelai said. "You thinking you are is enough."

"God, I don't think that. Why can't you just let me do what I want without passing judgment?" Lorelai was quiet for a minute and Rory instantly felt ashamed. She didn't mean to be rude to her mom. She just didn't want to talk about Jess, or think about him. Rory was ready to move on and make new friends and maybe even date new people. Or stay single. Either way, she was ready to live her life without Jess once and for all. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean that. I just don't want to talk about Jess anymore. He's done with me and I'm done with him. For good."

"Right," Lorelai said, sounding like she didn't believe Rory. Or maybe she was just mad that Rory had been so snippy with her. "I've got to go. I'm meeting Luke at the diner and we're going to a movie. Let me know how your date goes. Love you."

"Love you too," Rory said, hoping her mom hadn't already hung up. She flopped back on her bed, burying her face under a pillow. Going out with Greg to get back at Jess hadn't even really crossed her mind. She just felt like it was a way to help get past Jess. Was that the same thing? Lorelai seemed to think it was, and Lorelai was usually right about these sorts of things. The kicker was that if she was still dealing with getting over Logan and had agreed to go on a date with someone else she would have texted Jess and asked him about it, but now she couldn't. She wasn't friends with Jess anymore, and she wasn't sure she ever would be again. It made her feel lonelier than she had felt since she got to Michigan. Rory felt empty knowing that Jess had given up on her.

As she fell asleep, the thought crossed her mind that maybe Jess had felt the same way about her.


	20. Take It Slow

A/N: Melodrama Gilmore is back! Completely hypothetically, would a time jump to later in the fall be interesting or an obvious and cliched plot device? I'm just asking for a friend...

* * *

By the time the weekend and her date with Greg rolled around, Rory was feeling a lot better. She hadn't heard from Jess all week and her mom had only sent her a few texts since their last terse conversation, but she actually felt human again as she got ready to go out to dinner. The Free Press offices were business casual, so Rory had adopted a uniform of dress pants and nicer tops. She had a whole closet full of skirts and dresses thanks to years of Friday night dinners and it was nice to be able to get dressed up, even though she had no idea what the restaurant they were going to was like.

Picking out one of her favorite dresses had gone well enough, but by the time she went in the bathroom to put her makeup on her nerves were picking up a bit. She dropped her mascara wand twice before she managed to get a good grip on it and even then she blinked too quickly and smeared mascara under her eyes. "Get a grip," she scolded herself, spraying on a little bit of perfume that she hadn't used in months. Greg was cute and everything, but he was just a guy. It was silly to get so worked up over grabbing "welcome to town" dinner with a co-worker, even if it was technically a date.

That technicality was what kept Rory hanging on throughout the evening. The dinner had started off well, but it very quickly became obvious that Rory and Greg had nothing in common. Even though Greg hated writing about sports he loved watching them and had very strong opinions about teams Rory had never even heard of. Worse yet, Greg didn't read. He actually said that he didn't read books. She couldn't even begin to understand how Greg had become a writer without even a little interest in reading. For her reading and writing were intertwined, even when she was writing news and not fiction. She tried her best not to hold Greg's interests and disinterests against him, but it made making conversation difficult. They had covered the very basics in their conversation at lunch the other day, so she couldn't even fall back on talking about her time on the Yale paper.

The real problem was that Rory just didn't have any interest in making conversation with Greg. Yes, he was rather easy on the eyes and a nice person in general, but she just didn't feel a connection with him. She hadn't gone on the date expecting to find her next long-term boyfriend, but it would be fun to feel butterflies for a little while. Greg wasn't even inspiring little moths. The Greek food he had suggested was excellent, but Greg himself was bland. Rory knew that he would be her co-worker and nothing more. When he dropped her off at her apartment at the end of the evening they exchanged a simple friendly hug. Neither of them had discussed getting together again. Rory wouldn't hide if she saw him walking toward her at the office, but she wasn't going to go inside and write a love poem about him either.

Since their evening had ended fairly early, Rory decided to give her mom a call. She wasn't sure if Lorelai had really meant it when she said she wanted to hear about her date, but she had missed talking to her mom over the last few days.

"You're calling early," her mom remarked when she picked up the phone. "Didn't you have a hot date tonight?"

Rory sighed, kicking off her heels. "Let's just say the date wasn't worth the pain my feet are in right now."

"Did you wear those black pumps with the bows? I told you, you have to break them in before you wear them for real," Lorelai said.

"I know, I know. You're always right and I always follow your advice," Rory said. "And even though you were wrong about the date somehow being out of revenge, not going out with Greg would have been a good choice."

"That bad, huh?" Lorelai said sympathetically. "I'm sorry, hon."

"It wasn't really bad, just kind of boring. We didn't have anything in common. He watches sports and has never read Mark Twain."

"So not a match made in heaven, then."

"Not even a match made in Detroit." Rory was quiet for a moment. "I miss how things used to be," she said. "In school. I mean, I don't miss the classes and the ton of homework and I don't even really miss Logan specifically, but I miss having that stability. I was in a relationship and was close to home and there were always French fries in the dining hall. There were so many different kinds of fries and I could eat them every day. The last fries I had were from McDonald's and they weren't even fresh. They were just sad and limp and too salty. I don't know why people even like their fries. They're just too skinny and they always put too much salt on them and even when they're fresh they just taste like grease."

"You were never a McDonald's fan," Lorelai agreed. "I always admired that about you. You wouldn't settle for subpar fast food."

"I miss Luke's fries," Rory said morosely. "I miss Luke's coffee. I just miss Luke. And I miss you."

"I miss you too, sweets."

"It's so stupid, you know?" Rory continued, wiping at her eyes as they started to tear up. "I mean, I got a job at a great paper in a city I'd never been to with a ton of interesting history, but I still keep thinking about home. Like, I'll be checking a story for grammatical issues and be wondering how Lane's babies are doing, or I'll be verifying facts and think about how I'm going to be missing the end of summer madness festival. It's so hard to imagine life going on in Stars Hollow when I'm not there."

Lorelai sighed. "I tried to get Taylor to stop time until you could come home for a visit, but he just didn't go for it."

"Now you're making it sound like I expect life to revolve around me," Rory moaned. "I don't think that."

"No, I was just trying to lighten the mood. Kid, you've got a great thing going out there. Sure, your date was a dud, but there will be many more dates in your future. Some of them might even have nice butts. Don't worry yourself with what's going on out here. Things are fine, and everyone is thinking about you all the time."

"Not everyone," Rory said, wondering if she should continue with her train of thought. "Can I say something you probably won't like?"

"Don't tell me you went blonde. I know Ashlee Simpson did it, but we've discussed that at length over the years and I just don't think you could pull it off."

"I didn't go blonde," Rory said. "And Ashlee Simpson is actually a natural blonde. She dyed her hair dark for a TV show. Almost four years ago."

"Really? I always thought she was just trying to jump on her sister's train with the blonde hair."

"I know. But I didn't want to talk about my hair." Rory tried to think of what she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to get it out. "I miss Jess," she said finally. "I really thought something could happen this time. I thought we could finally figure everything out. I know you never liked him, but he's really changed and I know we could be good together if he gave us a chance."

Lorelai was quiet for so long that Rory actually checked her phone display to see if they had been disconnected. "My feelings for Jess aside, I think you might just have to let things with him go. I know that's not what you want to hear, but he's made his decision. If he didn't think things would work out between the two of you then you have to respect that. One person can't force a relationship between two people to work."

Rory knew her mom was right but she didn't like it. "I know," she said. "But we were so close this time. And then he changed his mind."

"People can't wait forever, Rory. You got a great job and would've been insane not to take the opportunity, even if it is far away. You've both got separate lives and even if you had decided to try something, it would have been very hard to put those two lives together."

"You'll probably hate this, but that's a lot like what Jess said."

"Blech," Lorelai said. "I know you two had this romantic on and off star-crossed lovers thing going on, but everything ends eventually."

"Yeah," Rory said unhappily. "But a lot of things have ended lately. I just want one thing that doesn't end."


	21. Put Your Swords Away

A/N: Let's do the time warp again! It's November now, because life is boring when you live in Michigan and don't have any friends around (trust me on that one). I ran out of lyrics from the last song, so the chapter titles are now from Automatic Loveletter's "August 28th 3:30am". Thank you so much to those of you still following along with me, and an extra thank you to those who leave reviews! This story's been a bit harder to work out logistically, but I think we're getting somewhere.

* * *

For a moment when she was talking to her mom Rory forgot that she did have one thing that wouldn't end: her job. Before long she had fallen into a tried and true routine when it came to work. She became used to going into the office every day and coming home to her own apartment to either heat up leftovers or cobble together some approximation of a meal. Even though she would probably never admit it to Lorelai, she actually liked sitting down with a big salad after a long day of work sometimes. She even took to ordering pizza every Friday night since she didn't have dinner with her grandparents. Normally pizza wouldn't hold a candle to her grandmother's menus, but the deep dish pizza from a local chain called Jet's was infinitely better than some of Emily's more creative dishes. Of course, any food would be better than quail with tequila cactus sauce.

Rory didn't mind leaving Jet's pizza behind when she headed home for Thanksgiving, though. Since Lorelai hadn't seen Rory since the summer she had planned a huge bash at the inn for everyone they liked. Sookie and Lane's families would be there, along with Liz and TJ and Rory's grandparents. Rory had no idea how it would go with all of them together in one room, but she was definitely excited about it. By the time her plane touched down in Hartford on Wednesday evening she could practically smell the turkey roasting already.

"My wayward daughter, home at last!" Lorelai said, practically tackling Rory near the baggage claim. Luke stood off to the side, wisely avoiding the collision path. He smiled and waved and Rory waved back, and then hugged him too.

"Who are you calling 'wayward'?" Rory asked her mom. "I'll have you know eventually I will be a features writer for the Detroit Free Press."

"How long are those losers going to make you do that rookie stuff?" Lorelai asked, taking Rory's bag from her and handing it to Luke, who dutifully took it.

"Until I'm not a rookie anymore," Rory said, wishing there was an actual end date in sight. She loved working for the paper, but she couldn't wait to get some real bylines soon. "It is kind of frustrating," she admitted. "It reminds me of Hell Night at the Daily News, although they don't make me wear a stupid paper hat at the Free Press."

"Well, you could always wear your World's Best Reporter hat that you accidentally left on your bed," Lorelai suggested.

"Right, accidentally," Rory said. "I'll think about it."

After that Rory could hardly get a word in. Lorelai kept up a monologue the entire way home, occasionally asking Luke to chime in, about all the things Rory had missed in her absence. Rory knew about most of the things already, but it was still nice to hear her mom repeat them in person. It hadn't felt right hearing about the birth of Sookie's baby over the phone, or to get texts about town happenings days after the fact. Despite subscribing to the Stars Hollow Gazette, Rory felt very out of the loop in Michigan. She had adjusted over the months and no longer spent all her time feeling lonely, but being back in Connecticut really hammered home how much life changed, and continued to change.

Luke had moved in with Lorelai (again), which wasn't really surprising. Despite their time apart he and Lorelai seemed to move as one unit. Rory was happy that he was back in their lives, though she was a little bummed to not see their relationship play out in front of her. In a way it was good, though. They had the house to themselves and could be all domestic and gooey without nauseating anyone. When Rory walked into the kitchen after putting her things away she caught her mom fluttering her eyelashes at Luke as he poured her a cup of coffee. It was the same thing Rory had been witness to at the diner for years and it filled her with all those ridiculous happy feelings Thanksgiving was supposed to evoke. "Not everything changes," she said under her breath, pouring coffee for herself.

Since dinner would be at the inn, Rory had expected the weekend to be relatively hassle-free in the cooking department. Sookie and Luke would take care of all the food and she and Lorelai could kick back and enjoy a little wine. It was the perfect arrangement, and one Rory had been looking forward to. So when Lorelai interrupted her book sorting to tell her they were going to make a cheesecake from scratch, Rory nearly laughed hard enough to rupture something. It wasn't until Lorelai showed her the cream cheese that she realized her mom was serious. Lorelai had never baked anything in her life so the idea of making a cheesecake seemed almost impossible. Rory could've handled one of the instant no-bake cheesecakes, but constructing a dessert that needed to be baked from the ground up was intimidating. Luckily, there was wine.

"I can't believe you like moscato," Rory said as she crushed graham crackers to make a crust. That part was actually kind of fun, even though they didn't have a rolling pin so she had improvise with the bottom of a coffee mug. "It's so sweet."

"I can't believe you like red wine! Red wine is for pretentious people."

"Even if it comes from a box?" Lorelai nodded. "But you drink red wine at grandma and grandpa's," Rory insisted. "I've never heard you complain."

"Hooch is hooch, Rory. You do not look a gift horse in the mouth when it comes to my parents." Lorelai paused in her mixing. "Who came up with tat saying, anyway?"

"I dunno," Rory said, staring at the butter she was melting in the microwave. It wasn't doing anything. "You can tell how old a horse is by looking at its teeth, so it'd be rude to see how old a horse is if someone gives it to you as a present."

"Like if you're on a blind date and they go to the bathroom so you look at their ID to see how old they really are, because even though they told you they were 30 they're really 42 and look a lot closer to 50," Lorelai suggested.

Rory stared at her with concern. "Did that happen to you?"

"Maybe," Lorelai said, pouring herself more wine. "It was a long time ago. You were too young to appreciate the story back then."

"You know that has nothing to do with gift horses," Rory said. "Who gives someone a horse as a gift, anyway?"

"Rich people."

"Oh, them. Hey, why didn't you get one of those no-bake cheesecakes?" Rory asked, nearly scalding herself on the butter she was adding to her graham cracker crumbs.

Lorelai shook her head. "So the Contessa could jump out of her TV and stab me with a shiv?"

"You think the Barefoot Contessa just walks around with a shiv on her at all times?"

"Hey, you've seen those giant shirts she wears," Lorelai said. "Who knows what she's got under there?"

"I bet Jeffery does," Rory offered.

"Okay, no more wine for you," Lorelai said, pulling the bottle closer to herself. "You've gotten so blue out there in the world."

"Hey, they pay me to be worldly at the Free Press."

"Do they ever call it the Freep? The website is Freep, after all."

"No, no one calls it the Freep," Rory said. "Most people there just call it the paper."

"How presumptuous," Lorelai said. "There are dozens, if not hundreds of other papers in Michigan."

"None that matter."

"There's the egocentric girl I know and love."

Rory grinned, sticking her finger in the cheesecake batter. Was it called batter if it wasn't a cake or brownies? She wasn't sure. Either way, she was definitely on board with liquefied cream cheese mix. "This is going to be good," Rory said, passing the slightly uneven crust to her mom so she could fill it. "I think people will like it."

"We'll just have to cut small slices," Lorelai said. "Besides Sookie and Lane's kids, there are going to be 12 of us."

"Twelve?" Rory asked, doing some quick mental math. "I thought it was 11, since everyone is currently paired up but me."

Lorelai meticulously spooned the cheesecake batter into the pan, not meeting Rory's eye. The kitchen was quiet for a few moments while Lorelai finished off the dessert, taking her time smoothing out the top of it. "Did I not tell you?" she said at last, bending down to put it in the oven. "Jess is coming too."


	22. I'm Already Down

After Lorelai told her that Jess was coming for Thanksgiving, Rory had been very tempted to grab the wine bottle and hide in her room until dinner the next day. With some difficultly, she managed to function like a stable adult for the rest of the evening and retired to her room at a reasonable hour, but she had laid away for hours thinking about what the next day was going to be like. In the end, she likened to her first day at Chilton. She had handled big holidays many times over the years, but this time it was just different enough to set off her warning bells. After finally nodding off, she woke up at seven in the morning and couldn't fall back asleep. She finally dragged herself out of bed when she heard Luke puttering around the kitchen a little while later, hoping he wouldn't notice that her nerves were completely betraying her.

Luke, fortunately, was Luke. He didn't seem to notice anything was off with her when he handed her a cup of coffee, which was good. Rory wasn't even sure what she was feeling about the whole thing and wouldn't have known how to explain it. She hadn't talked to Jess since he told her about his girlfriend, which made this stretch the longest they had gone without talking since they had gotten back in contact a couple of years ago. After her initial hurt at finding out that Jess had a girlfriend wore off, she had thought about texting him practically every day over the last few months. Despite everything they had gone through, or maybe because of it, Jess was one of her best friends and it felt weird to not be able to talk to him when it had been such a big part of her life. She had held her tongue, though. Rory had learned a lot about endings, and had reached the conclusion that like college and living at home, some relationships were just meant to end.

Rory had told herself that instead of texting Jess, over and over again. After a few weeks, she felt like she was making the right decision. Jess deserved to be happy and if he was happy with his life in Philadelphia and his girlfriend then she didn't want to complicate things for him. She had been so focused on accepting the finality of their friendship that she hadn't even considered she might see him again in Stars Hollow. It had never once crossed her mind that Jess might be in town for Thanksgiving, even though his mom and sister would be at dinner. She prided herself on being a reporter with great intuition that could keep on top of things and the most obvious possibility ever hadn't even occurred to her. Rory felt like an idiot. A scared idiot. An embarrassed idiot. Her mom knew everything that had happened with her and Jess, and so did Lane. Even if everyone else was oblivious, having to dodge pointed looks from her mom and best friend all day would be exhausting. She knew that they would be observing everything she did when it came to Jess, which would make talking to him and not talking to him equally awkward.

By the time her mom woke up later in the morning Rory had drunk four cups of coffee and had munched on three Pop-Tarts, even though she knew there would be more food than they could collectively eat at dinner. As Lorelai poured her own coffee she looked at Rory, taking a few seconds to really examine her. Rory pointedly looked down at her own coffee, not wanting to seem the least bit ruffled by this turn of events. Truthfully, she was dying to know when Jess would be getting into town, but she knew if she asked her mom would look at her sympathetically and then Rory would feel sympathetic herself, minus the sym.

After she finished her coffee she took a shower and blow dried her hair carefully, trying to waste time before they had to leave by keeping busy and avoiding her mom. As she put on her eyeliner, she stared in the mirror, willing herself to (wo)man up. _Lorelai Gilmore, you are 23 years old. You are a reporter for a major newspaper and live on your own in Detroit. Well, outside of Detroit. But you work in Detroit, which isn't exactly known for conjuring up warm and fuzzy feelings. Anyway, you're not scared there. And you are not, NOT scared of seeing Jess Mariano. _She nodded firmly after finishing her pep talk, hoping that she could keep her resolve once she actually saw him.

They left for the inn at noon to set up for dinner, even though it wasn't until two. The other guests were supposed to arrive at 1:30, which gave Rory a good hour and a half to convince herself that panicking was entirely unnecessary. Her pep talk had worked, in a way. She realized she wasn't actually scared of seeing Jess, but how she would feel about it. Even with months of not talking and convincing herself that things just wouldn't work out with them, she had to admit that she still had feelings for him. And she really didn't want to do anything stupid, like tell him that. _It's just a crush, _she told herself as she set a knife down at a place setting. _It's just a crush. A crush. A. Crush._ She knew that wasn't true, but it carried her through setting the table. And then the door to the inn opened.

Her heart leaped into her throat as the guests joined her in the dining room. "Rory! You look absolutely lovely," her grandma said, hugging her. "It's just wonderful to see you again."

"We've missed you," Richard said jovially, holding his and Emily's coats in his arms. "We read the Free Press every day looking for your name."

"It'll be a little while before you see my name," Rory said, relaxing a little bit. "I'm still pretty junior. It's kind of exciting though, isn't it?"

"My dear, it's very exciting," Richard said. "You'll have bylines in one of the largest national publications!"

"Someday," Rory agreed, a smile creeping onto her face. She had missed her family horribly in Michigan and had wondered a time or two if moving so far away had been the right choice, but seeing her grandparents' excitement made her sure that she'd made the right decision. She couldn't imagine a better feeling than making them proud. "I can take your coats," she offered. "There's a coat rack in the living room."

"Ah, we must have walked right by it," Richard said, still looking at his granddaughter like she'd hung the moon. "Tell me, will that mother of yours let me slip into the kitchen for a drink?"

"Of course, Grandpa," Rory said. "Sookie and Luke are putting the finishing touches on dinner in the kitchen and Mom is probably sneaking dessert already, so go right on in. I'm sure Mom would make you a drink too, Grandma."

Emily waved her hand. "Oh, why not. It's still early, but we're celebrating today. Our girl is home!"

Rory grinned as she walked into the living room with the coats. Seeing her grandparents for the first time since July had been the best pick-me-up imaginable after the bomb Lorelai had dropped the night before. Unfortunately, the dropped bomb picked that exact moment to explode. Rory hung her grandparent's coats up and turned to go back into the dining room, smacking right into Jess.

"I'm sorry!" she said immediately, not realizing who she bumped into at first. When she did, she could feel herself blushing all the way down to her toes. "Jess," she said lamely. "Hi. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Hi yourself," Jess said back, looking amused. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Nope. Just hanging up some coats for my grandparents. They're here too. You remember my grandparents, right?"

"Your grandma, vividly," Jess said dryly, no doubt thinking about their disastrous dinner at the Gilmore house in high school. "But I met your grandpa at your graduation, remember?"

"Right. You were there then."

"Yes I was."

"Well, the dining room is through there," Rory said, gesturing through the library. "I am just going to go and check on something in the kitchen and then I will be back."

Jess nodded, looking at her strangely. "Is the kitchen not attached to the dining room?"

Rory hadn't really considered that. The kitchen seemed like a safe enough haven where she could furiously gulp down some coffee and collect her thoughts quickly, but it was also not in the opposite direction of Jess. "Yes," Rory said. "Hey, where's your mom and TJ?"

"Dealing with stuff out at the car," Jess said. "Something about Doula's car seat and the side dish Liz made exploding."

Rory hadn't met Liz many times but she had heard enough about her to know that asking questions would be pointless. "How old is Doula?" she asked as they walked toward the dining room, already feeling like she was running out of small talk.

"She just turned one a few days ago," Jess said, smiling slightly. Rory knew how weird it felt having a sibling that was so much younger, but even stone cold Jess had a soft spot for his little sister. "How's Michigan?"

"It snowed already there. It's the lake effect. You know, from the Great Lakes," Rory babbled, relived to see Luke already in the dining room. "Well, I have to check on something in the kitchen. I made a cheesecake yesterday so I have to make sure it's still…" she trailed off, not knowing enough about cheesecake to properly finish the sentence. "Anyway, there's Luke!" She pushed through the swinging kitchen door and debated turning around so it would smack her in the face. She couldn't talk any sense into herself, but maybe a solid piece of oak could.

"Why aren't you in the dining room with everyone else?" Lorelai asked, sticking her finger into a bowl of whipped cream when Sookie wasn't looking.

"Coffee," Rory said, gesturing to the machine as she grabbed a mug. "I figured I should grab a cup before dinner because grandma would yell at me for drinking it at the table," she added, knowing that was a completely reasonable explanation. Lorelai nodded and held the bowl of whipped cream out to her. Rory shook her head, guzzling coffee that burned her throat. "I'll wait for the pie."

"And cheesecake!" Lorelai added gleefully, opening the fridge to check on their creation. It looked perfect. "Hey, take the roll baskets with you on your way back out," she said. "And tell our guests that dinner will be up in ten minutes."

"Fifteen!" Sookie's voice corrected from somewhere in the kitchen. It sounded like maybe she was sitting on the floor. Rory didn't question it.

"Fifteen minutes," she agreed, grabbing two baskets of rolls. By the time she made it back into the dining room Lane and Zach had arrived, each holding a baby. Doula was toddling around their feet, trying to get a look at the boys. "Lane!" Rory said gratefully, setting down the rolls and giving her friend a hug as best she could without squishing the baby. "It's so good to see you. It feels like I haven't in forever."

"You haven't," Lane pointed out, but she was smiling. "You've been off setting the world on fire. Or Michigan, at least."

"I haven't even gotten anything published yet!" Rory argued, sitting down next to her. For exactly 30 seconds she felt perfectly relaxed, until Jess sat down on her other side.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about that mild cliff-hanger but this chapter really got away from me! I promise part 2 will be posted tomorrow :)


	23. The Higher We Both Climb

A/N: Part 2, as promised!

* * *

As soon as Jess sat down it seemed like everyone else took his lead and grabbed seats at the table. Her grandparents were sitting across from Liz and TJ, which would be interesting. The kids' chairs and high chairs were all down at the end of the table, with Zach and Jackson providing a buffer between the kids and adults. It had just been a few years ago when there weren't any kids at holiday meals and now there were six of them, although Sookie's youngest was fast asleep in his car seat on the floor. As Lorelai sat down across from her, Rory wondered if there would be another kid joining the group in the next year or two. Lorelai had told her that after her and Luke's disastrous first engagement she wasn't so concerned about rushing into the "ring thing" this time around, but Rory knew they were awfully serious nonetheless. The way Luke smiled at Lorelai as he brought the turkey out was more than enough to show it.

"Looks good," Jess said conversationally as the different dishes made their way around the table. "Usually I'm cooking food that I never get to eat."

"Right, at the diner," Rory said, taking a big scoop of mashed potatoes. "Can you pass the gravy?"

Jess handed her the gravy boat and she concentrated on not letting the gravy overflow the crater in her potatoes too much. She wasn't one of those weirdoes that couldn't let her food touch, but Sookie made amazing sweet potatoes and Rory didn't want meaty gravy all over the delicious marshmallow topping. "Lane, what's your mom up to today?" she asked, knowing that Lane's mom usually hosted a vegan Thanksgiving dinner. Rory wasn't exactly bummed to give Mrs. Kim's dinner a pass this year.

"She's volunteering at a soup kitchen in Woodbridge this year," Lane said. "Apparently, the woman who usually mans the whole thing recently lost her faith so Mama Kim stepped up to the plate. I didn't have the heart to tell her we had plans with you guys after she spent half an hour apologizing that she wouldn't be able to make us tofurkey for the boys' first Thanksgiving. Not that the boys could even eat tofurkey yet." Next to Zach, Steven and Kwan had already dug into their mashed potatoes and stuffing with their hands. Rory had a feeling more of the food would end up on the floor than in their stomachs. When she told Lane that she just shrugged and said that was how it always went with nine month olds.

"Don't I know it!" Liz exclaimed from her seat next to Jess. "Doula has grown up so much in the last three months, it's insane. Insane!"

"Walking and everything," TJ said, shaking his head in astonishment. "I didn't walk until I was almost 2. The girl's a genius."

Across the table Luke coughed and quickly took a sip of water. Rory caught his eye and smiled. "I think she takes after Jess," Liz proclaimed. "Jess was always the smartest kid I knew. You know he's got another book coming out soon? My kids are unstoppable!"

"Jeez," Jess said under his breath. "It's not coming out soon. I haven't even published it yet. I just finished the manuscript last month."

Rory glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, smoothing out her mashed potatoes with her spoon. She hadn't even known he was working on a second book. That wasn't surprising since Jess was pretty private with his writing, but if they had been talking maybe he would have told her when he finished writing it. It kind of made her sad to know that she had been missing out on something big in Jess' life.

As she ate her turkey the conversation flowed around her. It seemed like everyone was talking at once. Liz and Sookie became deeply involved in a conversation about the pros and cons of newborns. Now that Doula was a year old Liz was interested in trying for another one, although she was concerned she was too old to deal with two little kids. She had tried to solicit Lane's opinion on the topic too, but she had waved her away cheerfully. "Don't talk to me about having more babies until Steve and Kwan can feed, dress and bathe themselves," she said.

On the other side of the table Emily had once again brought up the idea of adding a spa to the inn. At the beginning of the summer she had brought it up nearly every time she and Lorelai had talked, but Lorelai said that she had laid off a little bit after Rory left. Now though she seemed particularly adamant. "I'm just saying, we really need to start planning right away if we want to break ground in the spring," Emily said as Lorelai ate green beans one by one, studiously ignoring her. Luke looked uncomfortable sitting between the two of them.

All around her the people she loved seemed happy enough in each other's company, but Rory felt a little bit left out. She had come home for the first time in months and while she knew everyone was excited to see her, she felt like she didn't have anything to add to the conversation. Liz, Lane and Sookie could talk about their kids and the guys could talk about sports or whatever it was that guys talked about and Lorelai and her grandma always found something to argue about, but Rory didn't know where she fit in. She thought working at the Free Press was endlessly interesting, but she wasn't even a real writer there yet and she knew no one else would be all that interested in the mechanics of the office. She just found it hard to relate.

Jess wasn't particularly chatty at dinner either, but he had never been one to talk for the sake of talking. The two of them were quieter than the others during dinner, although Rory didn't feel so uncomfortable sitting next to him anymore by the time seconds were passed around. Lorelai wanted to bring out dessert immediately, but everyone else groaned. "I'll bring out dessert in half an hour," Sookie announced to the group, corralling Davey and Martha to get them washed up. Lane and Zach followed her toward the bathroom with the boys. As they had when they sat down at the table, everyone else seemed to follow their lead and got up from the table too. Liz pitched in and helped Lorelai carry dishes into the kitchen, while Richard, Luke, Jackson and TJ headed out to the parking lot so they could take a look at the elder Gilmores' new car. Seemingly at a loss, Emily went into the kitchen too, saying something about finding a cup of tea. It only took a minute for Jess and Rory to be left alone at the table.

"That was something," Jess said after they sat in silence for a few minutes. "I can't believe your grandpa and TJ actually found something to talk about."

"Yeah," Rory said, looking at her hands in her lap. Clearing her throat, she forced herself to make a better effort. "Did he really invite TJ to go golfing at the club with him?"

"I think the only club TJ is familiar with is the sandwich," Jess said. "I can't picture him in a pair of plaid shorts. Thank God."

"I don't want to picture TJ in anything at all," Rory said. "I mean, I don't picture TJ at all. Clothes or no clothes. Although if I were to picture TJ he would be wearing clothes."

"You're nervous," Jess observed.

"Kind of," Rory admitted. "We haven't talked in a while."

Jess nodded. "I figured you didn't want to talk to me so I didn't want to push it. I would've texted you, but…"

That was more or less the same thought that had been running through Rory's mind the last few months. It was ironic that they'd wanted to talk to each other but didn't realize it because they both thought the other didn't want to. "Your girlfriend didn't want to come to dinner?" she asked, changing the topic. It wasn't necessarily a better topic, but it was the elephant in the room.

"We split up," Jess said, shrugging. "She wasn't—" he stopped abruptly and started over. "It just didn't work out. We were pretty different."

It wasn't very nice, but Rory was kind of happy to hear that Jess and his girlfriend were no longer together. On the other hand it was almost irritating. They had given up on some sort of relationship and hadn't talked for months just for Jess to break up with the girlfriend that caused all the problems after a couple of months? It seemed like a waste of time. Of course, Jess wasn't like Rory. She liked long-term relationships and he seemed perfectly fine dating a girl for a few months before moving on. "That didn't last long. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Jess said. "We weren't serious or anything. Just hanging out."

"I said I wanted to have a relationship with you and you turned me down for someone you were just 'hanging out' with?" Rory asked, shocking herself with her bluntness. "Well, I hope hanging out with her was fun for you at least."

Jess looked taken aback. "What is your problem?" he asked, looking at her like she was a stranger. "You got a job. You moved away. What was I supposed to do, sit at home and pine for you while you were off in another state? When I went to California you said you weren't going to pine for me, you know."

"That was different!" Rory objected.

"How?"

_Because you left me without saying anything,_ she thought. "Because I lied!" she said instead. "Jess, I thought about you all the time. Do you think I just moved on from that right away? I waited for you to come back for weeks, months even. And you never did."

"So that's what this is about, five years later?"

"I don't know," Rory said plaintively. "Maybe. Everything got screwed up and was screwed up for _years _and we finally had a chance to maybe get things right and you picked someone else."

"I didn't pick someone else," Jess said. "I dated someone else for a few months and I broke up with her because it wasn't what I wanted. _She _wasn't what I wanted. She wasn't you, Rory."

And then he kissed her. A real, actual kiss with no hesitation or changing his mind. Right there at the dinner table, while they could hear the guys coming in from outside and Lane and Sookie making their way back to the table. They pulled apart quickly, but Rory's face burned. Kissing Jess again was certainly exciting, but it was confusing too. She had no idea what it meant, and she didn't have any time to think about it because Lorelai swept out of the kitchen, carrying a pie in each hand.

"There's cheesecake, too!" She announced, setting the pies down. "Liz is bringing it out with the whipped cream."

"There's ice cream too, if anyone wants their pie a la mode," Emily said, bringing a carton of ice cream to the table. "Although it's store bought." She said "store bought" as if Sookie had purchased it from the back of a van and not from Doose's earlier that morning.

"All ice cream is good ice cream, Mom," Lorelai said, passing plates around to everyone. "Well, dig in!"

As everyone took slices of pie and cheesecake, Rory took a few deep breaths. She had to pull it together. After a minute or so she thought she had managed to look normal fairly well, and decided to congratulate herself with a piece of both cheesecake and pumpkin pie. Of course, as soon as she reached for the cheesecake Jess decided to do the same, his hand brushing against hers. Just as she had gotten her heart rate to calm down, it shot back into the stratosphere.


	24. The Farther We Fall

A/N: For the first time in months I feel like I'm on a roll! Cross your fingers that it continues (although all of your sweet reviews definitely help!)

* * *

Even though Lorelai had set up a private dinner at the Dragonfly for them, the kitchen was still serving a Thanksgiving dinner for the guests later that evening. Immediately after dessert Sookie shot back into the kitchen to observe the preparation for the second dinner, which most everyone else took as a sign to head out. Since Lorelai was already there she headed back to her office to do a little bit of work while Luke went back to the diner to relieve Caesar. Emily and Richard headed out quickly too in order to be home for their dinner plans, but only after they made Rory promise she would drag her mother to Hartford for a Friday night dinner the next evening.

"We wouldn't miss it," Rory promised her grandma. "I've missed our dinners in Michigan. I've got my own Friday night tradition now, but it's not the same as your dinners at all."

"Have you taken up cooking?" Emily asked, surprised. "I always thought you girls should cook for yourselves more. It's no more expensive than filling your fridge with old Chinese food." Old Chinese food sounded pretty good to Rory, but Emily acted like it was Spam or something.

"Nope, I order a pizza," Rory said, not at all ashamed about her lack of cooking skills. "Then I've got lunch and dinner for Saturday, too!"

"Leftovers," Emily said, clucking her tongue. "You know, if you cooked you could portion it so you never have to eat leftovers."

Rory didn't think it would be wise to point out that Emily never cooked herself. Giving the maid a menu for the day was as close as she got to actually preparing food. "Leftover pizza is good, Grandma," Rory argued. "Really, order a pizza some time and try it cold the next morning. It's life changing."

"Cold pizza!" Emily sounded so scandalized that Rory had to choke back a laugh. "I will never understand you girls."

"Emily, the car has been heating up in the driveway for 15 minutes now," Richard said. "If I let it go any longer we won't have the gas to get back to Hartford."

"There are gas stations between here and Hartford," Rory reminded her grandpa. Truthfully, she couldn't picture him pumping his own gas. She had seen him working on his car, but that was while wearing coveralls to avoid getting all greasy. Watching him pump gas in one of his traditional suits would be something else. "But you probably should get on the road so you're not late for your dinner. I bet traffic is a mess. Mom and I will see you tomorrow night for dinner, though."

She had a feeling Lorelai wouldn't be very happy about that, but Rory was actually excited. "You'll extend the invitation to Luke too, won't you?"

"Of course," Rory said, quite sure Luke would come down with a mysterious case of anything that would get him out of dinner once she told him. "We'll all be there."

When her grandparents finally left Rory decided to grab a quick cup of coffee before heading home, but her trip to the kitchen was stopped in its tracks when she noticed Jess still sitting at the table. She had seen Liz and TJ getting ready to leave while she was talking to her grandparents and assumed Jess had gone with him, but there he was. She wasn't even really surprised, but what was surprising was that she didn't mind. Her heart didn't start racing and her breath didn't catch in her throat. She felt normal.

"Didn't feel like heading home yet?" Rory asked, hovering near the table across from him.

"Nah," Jess said. "Liz and TJ said a couple they know from the renaissance fair were going to stop by, so my self-preservation kicked in."

"The old fight or flight response," Rory said, nodding. "I'm going to grab a cup of coffee. You want one?"

"I'll take tea, if you've got it," Jess said. It took Rory a second to realize he was being serious and wasn't mocking Luke. Rory liked iced tea, but hot tea just confused her. It tasted like it should be cold and there wasn't enough caffeine to justify drinking it.

"I'm sure Sookie can point out a good one," Rory said, heading to the kitchen. A couple of minutes later she had her precious coffee and a cup full of orange pekoe, whatever that was. She debated taking a sip to see if it actually tasted like oranges, but decided it wasn't it wasn't worth it.

Even though it wasn't coffee, Jess seemed to enjoy it. "So, how's work?" he asked, watching Rory stir sugar into her coffee.

"It's good," Rory said. "I mean, it'd be nice to be a full-fledged writer with bylines and everything, but I like the work. I'm in features, which was always my favorite at Yale. Hopefully by next summer I'll be part of the regular staff."

"I would've thought you'd hate being so junior," Jess mused. Rory had to admit that he was partially right. She had been hoping a paper would offer her a full-time writing gig right off, without having to prove herself for months and months first. In her eyes, that's what the Daily News had been.

"You're not wrong," Rory said. "I mean, I thought I had the experiences I'd need to start off on staff. I was on the Daily News for almost four years, and I had that internship at the Eagle-Gazette. I even wrote a few articles for them later on. I guess that wasn't enough, though."

"It's a big paper," Jess said with an easy shrug. "I'm sure everyone has started out on the bottom there."

"I know," Rory said. "Still, sometimes I wonder if…" She trailed off, too embarrassed to even finish her thought.

Jess looked at her critically. "You don't still think that asshole newspaper guy was right, do you? You know that's crazy."

"Of course I do," Rory said. "I mean, journalism is my passion, and I've always felt like I've been good at it. But every now and then I'll write an article and it'll come back absolutely covered in red ink, or my supervisor will make me start an article over before it's even finished and it's just really discouraging." She hadn't told anyone that. Whenever Rory talked to her mom about work she always said it was going really well, because technically it was. Since Rory's articles were mainly for practice it was no big deal to have to make a lot of edits or pick a new direction. She just wanted to show her bosses that she could do things write the first time.

"You're not a superhero, you know," Jess said, taking her by surprise. "You don't have to be the biggest and the best the first time around every single time. Have you ever looked at the corrections section of any newspaper? Even editors-in-chief make mistakes."

"I know, but…" Rory trailed off with a shrug. In her mind, she should be better than that. But as life had a way of showing her, she was really no better than anyone else. She just had to convince herself that was okay. "So, new topic?"

"Go ahead."

"You kissed me earlier."

"Yes, I did," Jess said. "You don't sound all that surprised about it."

"I don't know," Rory said. "It did surprise me at the time, but as a concept it's not really surprising. We kind of have a habit of taking each other by surprise."

"Like when you kissed me at Sookie's wedding and ran away."

"Like when you told me you loved me at the Firelight festival and ran away."

"Like when you visited me at the bookstore and kissed me even though you were with Logan."

"Like when you showed up at my dorm and tried to get me to run away with you."

"Like when you…" Jess stopped, apparently stumped. "That's not fair; you have more examples than I do."

"Like when you showed up at my grandparents' house with a book you wrote," Rory continued, grinning. "Like when your mom announced that you wrote a _second _book you didn't even mention to me."

Jess held up his hands in surrender. "Hey, I was going to tell you when it was published. I didn't want to jinx anything."

"I've got a remedy for jinxes," Rory said, thinking about the un-jinxing handshake she and Lane used to do when they were kids. "I understand, though. I was just teasing you. What's it about?"

"You'll just have to read it when it's published," Jess said, as annoyingly mysterious as always.

"Well, when it's published I demand that the author deliver a copy to my house," Rory said. "I got quite accustomed to that."

"After I did it once?"

"Yes," Rory said. "You never forget a thing like an author presenting you with the first copy of their book."

"I had already gotten it stocked in a couple stores by then," Jess pointed out.

"Hush, you're ruining it."

"I'll get a copy to you," Jess promised. "It could be a few months, though. We tend to publish books that people are paying us for first, so I'll have to wait for a lull to get things moving."

"Hey, I can wait," Rory said. "So, are you going to deliver this one to my house, too?"

Jess took a sip of his tea, giving her an appraising look. "Is that your way of inviting me to visit you in Michigan?"

"Maybe," Rory said, a faint flutter starting up in her stomach. "If you want. Detroit is pretty cool. We don't have cheesesteaks, but we've got Coney dogs. Those are equally as unhealthy."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jess said, giving her a half-smile. As usual, Rory had no idea where they stood. She wasn't holding her breath that this conversation would turn into something more. There was a pretty good chance Jess would never even make out to Michigan. But they'd had a pleasant conversation. They were friends again. That was what really mattered.


	25. Now We're Under

A/N: Okay, fair warning: there's no Jess in this chapter. I'm a sucker for a good Friday night dinner, though!

* * *

"Food poisoning! With that big Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, something was probably poisoned."

"Mom, Grandma and Grandpa ate the same food we did," Rory said, fastening a necklace around her neck. "Wouldn't it be a little suspect if you were the only poisoned one?" As Rory had suspected, Lorelai had not immediately jumped on board with going to Friday night dinner after just seeing her parents the day before. Rory had successfully cajoled her mother into getting dressed, but now that it was time to head out Lorelai had plopped down on the couch and didn't seem eager to move.

"Luke will back me up," Lorelai said. "Won't you, love?"

"The poison. It hurts," Luke said obediently. To his credit he was already dressed and wearing shoes, and was waiting by the door with the car keys in his hand. Rory knew he didn't want to go to dinner any more than Lorelai did, but he got points for having a better attitude about it.

"You're both children," Rory said. "I have to fly home Sunday. Do you really want to deny me this time with you because you'll have to see Grandma two days in a row?"

"Absolutely," Lorelai said with zero hesitation.

"Mom!"

"Well, Rory, you're a grown up now. Mommy can't always be there to hold your hand. After all, someday I will be dead. In my mind I always go out tragically. In an explosion, maybe. Or a boat wreck. Or an explosion on a boat."

"Do not even joke about that," Rory said, thinking of Luke's boat. Her mom had mentioned that she and Luke had gone out on it several times over the summer and now the thought made her nervous. "Now can you please put your shoes on? If you do it without whining I'll buy you coffee ice cream on the way home."

"The good stuff?" Lorelai asked, taking the pair of shoes Rory handed her. She looked at them and started to protest, but one look from Rory kept her quiet. They were already way too late to discuss the merits of slingbacks versus pumps.

"We'll party it up with Ben and Jerry," Rory promised, holding out her pinky. Lorelai hooked it with her own pinky and shook.

"Good," Lorelai said, grabbing her purse. As they made it out the door and Lorelai turned to lock the house up, she thought of something. "Hey, what if I say Paul Anka has food poisoning?"

"I'm not going to build a spa, Mother," Lorelai said, taking a long sip of her martini. It took less than ten minutes for Emily to usher them in, pour drinks, and start in on Lorelai about adding a spa to the inn. Her grandmother was persistent; Rory had to give her that. Personally, she thought adding a spa might be kind of cool. It would be nice to come home and have a place to get a massage. She knew nothing about the inn's finances or how big of an undertaking a spa would be though, so she kept her mouth shut. "Hey, we could turn this into a drinking game," Lorelai continued. "Every time I say no, just do a shot."

"Better break out the shot glasses, Grandpa," Rory said, sipping her Coke. Even though she had been of legal drinking age for two years, she felt weird accepting cocktails at her grandparents' house. She drank wine during dinner with everyone else, but having her grandma mix her a martini just felt weird.

"Rory!"

"Mom, I was kidding," Lorelai said. "Seriously, though. Let's say I would even begin to entertain the thought of possibly adding a spa. Isn't it a little too late to start planning if we hypothetically wanted to break ground in the spring? My contractor is probably already booked through next Thanksgiving."

"That's why we need to make decisions now," Emily pointed out. "You know, last weekend I went to a beautiful day spa in Stamford. Top of the line, and brand new. Yours could be better though. With that darling little inn of yours attached? It would be a rave!"

Lorelai sighed. "Yes, my little inn, attached to a spa. Can we talk about this another time not at dinner? Rory is here for the first time in months, if you haven't noticed."

"We noticed Rory, Lorelai," Emily said. "That is an excellent idea, though. This really isn't the proper place. I'll meet you at the inn at noon on Monday for lunch."

Lorelai looked like she wanted to protest, but Rory jumped in before her mom could turn the evening into World War III. "So, Grandma, how was your dinner last night?"

Emily shook her head wearily, as if even thinking about it was exhausting. "If I had known what it would be like we never would've left yesterday," she said. "The Cullpepper's cook isn't a patch on Sookie."

"The used _canned _soup in their green bean casserole," Richard added disapprovingly.

"Canned soup? That's the culinary version of the c-word!" Lorelai exclaimed, clearly glad to put the spa talk behind them. She and Rory had practically lived on canned soup before they discovered that Beefaroni was vastly superior to Campbell's condensed.

"What's the other c-word?" Emily asked, sounding confused.

"Google it if you must, Mom. I'm not explaining it in mixed company."

"Oh, never mind," Emily said, not satisfied with Lorelai's answer. "Let's not talk about that horrible dinner. So, Rory, how are things in Michigan? We've only heard about the paper. Are you making good friends out there?"

Rory ran a finger around the edge of her glass. Truthfully, a lot of the time she wished she had more friends in Michigan. Things had gotten better over the last few months but it was nothing like being in Stars Hollow and having Lane right in town, or even being at Yale with Paris there all the time. "Some," Rory said carefully. "A lot of my co-workers are a lot older than I am, so we don't have a lot in common. Most of them are really nice, though."

"Any young men?" Emily asked meaningfully.

Rory chose to ignore the meaning behind her question. "Young men work there, yes."

Emily sighed. "Any of significant interest?" she asked.

She shrugged, even though Rory knew her grandma hated that. "Not right now. I went on a date with a co-worker, but that was months ago and it didn't go anywhere."

Richard looked relieved, but Emily wasn't satisfied with her answer. "You know, it has been a while since you and Logan broke up," she mused. "You really should get back out there. You're not going to be young forever, you know. I wonder if we know anyone in your area. Richard, who do we know in Michigan?"

"Mom, stop trying to marry off my daughter," Lorelai said to Rory's relief. "She hasn't even been single a year yet. It's not like she's a leper. And she's focused on her career. Isn't having a great career more important than having a boyfriend?"

"You have both," Emily pointed out. It was possibly the closest thing to a compliment she had given Lorelai in a long time. "I just don't want her to miss out on any opportunities."

"Trust me, Grandma, there aren't a lot of opportunities in that area right now," Rory said reassuringly. "If I ever do meet a nice young man, I will let you know."

"What about that boy that was at dinner, yesterday? The one who was at your graduation?"

Rory wondered if her grandma didn't realize that Jess was the same one she had brought to Friday night dinner all those years ago. "Jess just came to dinner to be with his family," Rory said. "We're friends, sure, but there's nothing going on there."

"You're friends?" Lorelai asked interestedly. Rory hadn't gotten around to telling her what had happened at dinner and she wasn't sure what her mom would say if she did.

"I've been friends with Jess for a long time," Rory said, looking at her grandma. She didn't want to get into a conversation about their period of not talking with her grandparents around. They didn't need to know that Rory had acted like a pathetic girl who threw herself at a boy and then gave him the silent treatment for months when he turned her down.

"Right, I know," Lorelai said, not catching Rory's rather pointed glance. "But what about—"

"Dinner smells great, Grandma," Rory said, cutting her mom off. "What are we having?"

If Emily was confused about the abrupt and completely obvious change in topic, she played it off very well. "I had Ellie Mae cook a pot roast," Emily said. "I know it's one of your favorites."

"Wow, Grandma. That was really nice." Rory loved pot roast and didn't get to have it very often, and she knew her Grandma didn't think very highly of it. She had once said before that pot roast was for people who couldn't afford steak. Rory was pretty sure the last time her grandma served pot roast was when she invited her minister over to talk Rory out of having sex. "Thank you."

"Anything for our girl," Richard chimed in.

"Hey, I'm your girl too," Lorelai complained. "And last we you made me eat pigeon."

"It was squab, Lorelai," Emily said, rolling her eyes.

"Which is a type of pigeon."

"A young pigeon, actually," Luke said. Lorelai looked aghast.

"You made us eat baby pigeons?" she demanded. "I like meat, but I don't know how I feel about eating baby animals."

"You had veal just last month and enjoyed it," Emily said, standing up to signal that it was time to head into the dining room. She walked out before she could see Lorelai's horrified face.

"I didn't know it was veal!" she said, quickly gulping the last of her martini before following her mom into the dining room. "Mom, do not secretly feed me veal again!"


	26. Looking Up Into The Floor

A/N: Well, this chapter got very dialogue-heavy. After 26 chapters I still have no idea how to balance dialogue and not-dialogue (or what exactly not-dialogue is called). I never claimed to be a professional. I just want to write something you guys will like :)

* * *

"So what was that at dinner?" Lorelai asked, once Luke was safely upstairs and out of earshot.

Rory decided to play dumb. Unfortunately, she wasn't very good at it. "What was what?" she asked, already feeling herself starting to blush. It didn't escape Lorelai's notice.

"That thing about how you and Jess are friends? I thought you weren't talking to Jess. You certainly looked like you didn't want to be sitting by him at dinner yesterday. I haven't seen someone that uncomfortable at a holiday meal since the last time we went to my mother's for a holiday."

Rory shrugged. "We talked a little bit," she said. "Everyone else kind of took off between dinner and dessert so we were the only two people sitting there. It would've been weird to _not _talk to him."

"Uh huh," Lorelai said, not impressed. "So, what did you talk about?"

"Work, mostly."

"Mostly."

"He broke up with his girlfriend," Rory said reluctantly.

Lorelai nodded knowingly. "Aha. Now we're getting somewhere. Why did they break up?"

"It just wasn't working out, I guess. I don't know. Why does anyone break up?"

"Someone runs out on the wedding, someone is suing the other one's parents, they get married on a whim in another country and it doesn't end up being as whimsical as it seemed at first," Lorelai said.

"Those examples are all from you," Rory pointed out. "No offense, but I don't think most people end up breaking up because their boyfriend is suing their father."

"Someone likes someone else more than they like their boyfriend. Or girlfriend," Lorelai added pointedly.

Rory sighed and got up to pour herself a cup of coffee. When she settled back in the living room, she looked at her mom seriously. "Okay, if you promise to listen and not interrupt, I will tell you the whole story, deal?"

Lorelai clapped her hands. "I _knew _there was more to the story! You were acting awfully squirrely for someone who just talked about work with an old friend."

"I was not acting squirrely," Rory argued. "I'm never squirrely."

"Chipmunky, then."

"If you want me to tell you what happened you're going to have to stop comparing me to woodland creatures."

"Deal," Lorelai said, taking the coffee cup from Rory's hand. "If I'm not drinking something I might be tempted to interrupt you," she pointed out before Rory could protest.

"Fine, keep the coffee. I just got up to get it to avoid you anyway." Rory took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare herself to tell the story. "Okay, so we actually didn't talk much at first between dinner and dessert. Jess said something first about TJ and Grandpa talking—"

"Yeah, what was with that?" Lorelai asked. She clapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry," she said, her voice muffled behind her hand. "Carry on."

"_Anyway_, we kind of acknowledged that we hadn't talked in a while and then I asked Jess why he didn't bring his girlfriend, and he said they broke up." She paused, not sure what she should say about happen next.

"Were you happy?" Lorelai prompted, probably figuring that didn't count as interrupting since Rory wasn't talking.

She let it slide. "Kind of," she admitted. "But then I felt bad for not feeling bad, so I got trapped in that guilt circle thing we're so good at for a minute. I don't know, though. When he said that I just got so mad. Like, I wanted to work on having a relationship and he turned me down because he had a girlfriend, and they only dated for a couple of months? I felt like he was just using her as an excuse to not be with me."

"Do you think she actually existed?"

Rory hadn't even thought about that. "Of course," she said, resolutely. Jess might have done some questionable things in the past but she couldn't imagine he would just make up a girlfriend to get out of being with Rory. The Jess she knew now would just be straight with her. "Anyway, I kind of exploded on him," she said, trying to continue the story. Lorelai raised an eyebrow, which was not a trait that Rory inherited from her. "I was mad! And filled with a lot of carbs that were giving me energy for a fight."

"You guys got in a fight?"

"Not a fight," Rory corrected herself. "A…discussion. Anyway, I said that it was pretty crappy that he turned me down just to date someone else for a couple of months. I _know _it doesn't make any sense and he has the right to date whoever he wants, but in the moment I was mad that we went through all that just so he could break up with her after a couple of months. I reminded him that our relationship ended badly and things had been screwed up for years and he was all 'What was I supposed to do, just sit around and hope you'd be interested in me again someday? Because you said you weren't going to do that when I left' and it was really kind of annoying to have that thrown back at me."

"I can see that. So…" Lorelai was clearly trying to hurry her along. Rory was good at telling stories on paper, but she had a tendency to ramble on when she was relaying them verbally. Of course _that _she did inherit.

"_So_, it all just kind of came to a head and Jess said that he had broken up with his girlfriend because she wasn't me. And then he kissed me."

"You made me wait ten minutes while you rambled on about stuff I already knew instead of leading with that? Next time I'm telling you to give me the Reader's Digest version," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "Did you kiss him back?"

Rory shrugged. "I don't know. It happened kind of fast."

"Oh, please. You either did or you didn't, and you know which one it is."

"I kissed him back. But then you came out of the kitchen with dessert, so nothing happened after that."

Lorelai smacked her forehead with her palm. "I didn't know I was interrupting! Sorry. So that was all that happened?"

"What do you mean, all? You wanted us to consummate things on the dining table?"

"Don't be gross. I mean, did you just leave it at that? People dispersed kind of quickly after dessert."

"Oh, we talked more after that. We really did talk about work. And then he said he was working on getting his new book published and I told him he should bring me a copy, like he did the first time. So I guess I kind of invited him to visit me in Michigan."

"Lorelai Gilmore!" Lorelai admonished. "I cannot believe I let you go to bed last night without prying that out of you. I had no idea you'd gotten so forward with the boys."

"Ew, don't be gross, Mom."

"Hey, you were the one talking about consummating things on a table."

"And I officially regret saying that."

Lorelai handed Rory's coffee back to her and she took a grateful sip. Talking about the day before had really taken it out of her. "So, what happens how?" Lorelai asked. "What's going on with you guys?"

"I don't know," Rory admitted. "He texted me earlier to tell me something Kirk did when he was at Luke's, so that's not very indicative of where his mind's at right now. Him visiting me in Michigan isn't even a for sure thing. I mean, he could take months to publish his book, if he does use that as a reason to come to Michigan. And by then he'll probably have forgotten that I even said that."

"Oh, he won't forget," Lorelai said knowingly. "If I had to guess, he gets that book done sooner rather than later so he has an excuse to go see you."

"You really think so?" Rory asked.

"Definitely."

"I'd be nice to know what he's thinking," Rory said. "But we've been through that before and it ended with us not talking for months, so I'm not going to push it. I guess we'll just see how things end up."

Lorelai studied her daughter. "Is being with Jess how you want things to end up?"

"Kind of," Rory admitted. "I know you don't like him, but I just feel like we never got a fair chance, you know? He was in such a weird place when we were dating and then by the time he figured things out I was with someone else. I want to give things a shot when we're both settled and good."

"Hey, don't worry about how I felt about him," Lorelai said. "I know I was never his biggest fan when you guys were dating, but if being with him would make you happy then I'll go over to Liz's right now and talk some sense into him."

"Thanks, Mom," Rory said, leaning over to give her an impulsive hug. "You don't need to do that, though. I think part of giving things a real grown-up chance is just letting them play out how they're supposed to play out, without any parental involvement."

"Spoken like a true grown up," Lorelai said with a yawn. "Unless you've been holding back part of the story, I think I'm going to go to bed. The idea of having a lunch meeting with my mother on Monday is already exhausting."

"I'm good," Rory said. "You go to bed." Lorelai nodded and kissed Rory on the head before heading for the stairs. "Hey, Mom?" Rory called quietly, before her mom could get too far away. "Thanks for listening."


	27. And Burn Each Other

A/N: Writing about music/books/tv shows/movies Rory would like is really difficult because I am only familiar with things she would hate, plus I always want to reference things that didn't actually exist back in 2007. The struggle.

* * *

Saturday started off a lot quieter than Rory had expected it to. When she woke up in the morning Lorelai and Luke had already both gone to work. Lorelai has apologized about having to go into work for a few hours a million times and Rory had insisted it was fine, but waking up to an empty house made her realize she didn't actually have any plans for the morning. She debated going to the bookstore or a movie, but she didn't have any room in her bag for more books and she wasn't a fan of going to the movies alone. After much debate, she ended up where she always ended up: Luke's.

Having breakfast by herself wasn't the most exciting thing ever, but it was essential to the Stars Hollow experience so she couldn't complain too much. She always missed Luke's when she was away from home. She was halfway through a pile of extra-crispy hashbrowns when someone sat down across from her.

"Can I join you, or will I get in the way of the world's biggest cup of coffee?" Jess asked, eyeing her coffee mug.

"There's plenty of room," Rory said, sliding her cup over. "I found a coffee chain I like in Michigan, but it's still nothing like Luke's coffee. I asked for the biggest mug he could find."

"Is it technically a mug without a handle?" Jess asked, examining the cup.

Rory shrugged. "I think Zach actually gave me a soup bowl. But hey, it gets the job done. It's just a little trickier to drink out of."

"A little slippery without a handle?"

"I spilled it on my shirt twice," she admitted. "It's a good thing I decided to wear my black shirt today."

"I noticed," Jess said. "I don't remember you wearing a lot of black. It's very big city."

"That, and I forgot to do laundry before I left. The machines in the apartment really gouge you if you want clean clothes. I miss being at Yale and bringing my laundry home," Rory said. "I don't think Detroit really counts as 'big city', though. It's not like you, living in New York and Philly."

"Detroit has a bad rep but it's still a big city," Jess pointed out. "They had a pretty big music scene back in the day."

"Just back in the day? Are you forgetting Kid Rock?" Rory joked.

Jess shuddered. "I try to every day. My boss was actually playing his latest album at the diner for a while. If I hear that ungodly mash-up of Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama one more time, I swear I'm going to quit."

"I think it's called All Summer Long," Rory said absently, trying to spear a particularly reluctant piece of potato with her fork. When she looked up, Jess was gaping at her. "I just know things!" she exclaimed defensively. "I don't even like the song. I don't like Werewolves of London or Sweet Home Alabama, either."

"You getting into Eminem instead?"

Rory wrinkled my nose. "Rap will never be my thing. Rap or country. Or Christian rock. Or most of that punk-pop stuff. But you know, other than that I'll listen to anything."

"You are extremely picky for being such an open-minded person."

"I'm going to pretend there was a compliment in there somewhere," Rory said, taking a sip of coffee. "So, when do you head home?"

"Later tonight, probably," Jess said. "I've got to work at the diner tomorrow afternoon and I don't want to have to leave at the crack of dawn. Plus it would be nice to avoid being a part of Doula's bedtime battle tonight. Getting her to go to bed is like trying to get Luke to wear something other than plaid."

"You mean you're not Jess Mariano, Baby Whisperer?"

Jess shook his head. "Not in this lifetime. Doula hardly even looks at me, although Liz keeps saying she's so excited about seeing her big brother. She probably thinks I'm just a stranger, which I basically am. She couldn't even walk the last time I saw her and now she's running all over the place, trying to trip everyone."

Rory nodded, but she didn't have a lot of experience with babies. She didn't see Steve and Kwan or the Belleville kids that often, and her own half-sister was almost five and well past the baby stage. "Families are weird," Rory announced. "If Mom and Luke get married, I'll have a step-sister and a half-sister. I wonder what it's like to have family members that don't have identifiers stuck to the front."

Jess shrugged. "Beats me. You really think they'll get married?"

"I don't know," Rory said thoughtfully. "I think so, eventually. After the way things went the last time around I don't think either of them are in any hurry for a big deal engagement again. Hey, when Luke married Nicole he got the captain of the ship they were on to do the ceremony. Do you think Luke could marry him and my mom, since he's got a boat?" Rory was making a mental note to tell Lorelai to look into it when she saw Jess shake his head.

"I don't think it works like that," Jess said. "Owning a boat doesn't immediately make you a captain."

"Sure it does," Rory argued. "If it's your boat, you're the captain."

"So if I bought a plane I would be the pilot?"

Rory had to admit that he had a point there, although she was pretty sure flying a plane was a lot more difficult than taking a little boat out on the water. "I still think I'm right," she said.

"Of course you do. You wouldn't be you if you didn't," Jess said. For a minute he paused, paging half-heartedly through the menu even though he had worked there and knew everything on the menu already. "So… did you want to talk about what happened on Thursday?"

"What happened on Thursday?" Rory asked automatically, before realizing that Thursday had been Thanksgiving. Duh. "Oh, right. I don't know. I don't think we really need to, do you?" She and Jess didn't have the greatest track record when it came to talking about big things. "I mean, it was what it was. We were both there."

"So we're on the same page, then." Rory mentally cringed a little bit when he said that. Trying to get on the same page had caused them a lot of trouble over the summer.

"We're on the same page," Rory confirmed. She didn't actually know which page that was, but it felt like enough to acknowledge that it happened and move on. She didn't want to spend her last day at home analyzing their kiss to death. Normally she analyzed everything to death, but not talking to Jess for the last little while made her realize that she would rather have Jess around than detailed explanations of every single move either of them made. She was willing to let go of that little bit of control if it meant she could have Jess back in her life.

Luckily, Jess didn't push the topic. "Cool," he said. "So, I thought about what you said about going to Michigan."

That was a surprise. Rory had figured he didn't take her seriously when she mentioned it. "And you've come to the conclusion that…"

"I wouldn't be able to make it out there for a few months," Jess said. "Probably February or even March. The guys and I are trying to set up a way to get the 'zine online instead of printing it every month. Truncheon has been getting some real traction lately since we added the bar and got a couple of spots in the papers about events we've had, so we're trying phase into just becoming a publisher/bookstore/bar/artsy event spot."

"'Just'? How is that less than you're doing now?"

"We won't sell the 'zine anymore so we'll lose like $10 of profit each month."

Rory flinched. "Wow, people really don't read magazines anymore, do they? Thank god I work for a big paper. I don't think the Free Press is going anywhere."

"Trust me, people still read magazines," Jess said. "The other day a girl asked me why we don't stock Cosmo, since, like, she can buy it at Borders and we're a bookstore too." Rory laughed at his imitation, wishing she had been there to see that. She couldn't imagine Jess had been very conciliatory about the whole thing. "People don't seem to understand that we don't have the resources to compete with big chains. Although if we did, I still wouldn't stock Cosmo."

"Maybe you should add a little coffee shop, too. That'll really get you up there with Borders. Or DVDs. Do you guys sell DVDs?"

Jess snorted. "Yeah, so people can bug us about not having enough copies of Transformers? I don't think DVDs are on the horizon. I don't even know how we would be able to sell DVDs. It's a lot easier selling used books and things people ask us to stock."

"And your own secret books you don't tell your friends about," Rory said, flicking a piece of hashbrown.

"I swear, you will be the first person I tell when I actually get it published," Jess groaned. "Don't hold your breath or anything though."

"Until I'm blue in the face," Rory promised. "Zach keeps eyeing me like he wants to turn my table over. I probably shouldn't stay here all day ordering just coffee. You want to see a movie or something? I don't have plans with my mom for a few hours still."

"Sure. But everything that's out now sucks," Jess said.

"I think Dan in Real Life might still be playing. That sounded okay. Too bad we're like a week too early to see Juno," she said, standing up and tossing some money on the table.

Jess rolled his eyes and handed Rory her coat. "Yeah, too bad."


	28. We're Dying For More

A/N: I wrote most of the dialogue for this in a notebook in class and then spent several hours procrastinating on typing it up. Thinking up new things is a lot more fun then typing them up later. Too bad boring lectures are such a good time to write!

* * *

Rory clamped her phone between her chin and her shoulder and tried to angle her couch to face the window more. It had been snowing nonstop for almost three days and it was absolutely beautiful. It drifted down in fat white flakes, covering up the grey slush on the side of the roads almost as fast as it formed. Stars Hollow got its fair share of snow, but it was nothing compared to the lake effect snow in Michigan. "It looks like Christmas here already," she told her mom, thinking that she should make a big cup of cocoa once she got off the phone.

"No new flakes to report here," Lorelai said sadly. "Although Paul Anka has refused to go on walks the past few days because he doesn't like the cold pavement on his toes."

"Dogs have toes?"

Lorelai scoffed. "Of course they do. I bet if you're nice to Paul Anka he'll show you his toes when you come home for Christmas."

"That was one of the strangers sentences you've come up with over the years," Rory said. "Hey, while we're on the topic, I've got something to run by you."

"For the last time, I'm not watching Big Brother over Skype with you this summer," Lorelai said with a sigh. "I don't believe that the marathon you watched last week was good. I just don't. We are not reality TV people, Rory. We're above that!"

"Wow," Rory said, slightly taken aback. "That is not what I was going to say, although I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it. Speaking of TV though, have you been watching The Office? I feel like we haven't talked about it recently."

"Oh, sure," Lorelai said, offering up no other thoughts on the subject.

Rory sighed. "You're behind," she guessed. Watching TV religiously was what she and her mom did best and it was weird not being around for the occasional marathon or movie night. They tried to watch the same shows and text each other while they watched them, but they often kept different schedules.

"Six episodes and counting," Lorelai said cheerfully. "But I've got a plan. Since they're on their holiday hiatus, I'm just going to watch them all in the next couple of weeks and I'll be ready to rock when it comes back."

"But that's months away!" Rory whined. "I want to talk about Jim and Pam."

"Okay, drama queen. I just said I would watch them _this _month. In a few weeks, all will be well."

"Sure, for us. But what about Jam?"

"Do not refer to them by cutesy name," Lorelai groaned.

Rory snorted. "Says the woman who waxed poetic about the 'fro-yo' she bought the other day."

"Hey, that reminds me. It's ho-cho season," Lorelai said, knowing that Rory hated that stupid made-up word even more than fro-yo.

"Mooom."

"Sorry," Lorelai said, although Rory had been around long enough to know that Lorelai enjoyed tormenting her daughter with things like that.

Rory shrugged, pressing a palm against the frosty window. She'd always loved leaving icy handprints on the glass when she was a kid. Something about it was still nice, even now. "I guess I can forgive you, since I've already had our signature drink of the season and it's only December 4th."

"You had candy cane coffee?!" Lorelai said, sounding astonished that her tradition-loving daughter would do something in such an untimely manner.

"Biggby had signs all over the store announcing their peppermint mocha lattes! I couldn't refuse."

"They're not the Corleones, Rory. You were supposed to wait for me!"

"Well, you were supposed to keep up on The Office so we could talk about it!" Rory shot back.

"Paul Anka peed on your bed after you left," Lorelai said, clearly out of "supposed to's".

"Andy asks Angela out and she says yes," Rory countered.

Lorelai sighed. "Let's stop being hurtful."

Rory smiled, picturing her mother pouting. "Deal."

"Friends again?"

"Forever… although you might change your mind when I ask you about what I had in mind."

"Oh, that's right. You actually wanted to ask me something half an hour ago."

"Yes, I did," Rory said. "Well, since Grandma and Grandpa are having their Christmas party too early for me to go, I thought we could do something at our house."

The slight static over the phone line made Rory think of a crackling fire. She wished she had a fireplace, although a fireplace in a third story apartment didn't make a lot of sense. "You want to have your grandparents over for a Christmas party?" Lorelai said finally, obviously not loving the idea.

"Yes. And Luke can cook, or Sookie if you want to invite her," Rory said quickly before her mom could say no. "It'll be really nice, I promise. We can keep things simple. Some good food and stuff to make Manhattans, so Grandma will be happy?"

"Grandma drinks Manhattans?"

"I have no idea," Rory confessed. "Maybe sidecars? Something like that."

"I'll have Patty whip up some punch."

"Grandma wouldn't drink fruit punch, Mom." Rory suspected that her grandma hadn't come across fruit punch since Lorelai was a kid. "Look, just think about it, okay? I don't know what their travel plans are for the holidays, but I really want to do something special with them if I can."

"You just saw them like two weeks ago," Lorelai muttered. "I wish I could say the same. However, I will think about it. Reluctantly, and infrequently."

"Just make a decision soon," Rory said. "In the meantime, I am going to go and find something to eat for dinner. If I don't hear back from you about this party within three days, I'm calling Luke."

"You can't scare with me with Luke," Lorelai scoffed. "Luke is mine now. He'll do whatever I say. And he's definitely not going to be on board with hanging out with my parents all night."

"Then I'll call Grandma and just invite her myself."

"You're evil," Lorelai said. "Don't burn yourself on your dinner."

Rory didn't burn herself making dinner, although there had been a low amount of risk involved since she was just reheating leftover pizza. As she ate, she wondered if Jess would be around for Christmas. It was always a busy time of the year and traveling could be a pain in the snow so she wasn't counting on it, but it would be nice to see him again. After she finished eating, she flipped open her phone again and dialed a new number.

"Hey, stranger," Jess said.

"I know, I've been remiss," Rory said apologetically. "I texted you on my lunch break the other day, though!"

"You sent me a blurry picture of the snow outside."

"I'll be better now, I swear." She meant to then ask him about his plans for Christmas, but decided at the last minute that she didn't want to look too eager. "Do you watch The Office?" she asked instead, putting a kettle of water on the stove to make hot chocolate. It tasted better with milk, but milk was over $3 a gallon.

"The British or American version?" Jess asked.

Rory smiled, liking that he knew that there was a British version before the American one became a big deal. "The American version, although the British version is good too."

"I try to watch it if I'm around," Jess said. "There hasn't been a new episode in a little while, though."

"They're on their holiday break. I watch it every week," Rory admitted. "At first I liked the British version better, but I've gotten sucked into it."

"You just have to watch that cute Jim Halpert every week?"

"Nah, I'm more of a Dwight girl," Rory said. It was true that she was more interested in Dwight and Angela's bizarre relationship more than Jim and Pam's textbook one, but Jim was undeniably cuter.

"Is it the glasses or the mustard shirts that do it for you?" Jess asked.

Rory laughed. "The mustard shirts, for sure," she said. "Hey, did you catch the last episode?"

"Was that the one with Michael's deposition?"

"Yeah," Rory said, pouring boiling water over her hot chocolate mix. She took the mug into the living room and curled up on the couch again, pleased to see that it hadn't stopped snowing while she was in the kitchen.

"Yeah, I saw it," Jess said. "What are the odds that Jan will end up murdering Ryan in a jealous rage at some point?"

"I think pretty good," Rory mused, blowing on her hot chocolate. Even though she was hundreds of miles away from Stars Hollow, with the snow falling against the window and a familiar voice on the other end of the line she felt right at home.


	29. We're Stuck On This Dysfunction

A/N: I figured it was about time Rory had a Michigan bestie, so meet Jules. I borrowed her from an RP I had going forever ago and she's one of my favorites. She's tiny and blonde and looks like Kristen Bell whenever I picture her and I hope you enjoy her even a third as much as I do.

* * *

"So, are you excited to go home for Christmas?" Jules asked, blowing on her soy chai latte. Rory inwardly shuddered and took a sip of her own coffee that was soy-free and loaded with espresso. Jules made a point to order something different every time they went out for coffee and Rory occasionally joined her, but nothing with the word soy in it was getting past her lips.

Jules Blake had just started at the paper two months ago and was a new friend, but already she had claimed Rory as her partner in crime. Jules had moved to Michigan from Chicago and spent her time either good-naturedly complaining about how either Detroit was nothing compared to the _real _city or how the Chicago Tribune was a terrible paper full of wankers. After her post-college internship with the Tribune didn't turn into a real job, she applied to nearly every other paper in the country and landed at the Free Press in the news department. She had absolutely no qualms about complaining about the work and swore up and down that within the year she was going to move to New York City and get a job at a fashion magazine.

Rory still wasn't sure what to make of her, but she was a lot of fun. She was a big fan of passing notes gossiping about their coworkers during staff meetings and was always up for going out for a drink after work. She had been given formal warnings about her work wardrobe three times in two months and would occasionally make her coffee Irish on Fridays to get the weekend started early. After being friends with Paris for so long, Jules was an interesting change of pace.

"Of course," Rory said, breaking off a piece of cranberry scone. For a brief moment she thought of Logan, and how when he was in London they always made a point to discuss what kind of scone he was having for breakfast. Before she even fully formed the memory, it was gone. "It'll be nice to actually be home on Christmas. Last Christmas I was in Europe with Logan."

Jules rolled her eyes. "Of course you were. You need to hook me up with his number. I could use a trip to Europe."

"He lives in San Francisco now," Rory pointed out. "He's probably taking some other girl to Europe this Christmas. Besides, what would Jeremy say if you were talking about going to Europe with some other guy?"

Jules took a gulp of her coffee, wincing noticeably. Rory had warned her that a soy latte would be disgusting. "Jeremy is such a tool," she said. "He wanted me to go to North Dakota with him to visit his parents for Christmas. Yeah, right. We've been dating for like what, three weeks? And I didn't even know people actually lived in North Dakota. I thought it was just like, Mount Rushmore and some cows."

"Mount Rushmore is in South Dakota," Rory pointed out. "But I don't blame you for not wanting to go. Jeremy's pretty intense." She didn't know him well, but she had encountered him enough in staff meetings to know that he was kind of a hothead who always had to have the last word. When Jules said he'd asked her out last month, Rory had discreetly crossed her fingers and hoped it wouldn't blow up in their faces.

"He's a wanker," Jules proclaimed, stealing a bite of Rory's scone. Since Jules said that about nearly everyone when she was annoyed, Rory wasn't too worried about Jeremy's fate. Jules was the type of girl who constantly needed to be surrounded by people, including a good-looking guy on her arm. They'd only been at the coffee shop for fifteen minutes and she'd already sent six text messages. "I think I'm going to wait it out a little longer, though. See what he gets me for Christmas."

"You're terrible," Rory said, shaking her head. "I am so behind on my Christmas shopping it's insane. The fact that I don't have any money is kind of putting a damper on things."  
"I feel you there," Jules said. "I think I might just get all my family members snow globes from the Henry Ford gift shop and call it a day."

"I swear, every year I have more people to buy gifts for and less money. Shouldn't that be the other way around?"

"Unless you're going to start murdering your family and friends, I don't think you'll have fewer people to buy for," Jules said. "Is one of those extra people this year Jess?"

Rory blushed and tried to cover it up by taking a sip of coffee. She and Jules had gone out for drinks when Rory got back from Connecticut after Thanksgiving and she had spilled the whole story about her and Jess. It had completely fascinated Jules, but Rory had been embarrassed the next day. She still kind of was. Jules had a million different stories about the guys she had dated and had no trouble flirting confidently with strangers in bars. Compared to her, Rory felt very juvenile with all her Jess-related baggage. "I don't even know if he'll be home for Christmas. I called him last week and was going to ask him, but I chickened out," she admitted.

"So what's up with you guys?" Jules demanded. "You made out at Thanksgiving and you text him all the time and I can _tell_ because you always smile when he texts you back, but you're too scared to ask him about his plans for the holidays? You should tell him to go home for Christmas so you can finally work things out!"

"It's complicated," Rory said, instantly hating herself for using such a tired sentiment. "We're in different places, literally. I don't think either of us really want a long distance relationship."

"I had a long distance relationship for two years in college once," Jules said. "Well, we were both sleeping with other people for like the last year and a half, but it was still kind of nice."

"How is that nice?"

"Because he was just sweet," Jules said. "He sent me cute little cards if I had a big test coming up and he sent me a box of chocolates like once a month. Having him as my boyfriend was great."

"But you were both with other people."

"Best of both worlds, baby." Seeing Rory's face, she continued hastily. "But obviously that was ridiculous. You and Jess are both mature adults. You'd be able to work it out."

Rory shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "It just seems like it's not the right timing, you know? I've got a good job here and he's got a good job in Philadelphia and I don't see that changing any time soon. There's nothing wrong with just being friends."

"I agree, but you're not," Jules said. "People who are just friends don't kiss each other or make gross swoony faces when they text each other. Look, if you answer one question honestly right now you don't have to get me a Christmas present. Deal?"

"What's the question?" Rory asked warily. If it was about her sex life, she'd rather just buy Jules a present. Jules would talk unabashedly about this guy or that guy, but Rory was not that type of girl.

"Do you love him?" Jules asked seriously, her eyes meeting Rory's meaningfully.

"I…" Rory took a deep breath. "Yeah, I do. But love isn't always enough, you know."

"Take it from someone who's never really been in love. Love is _always _enough."

Rory considered that. Jules had a lot of experience and was whip smart, but Rory just couldn't agree with her this time. She had seen time and time again that love wasn't always enough. It wasn't enough to keep her and Dean together and it wasn't enough to make Logan stay with her, and it hadn't been enough to make things work out with Jess in the past. "Yeah, maybe," Rory said, poking a crumb on the table. "You've really never been in love?"

"Oh, I've been in love like a billion times. But never the right kind of love, you know? Never the kind of love that makes you care about the other person more than anything in the world." Jules said it casually, like it wasn't a big deal, but it made Rory think.

She knew she loved Jess, and probably had in some capacity since she was 17. It had always been there, lingering. It had faded at times, but when they had started talking again a few years ago she was very aware of it being there. She had loved Logan and loved being with him, but whenever she talked to Jess there was always a little spark there that reminded her that she had once loved him too. When she was with Logan she tried to push that feeling away, but there was really no reason to do it now. She was single, Jess was single, and that spark was still there. Did she care about him more than anything else in the world? She wasn't sure. Despite Jules' claim that that was the right kind of love, Rory thought it only existed between parents and their children.

Maybe that was the problem. Rory didn't know if she had that kind of self-sacrifice in her. Her career was important to her and she liked being at the Free Press in Michigan. If she and Jess actually worked out a way to be together, and not long-distance, they would both have to make sacrifices. She wasn't sure she was willing to make any sacrifices in her life right now, and she didn't expect Jess to either. Rory loved Jules' optimism and encouragement, but facts were facts.

Then again, Christmas was a time for miracles. As Jules and Rory finished their coffee and headed back to the office, Rory let herself feel a little bit hopeful. Maybe Jess would be home for Christmas. Maybe they could figure things out.


End file.
